Is This Poem Written Well, And Is It Any Good?

[bob68k]

The Cheatgrass and the Scythe

There's an old farmer's tale called
"The Cheatgrass and the Scythe,"
where we give gratitude to
our pendulum hands
Every spring,
the cheatgrass creeps near
like a thief that steals,
crop quality and yield
All afternoon the farmer scythes,
green crooked wands
till they lean upon death
Acre after acre,
scything becomes
methodical
then again, so does grieving
Consider the farmer's heart,
palsied by grief
as the color of misery
animates in his cheeks
and in his eyes, going the way
of the oak,
where they found
his beloved,
hung by a garden hose.
Each dawn he mumbles
the old farmer's tale,
while his heart must carve
through each of its agonies
over and over, until it feels.

[woofgang]

well I don't like it.

[Baldric]

Sorry, not for me!

[maggiebee]

I find it a bit depressing, but who am I to judge? Never written a poem in my life, just know what I like.

[Mamyalynne]

There are some excellent couplets - 'Consider the farmer's heart,
palsied by grief '

Then some not so good - 'as the colour of misery
animates in his cheeks' , may just be me but the colour of misery would not be in any way 'animating'.


A very good start though, work on it.

[elliemay1]

Agree with what Mamyalynne said. Also, don't like the line, 'then again, so does grieving.'

[venator]

I don't think splitting the poem up into short stanzas really adds anything to it.

If it's a first effort, though, it has a point and there are some good images.

The Open University has some excellent free taster courses

[marval]

I think it is a good effort, it does perhaps need tweaking. Don't give up though, the idea of a taster course is a good one.

[Baldric]

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20150606123847AAGrkgi

http://www.quora.com/cfbcfhccccccccccccccccccc

[Mamyalynne]

Good idea to cast your net wide if you want people to comment on your output

You've had some smashing advice.

[ichkeria]

One of those poems that reads like a piece of prose inexplicably split into short lines. And the absence of full stops is confusing. Punctuate it properly and write it out normally and it would at least be less irritating :-)

[weecalf]

Looks like they have been thrown some words and asked to disguise the true meaning of them .

[Baldric]

Mamya,

///There's an old farmer's tale called "The Cheatgrass and the Scythe,"///

[Mamyalynne]

Sorry, can you spit it out - are you saying it is a well known poem by a known author?

Or simply saying Bob has asked on more than one site?

[Baldric]

Bob is not claiming it as his work, I can't find original author atm, but it's been around for a while!

[Mamyalynne]

Ok, post when you find it.

[bob68k]

I'll take that as a complement. I'm just a regular Joe who's working on a new poem, but yes, I've been published before a handful of time. You people are interesting!!

[Mamyalynne]

That's a kind comment Bob, we've been called worse.

[bob68k]

http://hawaiipacificreview.org/tag/robert-karaszi/

http://greysparrowpress.sharepoint.com/Pages/Spring2014PoetryKaraszi.aspx

Thanks everyone for your comments, much appreciated.

[bob68k]

I've been called worse too--LOL

[Baldric]

Hi Bob, The title comes up with older references, if I'm wrong I'll be the first to stand up and admit it, ok?