When you have nothing positive to say.....

[Smowball]

When somebody is in a never ending bad situation, but keeps hoping it will improve ( hubbie, need I say anymore, poor thing) do you keep trying to say positive things, even though they probably will never happen, or do you you just shut up and avoid the subject?

[albaqwerty]

Shut up and avoid the subject.
I wait for Mr A to mention what's bothering him, when anything does bother him that is.

[jno]

is it possible to look for individual things that you could make better, even if you can't change his overall situation?

[ummmm]

Only if they bring it up. Otherwise you could just be reminding them.

Saying that, if they looked down in the dumps for more than a few days I probably would say something.

[Smowball]

There is nothing I can do _ I (stupidly) mentioned that we had Olympic tickets for 3 events next months and just got " Don't care - (childs name) probably isnt gona be coming is she so couldnt care less."
Didnt really know what to say after that!

[ummmm]

Will he still go to the events with you?

[Smowball]

I think so ummm, he is just so down now that I dont know what to say anymore. Its just gone from bad to worse and I feel a tad helpless, but tbh there is nothing I can do anyway.

[albaqwerty]

Smow, I'd like to suggest the following.

Leave it for a couple of weeks. If I remember rightly, child's mum is a pain and the child is stuck with her and (to be brutal is probably loving the conflict).

Gently suggest that you and he go, nearer the time, after contacting his daughter. If she doesn't go, make sure you both take loads of pictures so when she grows up, she can see what she's missed (not in a nasty way I hasten to add)

Remind the mum (what a misnomer) and the daughter that they Olympics will probably not be coming back to the UK in their lifetime.

[Traci66]

Smow, don't know what to say really, when me and OH got married his ex was the complete opposite with her kids and actually just dumped them on our doorstep one day, she just didn't want to know, wouldn't even take them for a weekend. Just be there for him when he is ready to talk xx

[Smowball]

He drove 130 miles to the school on fri to collect her from office. She didnt appear. Turns out she had gone out other gate and gone home with her mother, who wasnt even meant to be there. Drove to house and knocked, they never came to door but he could see they were in.


He said last night he accepts she isnt coming for the summer, agree with all your comments ie take photo's etc but think you'r right alba - child is almost enjoying the attention now.

[tinkerbell23]

Theyre taking the total p1ss out of him its an absolute sin.....x

[ummmm]

Does he speak to her on the phone/email/facebook?

[murraymints]

He needs to toughen up....if he ignores them both for long enough ..does not give them the attention they want..the daughter will make contact eventually..may take time but they ..ex and daughter seem to thrive on humiliating and letting him down....he needs to grow a pair and be grateful for what he has at home !! you should print these replies out and show him !!!

[rowanwitch]

Is there a third party who could intervene maybe one of his ex's family who is more reasonable...

[ummmm]

I don't agree Murray. That would giving the ex all the ammo she wanted.

Can't he just take her out for dinner where she lives?

[Smowball]

She wont reply to emails/txts/wont accept anybody on FB.

He has offered to drive up . take her out for day and drop her home so she doesnt have the car journey, in fact judge ordered it!
Mother then says child has made other plans every time he gets to door!

[Nini74]

how old is the daughter?? this is awful - my hubby's ex was a nightmare when we first got together, but my step-daughter is 16 now and knows her own mind, and to be fair, she always made an effort to see her dad, and even phone us/text without her mum knowing at times....she even had to sneak to visit us when we drove 400 miles up to scotland to visit with her, and mum said can't see her - but daughter "went to the shop" with her friend and came to visit with us for an hour - awful that she had to do that mind, but i think it made it more bearable for hubby that daughter wanted to see him, just couldn't. sounds like your hubby's daughter has been brainwashed by mum ......... i wouldn't mention it unless he does, and then perhaps be a bit harsher about it, let him realise that daughter is also to blame - so if he says about the olympic tickets and that she won't be going, just say "her choice, her loss"......

[ladybirder]

Has he told his solicitor this is still going on Smow, and if so what is he/she doing about it?
I have said this to somebody else on here and I'll repeat it; his daughter will look at things from his POV one day when she is older and the scales will fall from her eyes. It happened with my son and his children and they saw through their mother's antics eventually and told me so.

[Smowball]

he has a very good solicitor and tbh even she is gob smacked at the brazen disregard of anything drawn up in court from the mothers abgle. They are having an urgent meeting on monday and have already have a date to go back to court to show judge mother had ignored all orders again! But as I keep saying, IF daughter is brainwashed, then you cant pyhsically make her get in the car at aged 12. Think daughter would be horrified if she knew what this was doing to her dad

[Smowball]

*angle lol