Man trouble

[emzzy]

I need some advice. A few months ago I started seeing this guy. He lives about 100 miles away so we didn't get to see each other very often but spoke on the phone almost every day. I really fell for him, he was so nice, caring and considerate and told me he felt the same. After staying at his one weekend he just ignored me and then after a few days told me he was getting back with his ex. I knew this was a lie and confronted him after a drunk night out (which i know is not a good idea). He never told me the real reason he ended it but a week later he text me to say he was really sorry for how he treated me and he missed me. After a few short chats he has said he wants to meet up again but suddenly has gone all quiet again. I know I should probably just forget about him and move on but I cant help the way i feel, I still really want to be with him. I just want to know what he is thinking and I don't know what to do. Sorry this is so long.

[butter1]

Emzzy, I'm sorry to hear about your situation.  My opinion is that you should try and forget about this man.  If he has already messed you around and your not even sure what the reason is then how are you to trust him that he isn't going to do this again?  Long distance relationships are hard to keep, and in some cases it does work...but many it doesn't.  I know that it is hard to let go, especially when you like/love him so much....but I think it would be best for you if you did.  I think deep down you know the answer yourself - but you must do what you feel is right.  At the end of the day, it is your life and your judgements and if you make some mistakes along the way it only makes you stronger and a better person.  Good luck.

[Guinevere]

Argh men!
Now there will be no telling you to get shot of this one -you can't just turn off your feelings!

I know because I was in a similar position with a bloke who ran hot and cold on me, and seemed to want to have his cake and eat it, if you know what I mean!  Got back with his ex and split up again twice in the time that I knew him and was seeing him on and off.
I don't think he knew himself what he was thinking or wanted, but didn't much care how that affected people around him (me and his ex!). 

My best advice is to try and get with your life as best as possible.  I was kind of forced to as I moved out of the area.  2 months later I meant a lovely guy, who treats me wonderfully and is by best friend, and we are still together nearly 4 years later!

Go find yourself someone more deserving!

[flaming]

We poor humans!  We always hanker after what we can't have, or else is not good for us.  It's not as though this bloke is just down the road.  You haven't much chance of it burgeoning into anything meaningful, even if he seemed straightforward - which he doesn't to my mind.  Try to get involved in other things as quickly as possible. A few months ago you didn't know he existed.  Just take it as one of the encounters one has on life's path.

[dmsjps]

If he can get away with treating you like this now, what's he going to be like if you let him back in your life? I would make the break while it's easier rather than after you become too involved.

Of course you have to do what makes you happy and it's easy for us all to speak when we don't feel about him the way you do, but you're surely setting yourself up for a big fall if you get too involved with him. Then again, maybe he'll change, but I wouldn't believe that for a minute. If he really cared about you, he wouldn't want to treat you like this.

[nicola_red]

I agree with the others - try and move on.  I know from experience how hard it is to just forget the feelings you have for him but persevering with this is unlikely to get the results you want and will make you feel rubbish about yourself.  Plus you run the risk of looking like the proverbial bunny boiler.  Think of it this way - you know you deserve better, so go out and find it.

[rach912]

Emzzy,

I am going to disagree with what most people say on this subject only because I have been in a similar situation. I met my boyfriend four years ago, unfortunately the day after he had to go away on exercise as he was in the army (he has left now). I didn't see him again for a couple of months so I'd only seen him once but we texted and spoke each day. When he came back though to finish his degree and we met up again he kind of blew hot an cold and then said he just wanted to be friends. I was so upset because I realised that I liked him more than I had realised. At first I kept ringing and asking what I had done wrong but then like any other self respecting girl cooled off and made myself unavailable for a while-deep down though I was very upset. We still spoke on the phone and a few weeks later he said he thought that he would like to give us another go, I made it clear that I didn't appreciate being messed about but we just took it slowly. I found out later that he had always moved about and not been in ome place for to long as his dad was in the RAF so he was scared about getting himself into a relationship and then getting hurt. We are still together four years later and I am so happy. What I am trying to say is that you don't always know what is going through people's minds. I'm not in anyway condoning this guy's behaviour or that you should run after him but if you really like him then perhaps give him the benefit of the doubt and just take things slow. I feels sometimes people are too hasty in walking away from things to prove that they wont be messed about with and in an effort to show that all men are pigs, which is simply not true! If you have realised that you're not that bothered about this bloke then fine but if you really care about him then really show him who has the guts and make the first move in trying to rectify things. Gosh sorry for ranting, don't think I've ever given so much advise. Hope it works out and you are happy.

[boom boom]

i know this is A bit lame, but i always think 'what would i say to my friends'?

if you would tell your friend to forget about this sorry excuse for a man, then you should do the same.

And think about the fact that other people know your situation, if you go back to him, all these people will know that you're weak and will lose respect for you.

i know i sound A bit harsh and evil, but you know how it is xxx