Thing is nailit, are you prepared to spend the rest of your life with her in a sexless marriage because that seems a distinct possibility if she won't discuss it. You sound a nice person, not given to cheating on your wife, but I think that would be a tragedy if you were forced down this path. The reason I said ask her if she's OK with you taking a sexual partner was to make her aware that this is what could happen. I had a friend who was just like your wife and when I asked her if she was OK if he sought sex elsewhere she was extremely put out at the thought - well put out enough to "allow" him to have intercourse just the once in about 4 years. But she admitted she didn't love him anymore and said she stayed for the children. What a sad state of affairs.