Can i moan?

[tinkerbell23]

Please can i?

Im going to anyhow :0/

Have you ever been in a situ where not one of your friends are in the same boat as you?

Everyone has kids now (eek!!) or a partner. Not me!

Hoping when i begin work ill meet like minded folk- my best friend has no kids, but is moving a few miles away with her bf...soo happy for her, but ill miss her.

Everytime i go for lunch or even up for a glass of wine to a mates theres usuay a kid or 5... In the nicest possible way, i dont always want to be around kids so i do avoid it sometimes??

My facebook is plastered with photos of all the kids (very cute) and im now getting the speeches about how one day ill have all this and "be complete" grrrr

Thing is i dont know if i even want any because im scared i wouldnt be a good mum, or make my kids feel like my mum makes me feel (not good!) or worse !!

Mentioned this just as a chat to the parents- mum replies tht i have to get myself a bf, as i dont seem capable of that.

Wish she would credit me with the fact i devoted the past 3y to uni, ive done EVERYTHING possible to get a job- start september.....

Gave up my flat to move home due to uni despite the volatile relationship we have. ALOT has came up in my counselling regarding this.

Im afraid im not like her pals kids who are all marrying off. Sometimes it feels like i cant be me. Sorrry for the moan. I went and told all to my gran- we are as thick as theives!!! Love her- shes more like my mum!!! Had been confiding in an aunt, but its been gettin back to mother :0(

At least i had my car to go and stay elsewhere for last night xxx

Sorry again for moaning- its all i do on here! Somewhere to turn xx

[lcg]

tinks....i usually just state the obvious and don't really like other people or their 'messes' - it is far too much work and there is always the risk i will tell someone what i actually think of them. on ab i there is a lovely distance which i can cope with and people on here do seem much more sane than in the real world, so it's a pleasure to come on here and chat while mr kicker is blowing stuff up on the ps3. being nuts myself, living a lot in my life and being the resident psych nurse makes me a good person to have a rant to. lisa x

[tinkerbell23]

Errr well my mum keeps herself lovely- usual expensive bits of jewels and the whole next shop in her wardrobe....

At my age she was gettin married after having me unmarried (eek- catholic family)

Where as me? Im NOT a sheep like she is a follower i aint. I like nice things but will gladly attempt to make something or buy vintage. (frowned upon as is primark). Im thinner yes. I have a career. My start money will be more than her annual wage.

Dunno iv wondered if she is jelous or resented me. She hated being pregnant- she was booked into get rid of me. X

[tinkerbell23]

(i was a concealed pregnancy) x

[tinkerbell23]

Defo lisa and i really appreciate it more than you may realise! Ab is an escape i guess for me!!! The counselling has been good cos ive admitted things id never before! Sometimes i wish my dad would leave and get someonelse i really fear he will die young after she runs him into the ground. I am already deading ever losing my gran - shes not even sick!!

Yes i am an only child aswell- not recommended xx

[lcg]

tinks.....you do not have to like your mother or seek her approval to be an ok person. you need to be happy for and with yourself. nobody else will ever make you happy or satisfied with life. if she is such a cow to you....why bother? by all means stay there till you start your job, but get on with making yourself happy. like you said.....do a course before your job, find a new hobby (out of the house if possible) and get your locks!!! it is her that has the problem and not you. it doesn't matter a fig about how you came to be in this world...it's there for you to explore and enjoy x

[ummmm]

Seems like you're a living reminder of what she missed out on.

What was she like when you were little?

[ummmm]

I wouldn't get the locks!!

[tinkerbell23]

Thank you so much lisa!!! <3

My gran said she dosent know what my mum wants from me or why she is the way she is but ive to be myself.

I was in a terribly bad relationship and was made redundant! Got rid of him, went to uni moved home and got a degree in nursing- i think ive done pretty well tbh. Im actually the only one out of my schoolmates to do so xx

[lcg]

ummm....her mother won't stay out of her room and looks in her stuff. if i did that to my son, he would go mental (and rightly so). it's just another way her mother invades her life and causes distress.

[lcg]

good for you, tinks. you are struggling against the tide already! keep going and find yourself x

[ummmm]

I know that lcg but if the mother is this bad for no apparent reason imagine what she'll be like if Tinks damages one of her doors?

And, in all honesty, it's not Tinks house to make that decision.

[tinkerbell23]

Little....overbearing, wouldnt let me stay in if anyone came to the door woukd throw me out with shoes after me and lock door.

Told me she would shoot my pet rabbit.
Bribed me with money or toys not to tell dad she had just hit me and i mean battered....drew blood sometimes with the odd burst lip. Missed school sometimes.

Yet she would give you the shirt off her back its so confusing! People always say how ive had everythin- they see me having all the best clothes and toys etc but it all came at a huge price believe me.

Used to call friends mums/bfs mums/ sooo interfering!

X

[boxtops]

In that case I would lock the door - I remember being mortified when my mother told me many years afterwards that she used to go into my room and read my diary. Your room is your private area now you're adult.

[tinkerbell23]

I would put locks on if i could afford them tbh but that was a whole other thread haha!! X

[tinkerbell23]

Oh yeah she read my old diarys.

I see her computer history shes searching my mates names or a guy im seeing (im 25 For Funks Sake!!)

You should hear it if she dosent like what im wearing! Oh my! Sometimes if she thinks im not going to wear what she likes she would go buy me a whole new outfit and come in with it so i will wear that! NO joke.

Gets my mates and questions them
Or emails them etc and tells them not to tell me xx

[sherrardk]

Good grief Tinks, we REALLY could be sisters! My mother got my dad to search the Internet to find out stuff about me and my husband (and that was about four years ago when I was 39!) and the blab it all to my siblings. The best thing I ever did was move away and then I never went back to live there, if we had I suspect himself would have done/said something. On the plus side, you will soon have the mans to become independent again so you have got loads to look forward to PLUS the weath is nice. xxx

[tinkerbell23]

Im terrified ill turn into her i swear to god!! Lol

Im sooo glad im not as nosey as that it must be a horrible way to live - im not f*cking interested hahahaha xx

[pizza]

OMG tinks I feel so sorry for you and to be honest I married a guy which was a mistake and found out I was pregnant a few weeks later bit naive at the time trusted him to use condoms and he tricked me into thinkiing he was(I didn't look to make sure) I wanted an abortion but because I was married the doctor wouldn't allow it. My daughters 30 in dec with four kids of her own before the kids she did well got a job and nice partner it upsets me now as she is on her own and it upsets me because I wanted to get rid of her ! I am so proud of her and how she copes x
Your Mum should be so proud of you and if she isn't we on ab are, when the times comes your chidhood will have the best effect on your family for the future because you won't make the same mistakes, and the way your mum is carrying on it will be her loss x

[jno]

no reason you should be a bad mum just because your mum was.

Just the opposite - one of life's little pleasures is figuring out how your parents went wrong and refusing to follow their example. (My parents smacked, I never did.)

Of course it's possible you may come up with a few mistakes of your own, as I did. That'll be your kids' problem! But the main thing is that bad parenting isn't inherited - it's learned, and you can unlearn it, once you've analysed it, which you are doing.

Sounds like you already have a list of things not to do. Great. Stick with it.

[rockyracoon]

Tinks for your own sanity go and live with your gran until you sort something more permanent out, she can't really harass you if you're not living with her. I find it incredibly sad that a mother can treat her child that way. Onwards and upwards chick, once you start earning you'll be more independent and be able to move out and live your life as you see fit. God bless xx