Haggis? We caught one!

[warpig2]

We went out on a haggis hunt tonight and we bagged one of the beasties(nightmare to get in the car but thats another story), only problem is what do I do now? Its really big and its kind of black and white and standing in our kitchen going 'MOO', what do i do next?

[seekeerz]

Silly warpig, that's not a haggis, that's a heffalump !!! take it back and apologise to it's owners and THEN go look for a haggis !!! Mind you, you'll need your night vision goggles and your wits about you [somewhere] Good hunting !!!

[warpig2]

Morning seekeerz, glad to see I am not the only one who can't sleep! Can we eat the heffalump?

[seekeerz]

hi there warpig actually it's broad daylight here and has been for hours - now about that heffalump - well I wouldn't, they've been known to give people all sorts of narrssttyy things !!
like hiccups & lumps which go pop & itchies & should I go on?
but on the other hand, if you're starving and stuck in the highlands, well I guess it's up to you, but it's owners will come looking for you with big sticks and other large and ferocious weapons etc, and wearing pink paint [a la Mel Gibson or prhaps not !!]

but then if you ARRE a Scottish laddie well you'll be totally unallergic to heffalumps so go for it but I can't guarantee about the pink paint or the hiccups, so guess the balls in your court so to speak !!

[Hellion]

How did you catch it warpig? I've always found as their right legs are shorter than their left - because they graze clockwise round the hills - the best method is to have beaters out to drive them anti clockwise - this obviously unbalances them and they just roll to the bottom of the hill where you can collect them.
It's probably mooing because on level ground it can't stand up straight (look at it to see if has a lean - if it's not lopsided it's definitely a heffalump) find a box to support it's shorter legs and it should be fine.

[seekeerz]

well I can see you've already eaten heffalump before hellion, cos it's terrible infectious and you're being as silly as me !!!
love to know how you collected yours - they're HUGE !!!!

[Hellion]

The fit perfctly into a Waitrose estra large shopping trolley I find.

[Hellion]

Oh no seekeerz I never eat heffalump too strong tasting but a nice grilled Woozle with a glass of Chablis, delicious!

[Athley]

Ask for a recipe on F&D for heffalump fricasse. I bet you get one! :o)

[mnko]

Morning warpig1 i'm grand at the moment. got my appointment 2 see the psychirtrist on wednesday will let u know
thanks Glyn

[warpig2]

Its definitely a heffalump, have checked its legs, all six of them, and they are all the same size!

Seekeerz, if you are ahead of us time wise can you send me tonights winning lottery numbers please?

Athley, that would be a hoot to post and I am sure BBW would find something!!!

[Eve]

I had a wonderful collection of heffalumps which I loved very much but the nasty people came and took them and me away, probably cos they were jealous :(

I would offer to come and help as i'm a bit of a specialist in all things heffalump but my new special jacket the nasty people gave me is causing a few mobility issues.

:(

[warpig2]

Jenna, I could bring heffalump to you, it would keep you company in your padded cell! Although must add that its toilet habits leave a lot to be desired, and it does pong a bit and for some reason the house is filled with flies, oh and he does drool but I guess you are no stranger to that!

[Eve]

We could drool together!!!!

Oooh bring him to me, I'll look after him and love him!

It will have to our little secret though as the nasty judge said i'm not allowed to go within 1 mile of a heffalump for a very long time :(

[Eve]

Ps.thank you v.v.much for my stars, could i have some safety pins too...oh and a nail file?

[warpig2]

Now Jenna you know you are not allowed sharp objects! I could send him along with an emery board but if it is escape you have on your mind it might take a while. Maybe they would let you take heffalump for walks then you could make good your escape toghther, you could sit on his back although he is not the most speedy of heffalumps and tends to stop and eat a lot of grass, and if its raining he will just lie down then there is no shifting him.

[Eve]

Well I can't see anything through the padding at the moment but i've been promised that if i'm good i get a new room where if i peek through the bars there is a field so he could live in there and eat grass all day long!!!

I may have to paint him pink though so they don't realise he's a heffalump and i have to go and see the mean judge again.

[warpig2]

Green would be better then he could blend in.

[Eve]

Oooooooh yes...camoflaged heffalump!!! But how would i see him to gaze longingly at at him and blow him little kisses through the bars!!

He could be the star of my website!!!

http://www.geocities.com/jenna1978uk/heffalump .html

[warpig2]

Wow Jenna, I am impressed, thats excellent, just one point though, your heffalump has only got four legs, what happened the other two, you didn't eat them did you, come on own up?

[seekeerz]

Warpig are you still messing around with that heffalump - don't you know that after a certain time away from their owners ALL heffalumps turn a nasty shade of puce, come out in enormous boils which go pop/squelch and will make a horrible mess all over the kitchen !!!

Now Jenna - you know the rules, you've got more than enough of them already - anymore just makes the place untidy