Destroyed by married man

[LaurenD]

I have read with great interest a number of posts concerning relationships with married men, and I agree with all of them.
However, I am on the brink of desperation regarding my situation.
After 2 years it is obvious he wasn't going to leave his wife or commit, and the past year has been a series of rows between us. He wanted to stay for the children, but wouldn't commit to me on any level, except to say he and his wife lead separate lives, separate bedrooms, ad nauseum, and that they would never get back together, ever.
Two weeks ago, after another bad patch he was silent for many days, before texting to say it was no longer fair to keep me caged and trapped, and that we must both find happiness now.
He has ended it with me so often I took little notice, but was so fed up with it all myself that I deleted his number.
8 days later, his boss (with whom I work remotely) emailed to express amazement that married man had decided to make another go of it with his wife. It was, of course, the first I'd heard of it. The floor fell from beneath me. It's not the fact that they are back together, despite his constant bitching and hatred towards her, but that he didn't have the guts to tell me.
I have emailed him a very short email to that effect, and have heard nothing back from him, no explanation, nothing.
I am due at a big social event tonight and I want to run away crying. I'm not sure I can ever get over this betrayal. I have been used by him for his own means - to chat when he's down, for support, advice, money (not so much sex, we never met up very often as I hated the double life) - and now I've been thrown on the bonfire when they decide to reunite.
Please don't tell me to keep busy. I've been busier than ever and I feel no better.

[chaptazbru]

Lauren - a tip, don't go out with any more married men !!!

[boxtops]

If he doesn't reply, lauren - just leave it. Walk away. He's used you for his own ends, with no intention of leaving. He's married. Leave it.

[joko]

people keep saying oh they never leave their wives... well divorce rates are pretty high - peoples split up all the time.
people get married and wish they hadn't, fall out of love etc etc
people make mistakes.

its not totally out of the bounds of possibilty to meet someone and have them leave their partner to be with you ... it does happen... you only get one life and if you find someone who is 'the one' married or not, its understandable to want to see it through ...

we all fall in an out of love all the time ... going through a ceremony doesnt change how you feel.

i am not supporting cheating of course.

the only way to ensure they truly love you too and will leave their partner for you is to withhol dany sex and tell them you will wait for them to end their relationship before you go their - if they dont then you have your answer...
but going there first is foolish

remember if you are 'the one', wild horses will not stop them being with you... excuses = not real

[LaurenD]

It's been a huge life lesson and I am a wiser person for it. At the end of the day, he is back with his wife, no damage done. I happened to meet a man who drew me in completely and I'm sure he to this day feels he did nothing wrong towards me. Fantasists are always in the right. I don't want to be a bitter woman scorned and I'm not. But I am very very happy to be out of this. If he doesn't reply about the money, I will walk away.

[littleja]

Lauren, if he does not reply about the money then email him that maybe his wife will be more willing to repay his debt. He is a stinking rotter abusing your love, taking your money and dropping you AND getting away with it. Stay strong Lauren.

[Sqad]

Lauren

\\\\\people keep saying oh they never leave their wives... well divorce rates are pretty high - peoples split up all the time.
people get married and wish they hadn't, fall out of love etc etc
people make mistakes. \\\

Excellent thoughts put down in words by joko............and true.

[LaurenD]

Thank you Littleja and Sqad for your insights. Yes, married men DO leave their wives, and vice versa, but not this one. He can't pay me back the money and I can't bear the protracted bitterness and my own vengefulness, so I told him to forget the money. The best revenge is to be happy, and that is what I intend to do. Happy Jubilee everyone, and huge thanks xx