Age reducing cream

[scotchollie]

I'm 84 and my facial skin looks like an elephant's ar*e.

As for the backs of my knees, they sag down to my ankles and I could carry my shopping in my elbow flesh.

Can anyone recommend a good over the counter product that will rejuvenate me to my 1930s heyday?

And it's got to be cheap as I'm on a pension and don't want to go wasting my money when I've got to save up for the winter fuel bills.

Eh, I tell you, things ain't like they used to be.

[redhead23]

all i know is i love u for the last message u posted me , i accept u wrinkles , pinkles and all xxxxx try oil of olay

[redhead23]

or u could try astral a moisturiser , or just accept that you are getting on and death is a step nearer not just for u , but for all of us
we are doomed doomed i tell you !

[grumpii]

Yeah, save your money for a decent coffin.

[sense4all]

Try vaseline .... lightly smear it over your full length mirror. Works a treat on the camera lens for the some of the more mature actresses - who look like crypt fodder when they knock off work at Pinewood.

[grumpii]

your elbow flesh could be the answer to global warming! No more plastic bags just take a few elderly people and a whip.

[redhead23]

scotch u still alive ???xx

[scotchollie]

I could just smear vaseline on my eyes.

That way I would not waste my precious pension fuel money on tubs of Vaseline.

Not only that, but the whole world and not just my arthritic, crippled, wrinkly flesh laden body - if indeed it can be called a body at my age - will look a whole lot better in such soft focus.

Then I could pretend I had cataracts and fleece the benefits system for a blind allowance, upping my income to boot. This winter, if I make it, I'm going for a burn up!

Genius.

[grumpii]

we definatly need whips.

[scotchollie]

Scotch lives, wrinkled and haggard.

But alas, poor Bejaysus in memoriam est...

He was a good dog.

And delicious.

[redhead23]

oi scotch take that back !!!! u still makin me dinner and who knows what for dessert oi oi , answer me where have u been all my life ???? lol

[scotchollie]

I would be happy to cook for you - what do you fancy? Tel me what rocks your boat in the cuisine department.

And I will cook it.

GOOD NEWS!!!

As I came through the door tonight (sometimes I open it) I heard a distinct 'ruff' coming from the general direction of Bejaysus' stuffed form.

He was being used as a clothes dog (like a clothes horse, only smaller) and the warmth from my recently dried clothes must have assisted with his post steak demise.

The problem is that I have had him stuffed and lacquered, so he's a bit on the stiff side.

Does anyone have a foolproof way of de-lacquering a stuffed stiff Irish Wolfhound?

Also, some form of anally friendly tongs might be good to reach the cotton wool, stuffed deep inthe inner recesses of poor Bajaysus' colon.

I'd shove my arm up the area in question, but I like to bite my nails.