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As much use as...

Can anyone tell me any alternatives to the phrase; "as much use as / as useless as a chocolate teapot"? No more than 3 words please, and not rude! I already know chocolate fender, waterproof teabag,...
14:38 Fri 30th Mar 200727 answers, last by Travisglancey65 00:45 Sat 11th Mar 2023

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