cheating friend

[mighty duck]

hiya people, ive found myself in a bit of a dilema, i have afriend who has been going out with his gf for about 2-3yrs. i know that he doesnt love her, even though he says he does,and i know that he would do anything to cheat on her. but he wont dump her and i feel bad because im friends with her 2 and i dont know what to do. if we ever go out just lads then he will dance and flirt and just basically offer himself on a plate to anybody that wants it. i know that while being with her he has had sex with another girl who obviously his gf doesnt know about. what do i do? the gf is so in love with him and it would kill her, she thinks he loves her an is staying faithful to her, when its the opposite! i dont know whether to tell her or not!

[flashpig]

Don't do it just yet. He's a friend, and you should sit him down and tell him that it isn't fair the situation he is putting you in, and that either he should change or break up with this girl. Use the threat of telling her if you want. If he doesn't want to be with her and is doing this dreadful stuff then this threat might make him consider the relationship and let her go, as this is probably the best thing.

I was going out with someone who I had fallen out of love with but stayed with for something like a year because it was easier to not do anything about it. And I did cheat on her once or twice. But I should have broken up with her sooner than later, and if he doesn't love her then he is just going to make the inevitable seperation worse.

[ICEMANSAV]

I think it a situation for your friend and his girlfriend to settle between them. She will become aware eventualy of his deception then she can choose to make her own mind. You telling her will propbable ruin all of your friendships. Stay quiet and I would just say to your friend that its hard for you being in this position and try to persuade him to inform his gf.

[Cockney_si]

This is a very tricky one mighty duck as you could quite easily loose 2 friends in a blink of an eye if you do something about it.

If this was me in that situation and I must say I've kinda been there before a little.  Personally my guilty conscience would get the better of me in the end and I would get his gf to arrange a girl night out and a suggest to her she meets up with both of you as a surprise to him both of one of your lads nights out, hopefully catching him in the act of doing what he does best, cheating.

[Greg222]

My advice,  keep out of their relationship, stay friends with both - you'll get no credit or respect in the long run for splitting them up.  If I were him and a mate told my girlfriend I was cheating on her I would deny it to the death and if she gave me the benefit of the doubt which she probably would,  you'll be left looking a bit stupid and probably lose both as friends and not many people would confide in you in the future. Harsh but it's the way it is,, I've seen this happen to a lot of people thinking they are doing the right thing...

[Guinevere]

Please, please, please tell me that he is using precautions with the other women, because there are plenty of things out there he could catch, and pass on to his girlfriend.  And where as you might loss a friend, she could lose the chance to have children, through no fault of her own.
Sad fact of modern life, I'm afraid, and it sounds like he needs to learn some responsibility.

[flaming]

Try having a friendly chat about it to him if you can, and to  bring up Guievere's point.  You might get told to mind your own business. As for telling the girl - ever heard how messengers get shot?  And you have to remember that deep down many people know what their partner is like, but they just don't want to face the truth. Are you sure you are being truly honest with yourself as well about your reason for wanting this relationship to end?  You mightn't mind if you yourself didn't think a lot of the girl involved. It's nice that you worry whatever the reason but try and resist telling all.

[flaming]

Sorry - Guinevere.

[Sparky888]

This is hard, but I think you should just do whatever your gut feeling is.

Personally, I'm in a situation with my boyfriend and I think he is doing exactly the same as your friend.  It is so easy for someone to say they love you when they don't 100% mean it.  I'm constantly wondering what he is up to and paranoid that he has met someone else and is just with me for the sake of it, so if I thought someone knew the truth I would definitely want to know!  If she found out that you knew all along that he was unfaithful she will be very hurt as you are friends, and it will save her wasting her time and even more heartache.

Just do what you feel is right mighty duck

[kazza12345]

how do you "know" he dosent love her?

[00samantha00]

Hey, usually I'd be one to say just stay out of people's relationship's but if u know for sure he feels the way u think he does and its racking u with guilt knowing what he's doing then say to him, "tell her before someone else does", tell him you've spoken to other people whom u cannot mention that also know what he's been up to. Hopefully this may scare him into telling her.  

[funkychicken]

I think you should drop a hint to his girlfriend and let her work it out, alternatively tell your friend to either dump his girlfriend or tell her the truth. If he doesn't, just tell her

[mighty duck]

yea i understand what you are all saying. i cant say that i "know" he doesnt love her but just he way he is when shes not there makes me feel that he couldnt really care what happens between them. i understand what everybody is saying about shooting the messenger but its just a hard thing. i suppose she is still "happy" and maybe i should just keep out of it and not get involved, i like the idea of  getting them to "accidently" meet up from cockney_si maybe ill think about that one. its hard though and i know its wrong but i still dont know whether to tell her or not.i expect ill leave it just to keep myself safe, but then how selfish is that!! and no he doesnt use precautions so that is even worse! anyway cheers everybody!