Teacher's concerned about my son.

[april1693]

At my 9 yr old son's parent/teacher meeting recently, His teacher expressed concern over some of his behaviour. He is extremely bright, achieving above average marks in all subjects and is a very popular, sociable and well behaved child. However his teacher says that she has recently noticed among other trivial things that he sometimes "Looks awkward" when doing PE, and another teacher (who has taught him for a total of 5 hours in the last 4 months) commented on his "quirkiness" and his liking to do things at his own pace and in his own way. My son is very aware that this teacher appears to be scrutinising everything he does. He detests PE and even though I told the teacher that I personally have no concerns, she is insisting that he is referred to paediatrician to "rule out" any issues. I know a little about conditions such as aspergers and autism and I feel that my son in no way fits the criteria for either. It has really upset me that because my son doesn't appear (to her) to conform to a certain stereotype that she possibly wants him labelled with some condition or other. I suppose my question is, does anyone have any idea what, if anything could be wrong with him? To me he is an affectionate, intelligent little boy who has a more mature personality than his age would indicate. TIA

[Old_Geezer]

I don't suppose getting things checked is harmful, and you may find a problem early on. But from the sound of it, it just seems that physical stuff is just not his thing.

There is far too much trying to force square pegs into round holes in today's society IMO. Not just in schools but also in employment where doing the job you signed up for is no longer enough, you have to strive to be better at everything and superman/woman, or else get marked down at appraisals even though it is more efficient to assign tasks according to existing abilities.

I suspect it is something we all will have to live with until society stops getting so obsessive with forcing folk to act according to the latest approved manner.

[Bobbisox]

I think you have hit the nail there Old_Geezer, worth getting checked out and hopefully all will be well, keep us posted April x

[Scarlett]

Ask the advice and opinion of one of the other teachers who knows him better. The looking awkward could just be that he doesn't like PE! However, I also know that it is very difficult for a parent to spot Asperger's or Dyspraxia in their own child. Teachers who see many many children each day get very good at spotting the signs. I recently taught a little girl who clearly had Asperger's, and both her parents were Head teachers! They had no idea at all that she had this, since they just thought she was very bright, well-spoken and got on well with adults. It was the other children's attitude to her which make it obvious to me, though. They were confused by her and found her hard to get on with. If your son has lots of friends and communicates easily with them, he probably doesn't have Asperger's. This is only in my opinion of course, but I have been a teacher for 16 years. I would talk to his other teachers to get a more balanced viewpoint.

[LoftyLottie]

I absolutely agree with NOX. I have a son who is very much as NOX describes his youngest son. Didn't fit the mould. but was (is) extremely bright, sociable and well behaved. He hated PE too and loathed football. He still is very much his own person. As another poster has intimated some primary school teachers are very narrow in their outlook and expect kids to all fit to a mould.

I personally wouldn't worry.

[LoftyLottie]

I agree with Scarlett that if he gets on well with his peer group and they don't have any issues with him then probably all is well with him. What are the other t rivial issues the teacher brought up?

I too worked in schools for a long time.

Your son sounds just fine.

[LoftyLottie]

Getting things checked out might well be harmful to an intelligent child who thinks deeply, even at 9 years old.

[LoftyLottie]

My son was labelled as non sporty because he hated PE and just didn't cooperate and also because he found football totally boring.

He is in fact extremely sporting in the sports he enjoys and wasn't offered at school. He's a fit athletic and competitive cyclist as well as doing many other non curriculum type sports.


Old Geyser is right again in my opinion. I always seem to agree with him on everything!!

[China Doll]

It's why I recommended going to the paediatrician.... nothing like a doctors note saying all ok behind the sentiment 'back off & stop pressurising my son'... Although obviously not said that way.

[LoftyLottie]

China, Perhaps April could discuss this with her GP initially and get him to give an opinion rather than go through a long and perhaps uncomfortable procedure for the child to get this referred to a Paediatrician.

I haven't much faith in teachers' opinions of children - sorry!

I

[RATTER15]

I agree with most of what you say LL, their are lots of people that don't fit the mould but spending a short time being (checked out) is probably far less damaging than a potential problem being ignored that may have life long consequences.

I'm sure most kids will soon forget a session with a psychologist, they are trained to deal with these exact problems.

[milly143]

From what you say, your son doesn't appear to have any severe problems that effect his day to day home or school life. So to me, if he is happy and enjoys school (apart from PE and lates face it, who didn't), has a good group of friends and is content at home then why would anyone want to rock that boat. In my opinion, if something was found to be 'wrong' with him that might actually disturb him a little when we would have otherwise been happily going along.

[LoftyLottie]

Maybe Ratter. However, I think April should ask for another meeting and discuss all the issues in detail with the members of staff who know her son and the headteacher. She can then take it from there.

Perhaps the problem is with the teacher who isn't capable of dealing with a child who doesn't fit the mould. I have had to deal with this myself in a primary school. It may be the teacher who needs some help!!

[LoftyLottie]

I agree 100% Milly.

The boy is happy, content and healthy and doing well at school, sociable, well behaved and popular.

I too hated PE and probably looked awkward!!

[China Doll]

As far as I'm aware, the referral would have to come from the GP anyway initially so that might not be a bad port of call. I'm not saying the teacher is right, just that if she isn't, having a note from docs to back april will go a long way to saying 'up yours' essentially. :c)

[Kassee]

If it were me - I would ignore the teacher's comments but for my own peace of mind I would make a doctor's appointment and his view, ask to speak to a paediatrician, if you wish.

I would do this, without my son, being present, just to get the doctor's view. You could also speak to the Head Teacher, voicing your concerns and how upset you are about these comments.

The teacher has not right to INSIST you see any specialist - it is down to you.

I actually had an Art Teacher who wrote a very nasty letter about my son to me because he was not working well at Art and would not get his GCSE in Art. At the time he was taking 8 GCSE in English, Maths, etc etc, He was in all the top sets, went on to College, Uni and is now an accountant - so much for the Art !! and the nasty Art Teacher.

Hope this helps. Above all - try and keep your feelings, and hurtful comments from teachers etc away from your son.

Maybe teacher has a chip on his/her shoulder.

[LoftyLottie]

I had the same experience with my son and a Food technology (domestic science!!/cookery) teacher/ She summoned us on Parents evening even though she was not on our list of teachers we wanted to see and in front of other people told us how our son was under achieving, lacking in motivation etc. etc. etc. We told her that the reason was he hated home economics and couldn't wait for the next year when he could do some really important technology. She said he would fail in this as well - she didn't know that he was already an electronics wizard!!

He also did extremely well at school 8GCSE's at A and A*grades and 2 more at B and C. Good A levels, Uni. and so on.
Some teachers really are above themselves and talk down to parents.

I agree with you Kassee about non involving the child at this point and speaking to the Dr without him being present for advice. That is what I meant too.

I too think the child should be spared being part of all this for the time being at the very least.

[piggynose]

So ratter15, what exactly is dyslexia? i thought it was basically word blindness. I can read a book, and within days forget most of it, so therefore i can read the same book over and over again, but cant do this with dvds.
pn

[RATTER15]

Piggynose, So called "word blindness" is just one of the symptoms and word blindness does not affect everyone. It affects me in many other ways. Read my post on here and you will find a list of the things that affect me on an almost daily basis.

[RATTER15]

This post. http://www.theanswerb...k/Question998235.html