Bullies from childhood

[Purple_Popple]

I have been chatting on FB with some old school pals who set up a page for our school days - sharing memories etc, I was bullied badly at school and will never forget the people who did that. Some of these 'bullies' have asked for my friendship and I've declined - why do they act like nothing happened back then, or perhaps they cant remember, but would you live and let live and befriend them, or would you ignore them and have nothing further to do with them?

[katdarn79]

I dont believe they could bully someone that bad and forget about it, keep away from them!

[Kiki-frog]

Tough question! The point is that you have the upper hand here. You can accept the friendship or not - it's entirely your choice. It might be worth talking to them as an adult and asking them directly why they acted as they did. If I was in your shoes I probably would, but that's just because I'm a nosy old cow. But that's your choice.

The main question is whether you feel the need to revisit these incidents and find out what was going on for the bullies. That's your call, you're the one with the power here.

If you do make contact, please don't relapse into victim status.

[annie0000]

Me being a bit nosy, I would accept the request and ask why they want to be my friend now when they made my life a misery at school?

I'd also take the opportunity to have a good nose at their profile and hopefully karma has been at work on their lives - how many years ago are we talking here? I tell my kids especially my eldest who gets a really hard time at school that the best revenge is to love a good life - the youngest says that next time one of them bothers him he's just going to say "when we meet as grown ups, please remember that I will be wanting fries with that!"

Eldest went back to Judo tonight after a break of a year and a half - his suit was too small, so he had to borrow a jacket and belt from the leader. Lo and behold, one of the kids that picks on him from school has started going and was there - a lower rank than my son - my son went for 3 years before he gave up before. Anyhoo, they had no idea that my son had been before and mistook him for a newbie as he didn't have his own jacket and the belt that shows their grade, they got paired up in a match and this kid went in with a cocky smile , my son just looked at him expressionless for about 5 seconds, squared up and threw him right over his shoulder and flat onto his back, put on a hold and end of the round!!! I've never been more proud!!!

[jno]

so would I have been, annie!

[annie0000]

jno - he came back had his shower and is lying in bed with a huge grin :o) School might be quite interesting tomorrow...

[divegirl]

I agree with Annie, I would accept and when it asks if you would like to write on their wall just put '' Oh Hi, How are you, did you add me so you could apologise for making my life a misery at school?''

Also Annie.... Please buy your son a treat from me....pure class!

Lisa x

[mandy22]

Annie, that was karma, well done to your son, i hope he remembers that moment for a very long time x

[Davethedog]

I am in my mid 50's now there is a boy I went to school with that bullied me mercilessly, I wasn't bullied per se, just this one boy.

If I saw him now say crossing the road I would run him over, if I thought I could get away with it.

So no ignore unless you think you could make their lives a misery

[andy-hughes]

It may be a generation thing - as I have advised before - but I don't posess the 'social network' gene. I have no interest at all in re-kindling friendships with my ex scholmates, and would not give a second's thought to considering contact with those I disliked, even less to those who bullied me.

I completely fail to see why you have considered this at all, much less to the point where you feel the need to secure advice from others about what to do.

What exactly would you stand to gain from contact with people who made you miserable as a child / young adult?

I would delete them from your facebook, but even that would not be done as quickly as you should delete them from your mind.

[whiskeryron]

//
woofgang
I honestly think that people "forget" how horrible they were at school //, I don't agree, it is my opinion that a Leopard just does not change it's spots. If you invite these people as 'friends' sooner or later they will turn on you & you will regret it.

W Ron.

[annie0000]

thanks guys :o)

let us know what you decide to do PP.

[annie0000]

Just as an add here, I wasn't involved in bullying at school, but i was aware that there were some people that were getting a hard time and I regret now that I didn't make an effort to befriend them or make things any easier for them. Now as an adult I think that is almost as bad - I regret that, so maybe these bullies regret what they did too?

[woofgang]

Ron that's why the "forget" was in inverted commas....I think they don't want to remember

[Brinjal]

I wouldn't bother with them. If you would be friends with them if you bumped into them or lived near by why be friends on fb. People like that are nonentities in your life don't give them another thought. I remember meeting a girl i went to school with who was just nasty to me and had the satisfaction of sitting in business class while she the stewardess had to run round after me. She gave me a great big hello and I just gave a smile and asked for a drink and ignored her efforts to strike up a conversation.