News0 min ago
Advice please.
4 Answers
So, I need some advice on how to be happy. I'm so mixed up emotionally that I can't even go a night anymore without crying. Many things have led up to this, but the main one was the breakup of my boyfriend and I, and how we ended. I started liking him around December and he liked me starting January. We became best friends and we knew we liked eachother until March when he finally asked me out. We dated for about half a year from that point (maybe 8 months together now) then things started to change. We drifted apart, by a really big gap. I almost never saw him, and when I did he almost always ignored me. It got ao bad that at one point, I was so upset about it that I cried in front of him and he wouldn't even look at me. And yet, I still loved him.
During this time though, I befriended a boy and he instantly
Became one of my bestfriends. I told him everything about my troubles with Tyler, my boyfriend. He insisted that it would be better if I broke up with him, but I couldn't get myself to do it because I loved him so much. During this point, I knew that I had fallen for Brian, the other boy, and he also did with me. I knew that this was wrong, but I loved Tyler so much I couldn't break up with him and I didn't want to. Then the day came, and Brian(one of tyler's best friends) and I kissed. I was actually happy, and I hadn't been for months during my relationship with Tyler. I knew it was wrong beyond belief, which was why I broke up with him a couple days later, I wanted to be happy with Brian. But Brian didn't bring me happiness. Of course, Tyler found out and he actually didn't hate me. But now, I see him everyday and though he's not made at me, he still can't look at me, and it makes me sad. I understand that he has a right to do that, which I agree compleltey with, but it hurt. After we broke up, we became bestfriends and I still went over to his house. Then, he decided that it broke back too many bad memories so now we don't even talk and it's upsetting. I still love him so much, and even though I know for sure Brian loves me, I can't get myself to feel like how I did with Tyler. Please tell me what I should do. I realise that cheating was the worst thing to do, so I dot want to get called out for being an awful. I just want to be happy..
During this time though, I befriended a boy and he instantly
Became one of my bestfriends. I told him everything about my troubles with Tyler, my boyfriend. He insisted that it would be better if I broke up with him, but I couldn't get myself to do it because I loved him so much. During this point, I knew that I had fallen for Brian, the other boy, and he also did with me. I knew that this was wrong, but I loved Tyler so much I couldn't break up with him and I didn't want to. Then the day came, and Brian(one of tyler's best friends) and I kissed. I was actually happy, and I hadn't been for months during my relationship with Tyler. I knew it was wrong beyond belief, which was why I broke up with him a couple days later, I wanted to be happy with Brian. But Brian didn't bring me happiness. Of course, Tyler found out and he actually didn't hate me. But now, I see him everyday and though he's not made at me, he still can't look at me, and it makes me sad. I understand that he has a right to do that, which I agree compleltey with, but it hurt. After we broke up, we became bestfriends and I still went over to his house. Then, he decided that it broke back too many bad memories so now we don't even talk and it's upsetting. I still love him so much, and even though I know for sure Brian loves me, I can't get myself to feel like how I did with Tyler. Please tell me what I should do. I realise that cheating was the worst thing to do, so I dot want to get called out for being an awful. I just want to be happy..
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You sound very young to me, and all you can do is give yourself time. Nothing you'gve described here makes you a bad person and all this self loathing about ' cheating' etc is what's making you feel bad- you feel you don't deserve to be happy. You do deserve to be happy- just let go of whatever guilt it is that you seem to be harbouring against yourself and you'll find that the problem cures itself.
If you haven't mutually committed yourself to one boy( and he to you) then kissing another boy is not 'cheating'. As the saying goes 'you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince' and that doesn't just apply to France. Remember, young men are very reluctant to commit themselves to anyone, so just back off and let things take their own course.
You need to stop revolving your life around being in a relationship and look to finding an contentedness within youeself and the time you spend with all of your friends.
Pushing with serious reationships too young will leave you frazzled wth a series of disappointments. Avoid the complexity and keep things simple for a while. You seem too be jumping in way too far and way fast.
At this stage in your life you will get far more satisfaction through broader interaction and this will help you grow into a person who is ready for more serious encounters.
Above all, don't worry. You will look back on now in a few years time and wonder why you were making your life hard over some boy who was never going to be "the one".
Pushing with serious reationships too young will leave you frazzled wth a series of disappointments. Avoid the complexity and keep things simple for a while. You seem too be jumping in way too far and way fast.
At this stage in your life you will get far more satisfaction through broader interaction and this will help you grow into a person who is ready for more serious encounters.
Above all, don't worry. You will look back on now in a few years time and wonder why you were making your life hard over some boy who was never going to be "the one".
Believe in yourself, anngirl. Tyler really didn't feel that he wanted a long-term relationship, but you pinned all your hopes on that - then when a really nice chap came along, you couldn't go with him because you still had this thing for Tyler. You haven't cheated, you can't cheat on someone who's no longer your boyfriend - you can't cheat on a memory. Sometimes it's just best to cut your losses and accept that at least you are still friends in the same crowd, but he's not for you. Love comes in different shapes and sizes, you learn that as you get older - and you may find that Brian in the end brings you more happiness and contentedness than that intense feeling of your first love with Tyler ever would, in the long run. Try to think of yourself not as Tyler's girl (because you're not) but as a free spirit who has chosen to be with Brian. You have to look at it that way, so you can start to move on.
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