Went out jogging the other evening and whilst out, I saw a tennis ball laying in the gutter, thinking it would be OK for the dog to play with once I got home I stopped picked it up and put it in my...
Just wanted to let you all know that I have been admitted into hospital and they are keeping me in. I’ve only gone and poisoned myself, thanks to my cooking skills. What I thought was an onion for...
My wife called me a sexist pig, and accused me of being far too obsessed with football. I said, "What makes you say that, babe?" She said, "Well for one, there's this card you gave me for my...
Three blokes are stranded on a boat and all they have with them is four fags but no way of lighting them. What do they do? They throw one fag overboard. By doing that the boat becomes a cigarette...
Teacher asks a kid how many dogs he would have if she gave him two dogs, then another two dogs? The kid replies that they would have five dogs. The teacher replies, no you're not listening. If I gave...
A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore...
A male rabbit lives in a cage in a laboratory in the Gallagher cigarette factory. Everyday he's subjected to smoking 10 cigarettes an hour just to see how it affects his dependency on nicotine and his...
Three little ducks go into a Bar....... 'Say, what's your name?' the bartender asked the first duck. 'Huey,' was the reply. 'How's your day been, Huey?' 'Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out...
Father Christmas goes to the Doctors with a tricky little problem. Doctor says to him, “OK, Mr Christmas, what can I do for you?” Santa says, “It’s a bit embarrassing but I seem to have a...
1. Drink the man's consumed from all of the glasses (7) S****** 2. Maiden,say, to compete with wife for general affection (8) O******* 3. Stern ending for man with right answer (7) ****S*M 4. Mix with...
Short man to take off his old hat? (5,6) *T*N*/**F*S*
Highly Charged metals a woman's holding (7) E****I**
Watch out for old english poetry written inside (7)**E*S**...
1. There are 10 different kinds of people. Those who understand binary, and those who don't. 2. Police stop Heisenberg for speeding and ask do you know how fast you were going? He replies, no, but I...
