would you get in touch

[4getmenot]

Have mentioned on here before that my blokes mum left him, his sis and bro when they were very little. Anyway he told me other day his dad had called him to say his mum is sick. They dont ever hear from her and her sister had rang his dad to tell him. Should he go and see her?

[Buenchico]

If he goes, and it doesn't work out, he'll be annoyed with himself for the rest of the week

If he doesn't go, and his Mum passes away before he's had time to change his mind, he might be annoyed with himself for the rest of his life.

Chris

[daffy654]

If he wants any answers from her it may be the only chance he will get if she is seriously ill.

[sherrardk]

I haven't been in touch with my real father for years, and not seen him for over twenty years. I personally wouldn't go and see him if he was sick (not actually sure if he is still alive or not). It is up to your bloke to decide. My husband hasn't spoken to his dad for two years (he's about 85/86 - his dad, not my husband) and I just say to him occasionally 'do you think you should phone your dad, he is getting on now'' he always says no, but at least he can't hold anything against me if his father dies and he hasn't spoken to him.

[Barmaid]

Difficult one 4get. If he doesn't see her he may regret not having taken that opportunity. Whereas if he does see he may not enjoy it, but at least there will be no regrets.

Try the "rocking chair test". When he's 90 and sitting in his rocking chair contemplating his life, will he regret not having seen her?

[welshlibranr]

very difficult one here 4get, depends how he feel about her really, we had a similar situation a few years ago, my OH's mother was dying, she wasn't a good mother to him, and he didn't want to see her, I found this very worrying, and thought that he would regret this decision, but he didn't regret it!..........he just didn't want to know her!.........so sad!........she wasn't a mother to him, and he had no connection with her!.....

[4getmenot]

Its probably a bit eaier to decide because she left when he was young, theres not to many happy times to regret not seeing her again if you understand what I mean. When I asked what is wrong he shrugged and said 'kidneys'. I'd have thought it is serious otherwise his aunty wouldnt have rang. His sister doesnt speak to her either after she rang some years ago to say she had cancer, made the whole lot up whilst my bloke had it, and she never even got in touch when he went through that.

[BAKERS DOZEN]

Did not see my mum or dad for the last twenty years or so and they only lived about a mile away. Did not go to Golden Wedding "celebration" and did not go to funerals. Never had a row with them but just did not like them or their lifestyles so would have been hypocritical to make a fuss after they were gone. They were never there so I don't miss them.

[sherrardk]

This is really up to your bloke - it's about how he feels about it. Even if she is seriously ill, if he doesn't want to see her I don't think he should feel he has to to make her feel better, she doesn't deserve it. If he wants to see her then that's also fine. These things are always a toughie, just go along with what he decides.

[4getmenot]

When I saaid would you go see her he just said 'depends how far away she lives' lol If you knew him you'd know thats a typical answer

[welshlibranr]

Oh forget!....hard for him!...........she wasn't there for him!.......shame!.....he's probably struggling to know what to do!.....

[4getmenot]

if she does die I bet loads of brothers and sisters will come out the woodwork. Only found out a few months back she gave a child up for adoption when she was 14yrs old

[Eve]

Some of my ex's SIL's family had a similar quandry when her dad was diagnosed with cancer. There was a reunion and came just in time as he died from it very suddenly (as in timescale - it was incredibly soon after diagnosis and unexpectedly so) shortly after.

[boxtops]

It's a hard one - if he feels there are things he needs to say to her before it's too late, then perhaps he should go - but if he doesn't feel any useful purpose would be served by it (for him or her) then perhaps he shouldn't. Different if his mum had actually asked to see him - or how seriously ill she is. Did the aunt say if she's just ill, or not likely to recover?

[BAKERS DOZEN]

The best thing you can do is support whatever decision he makes no matter what you think. My husband understood my feelings and always supported me and never tried to change my mind or influence me either way. I will always love him for that.

[welshlibranr]

so sad 4get, he obviously never had a 'mum' really!......very hard for him to decide what to do now!.........

[4getmenot]

he's lucky it didnt have too much of an effect on his life, he's probably not as bright as some but he has a lovely step mum who to him is his mum. Boxtops I'm really not sure, he hasnt said much, I just know it must be quite serious for him to be told as havent heard from her for years.

[welshlibranr]

personally, I would not pressurise him!........allow him to make his own decision......that's the only way 4get, and then he'll deal with it in his own way.......

[scotman]

This has nothing to do with you.

If he asks for your opinion then tell him what you think, otherwise stay silent.

[4getmenot]

Oh I never would tell him what to do. Doesnt bother or matter to me either way what he decides x

[4getmenot]

scotman when did I say it did, or when have I said on this post 'if it were me I'd .....' I didnt did I? And never have I said to him 'you should go see her' I was asking people on here as a general question to think about