Darkness phobia

[seadogg]

We have a neighbour who lost a partner 2 years ago. She is frightened in her own home at night, and finds it hard to go upstairs, not through fear of break ins but simply being in the dark feeling that some malign force is there.
As a child she was left alone while parents went out in the evening and felt it then. Us neighbours can only reassure her that we will come anytime if she phones but is their any way she can be helped to overcome this irrational phobia?

[welshlibranr]

Maybe get her some of those night lights that plug into electrical sockets, they are about 7w, so give a dim light that takes the edge off the darkness, they used to have them in Aldi for about £6 for three, we have them on the landing and they are very good, they've been there for about 2 years now, with no bulb changes, they may not be available in Lidl now, but sure you can find some online, they hopefully would help to make her feel more secure............hope this is of some help for her!.......

[seadogg]

Sounds like a little present welshl. Thanks.

[boxtops]

No phobia's irrational to the sufferer, even if they know it doesn't make sense - it's hugely real to them. Good to know she has understanding neighbours, seadogg.

Why doesn't she just leave the lights on? - it doesn't have to be dark to sleep. I have to leave the hall light on downstairs all night (but that's so I don't walk into things when I have to get up for the loo). Many people round here seem to leave at least one light on all night. Nobody would think it odd if she did too.

[wolf63]

I suffer from irrational fears that take over my life - it is really had to get out of the vicious spiral of panic.

Maybe talking it through with someone qualified will help her slowly retain control of her brain.

It is good that you have taken her seriously - it can have a huge negative impact on a persons life.

The lights are a good starting point. ;-)

[Mamyalynne]

A timer for bedside lamps too, so the room is lit when she goes to bed.

[seadogg]

Thanks for your thoughtful comment Boxtops. She has low wattage lightbulbs. Think there may be a connection with actually being upstairs too but it must help.

[welshlibranr]

Hi seadogg, boxtops is right too, leaving a hall light on helps a lot, I hate total darkness when I wake in the night, but those little plug in ones are really good, you can have a little light wherever you want it, and they are cheap to run, they have a sensor, so can be left on and they will light up at dusk, they may be the answer hopefully!..............

[Prudie]

Keeping the radio on can also help give the feeling you are not completely alone.

[seadogg]

Thanks Wolf, we wondered whether something like hypnosis might help or CBT which my OH had when she felt nervy.

[sandrajo]

That's such a shame...it'll take time to get over such a fear but with support from the likes of you, i'm sure she will get there in the end x

The timed lights seem like a great idea. When I'm home alone, I actually check under every bed, in every cupboard and shut all doors behind me...I really don't like being home alone!!

[welshlibranr]

Have a look here seadogg:
http://www.mobilitysm...MGU2agCFYFB4Qod1x7S-A

[Eve]

Maybe a TV turned down low with something repetitive on (to stop her getting distracted when trying to sleep) as the TV will produce a glow of light.

How about either a light she can keep on her (like a mini torch or touch light) at all times so light is there if she needs it or can't you get systems where you can clap to turn a light on or similar? If it's more instantaneous without moving then would that make her feel more comfortable?

I don't need it to be really dark to sleep either, used to the city where it's always pretty light generally. Find it quite strange now going back to my parents' in the country - I forget how much darker it is!

Some cognitive behavioural therapy might help or maybe something like hypnotherapy (by a properly trained specialist). Get to the route of the problem and work it through that way and giving her coping strategies.

[Eve]

Ahh, spent too long typing and you beat me to it :)

[wolf63]

seadogg - it can be pretty complicated. I have been going through a phase like this over the last two years. It starts out with a small fear, like an itch, and then it grows.

I keep saying to myself - let not my heart be troubled by something I can do nothing about. I picked it up from a song but there are many such phrases. It helps a little.

Luckily I have a (nice and cute) psychiatrist and a patient doctor - I see them because I have other mental health 'issues'.

I used to be terrified of the dark - not helped by my mum sending me to the chip shop when it was dark. She knew that I was terrified but did nothing.

[seadogg]

I will have to do a screen capture of these super answers and have a chat with others involved. Grateful to have such comments to think about.. Hope you get your problems resolved Wolf.
At least our friend doesn't bottle up these feelings so we can help. Too many do I think.

[what..the?]

when I've had problems with fear being alone or in the dark yes a light on, or esp tv helps a lot. But it interests me what it is about upstairs that seems to affect her especially.

- is it that it is just the fear of the dark and at night when it's dark thats when she goes up there?
- is it the death of partner did he die at home or does going to bed remind her he is not there? Would something the cuddle in bed be comforting
- is it dark and depressing up there? Would redecorating in very pale whites brighten the room and make everything more visible in the darkness

I don't like the dark so much, for fear of the unknown and the fear of spiders and very pale painted walls and minimal furniture would help as there would be less places for 'things' to hide.

[Cowtipper]

My guess its associated with her departed. Maybe a routine that's been dismantled. I'd go with something like:
http://1000bulbs.com/...eedGoogleBaseShopping

[Eve]

Maybe something could be put up and kept up/on safely. something quite "fluffy" and smile inducing which could reduce any menancing atmosphere could be an idea such as fairy lights, a lava lamp or similar, those things which emit light you can stick on the ceiling (stars etc...). Might seem a bit for more kids but could be something to suggest.

[mojohnson]

I lost my OH Oct 2009 and know the feeling desperately. It's not necessarily the dark although I do go up and make sure all necessary lights are on before nightfall. I have the radio on all night - R4- so if I wake someone is talking to me - the feeling of 'alone' is still there tho

[joko]

you could paint skirting boards, light switches etc - whatever with glow in the dark paint...

this will at least glow untils shes asleep...it can be quite bright