Destroyed by married man

LaurenD | 15:18 Thu 31st May 2012 | Body & Soul

67 Answers

I have read with great interest a number of posts concerning relationships with married men, and I agree with all of them.
However, I am on the brink of desperation regarding my situation.
After 2 years it is obvious he wasn't going to leave his wife or commit, and the past year has been a series of rows between us. He wanted to stay for the children, but wouldn't commit to me on any level, except to say he and his wife lead separate lives, separate bedrooms, ad nauseum, and that they would never get back together, ever.
Two weeks ago, after another bad patch he was silent for many days, before texting to say it was no longer fair to keep me caged and trapped, and that we must both find happiness now.
He has ended it with me so often I took little notice, but was so fed up with it all myself that I deleted his number.
8 days later, his boss (with whom I work remotely) emailed to express amazement that married man had decided to make another go of it with his wife. It was, of course, the first I'd heard of it. The floor fell from beneath me. It's not the fact that they are back together, despite his constant bitching and hatred towards her, but that he didn't have the guts to tell me.
I have emailed him a very short email to that effect, and have heard nothing back from him, no explanation, nothing.
I am due at a big social event tonight and I want to run away crying. I'm not sure I can ever get over this betrayal. I have been used by him for his own means - to chat when he's down, for support, advice, money (not so much sex, we never met up very often as I hated the double life) - and now I've been thrown on the bonfire when they decide to reunite.
Please don't tell me to keep busy. I've been busier than ever and I feel no better.

Blood Test results.

Poppy allergy?

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tonyav

Genuine mileage Lauren, has he got a full service history as well ( sorry but I couldn't help it ).

LaurenD

Question Author

I was Lauren. He rang twice, three times daily to offload his work problems, kid problem, home problems, or to tell me how wonderful he had been at work or as a father. He'd text what he was having for dinner, what he was watching on TV. He never talked to his wife about these things. If he's suddenly doing so now, well - what a turnaround. Personally the calls bored me senseless so in that respect it's a huge relief LOL!

Brenden

Sorry Lauren he owes you nothing - you are both cheats.

Flyhalf

I'm assuming you knew from the outset that he was married, and I can't advance any sympathy on that count.
However, you have invested much devotion for little or no return, and it's time to cut your losses - wipe him out of your life.
I suggest investing in a DVD of the Glenda Jackson/George Segal film "Touch of Class", and drag it out if you ever feel any regrets coming on.

cazzz1975

Im glad he is giving his relationship another shot especially if he has kids, lick your wounds and move on x

emmie

you will continue to get grief, so get out while you have some dignity left. If the wife finds out, then you will all be destroyed, including any children in this miserable mix.

ummmm

Brenden, who was Lauren cheating on?

Sqad

I agree with Brenden.....you both knew the score at the beginning, you both had the excitement of an illicit relationship and now it has all ended......nothing in life is forever.

Look at the good times that you had.

craft1948

Why is it harsh Kiki? If a person, man or woman, is unhappy in a relationship surely you end that relationship without having someone else as a fallback. I just can't understand the number of people, mainly women, who seem to fall for the "my partner doesn't understand me" routine. As for believing the "we don't have a sex life together" bit that is almost laughable. If they have a sex drive with someone else they have a sex drive at home...........

ummmm

Some people can't afford to end a relationship, Craft.

Kiki-frog

craft, the trump card that invariably seems to be played here is the man using his children as an excuse for not ending the marriage, so it's just not clear-cut black and white as you suggest. I admit I was a gullible prat, and learnt a tough lesson, but it was pure naivete on my part, just as it seems to have been with Lauren. Luckily I had some very close friends who helped me sort my life out when it all fell apart. What Lauren needs is support, not condemnation. That's why I say you're being harsh.

However, if she comes on here again in a few months saying either (a) she has got back together with him, or (b) she's taken up with another married man, I'll be at the head of the queue to give her a good slap!

Sqad

crafty

\\\\ If they have a sex drive with someone else they have a sex drive at home......\\\\

and there lies the problem. That sex drive that the man has at home is not being satisfied, being not reciprocated by the wife, or met with the same indifference and boredom that wives offer after a period of "matrimony"

Wives tend to be boring........mistresses tend to be exciting (for a time) and that is it put simply.