what would you do?

[cameliaheartfelt]

im livid, shaking with anger, want to cry, almost feel like passing out as feel so angry and want to act right away. we usually go away at xmas to our apartment in the sun. our inlaws stay at ours until we get there then rent elsewhere on the complex when we arrive as we only have one bedroom. last year a woman who lives out there found the inlaws an apartment above us and one across from us in the same block. father in law just rung to say that the woman has found them an apartment this year, the one next door. im fuming, just knew it. we have just come back from there and i nearly spoke to the woman and asked if she'd found anywhere for the inlaws yet and as much as we love them, joke joke, we dont want them next door! if only i had! i really want to phone this woman and tell her that next time not to put them next to us. we want to feel like we are on holiday. if i phone the woman though she might get upset and then phone the inlaws though father in law already had one heart attack 10 years ago. i dont think i can wait 11 weeks to then say something to this woman, its upsetting me so much. i can accept it this one time but its dawned on me that this could be every year in future. there is a high wall between us but its open at the top. i just dont think i will be able to relax, speak, move, be initimate if you will, they will be passing things over, across the balcony, icecream that was one thing last time when they were in another block, coming round for a jumper because it went chilly etc etc. i feel like i want to cancel the flights now or change them, get hubby to take me somewhere else but why should we plus they would have the apartment all the time then wouldnt they! i just dont get it how they dont get it. we are pretty close, dont see them too much but when we do they come and stay a night or two. we are off for a special birthday weekend next weekend so i dont want to upset them. i even thought should i ring them and tell them its too close for comfort.. what would you do or can be done? i know im not going to sleep until its resolved, ive got big work commitments for the next 3 weeks and cant afford issues, hubby thinks that maybe the woman on the complex thinks shes done the right thing. im going to sleep on it but i want action. the only thing that i can can think of is when we see woman on complex next year once inlaws come home etc, then mention it to her 'in passing' if possible but i just dont think i can last that long without saying anything. it is making me a wreck. i came off sleeping tablets and valium a while ago and upheavals arent good for me.

[cameliaheartfelt]

so Sqad, would you say something, ie ring them up, saying you couldnt relax on holiday, they know what im like, find it hard to relax anywhere me?

[Sqad]

LOL....well I wouldn't have got into this state in the first place.

One can either "bite the bullet" and make this the final trip or ring up and "come clean."

I would do the latter.....the sh1t will hit the fan, but the ground rules would be laid for the future.

Difficult decision........but all important ones are.......

Good luck.

[cameliaheartfelt]

i just cannot believe how much i was looking forward to my xmas break and within hours of being back all my illusions are shattered, shattering me. i know i am going to be very ill and angry with myself if i dont say anything but then feel mortally guilty for having said something. im tortured with anxiety, thats me, i can feel my eyes really heavy underneath like they used to be when i was having a major life crisis re husband. i feel like i dont want to be here anymore, all because of someone's elses actions, they dont realise how much this is hurting me emotionally. i just cant bring myself to make that phone call and want to just lie in bed all day crying and regretting not doing the right thing for me. will this pass do you think or will the weeks of waiting just make it worse and emphasise the problem?

[cameliaheartfelt]

im especially annoyed that i'm a coward but always try to keep the peace for the sake of my own happiness, i hate myself for this.

[Smowball]

Am not sure how you can tell them that you don't want them next door without offending them. if i were you and felt that strongly I would ring the lady who has given them the apartment next door to you and see if she can move them elsewhere and then she can tell them a white lie and say she has accidentally double-booked the one next door and has to move them.

[tamborine]

Say you've had a wonderful offer of a holiday in Barbados - book it & let me use your holiday home :)

[cameliaheartfelt]

well i just rang them, went worse than i expected but had to be done! spoke to his mother first, she didnt like it, touch the tack of have you got a problem with us, arent we family, we dont have a problem with each other do we. then spoke to his father, thought he would be more understanding, problem is, only 2 apartments left and the other one they had last year above on corner was very drafty and his father got ill, dont know why though. His mother said about having that one which we wouldnt want them to do, we said we would change our dates and they could have ours totally if it came to that. I feel guilty now, knew i would but i couldnt win. His father is going to get back to me, cant wait! They are just waiting in for foot woman so that should stunt discussion for a while. im dreading next weekend now, and i shouldnt be, feel guilty about facing them, was meant to be a lovely weekend celebration and i will probably look false now even though i am sincere, hence why i had to open my mouth and say what i felt without trying to hurt feelings, not! get me out of this one!

[EDDIE51]

At least dont be angry with the person who found the apartment for the Inlaws , she was just doing what you asked. If you specifically wanted them to be away from you , you should have told her.
Anyway can you contact the people who own the block and see if there are any more apartments available near but not next door? Or if there are any in other blocks close by? Booking are down at the moment I would think there are a lot of places available.
Please try to calm down , you are taking this far too seriously. It is not that big a problem.

[pastafreak]

I was going to suggest the same as Smowball....and if that didn't work-go to the in-laws.
But you have now...and once the dust has settled,I'm guessing you won't see too much of them when you [do] go on holiday,as they may try to avoid contact.

[cameliaheartfelt]

we didnt ask woman to find the place, inlaws did.its a residential not touristy complex so there are usually lots of seasonal lets. im going to put hubby in firing line now,he should support me on this. they've always had caravan holidays years ago and went around with his nan so suppose they wonder why we cant be a family. he can say that they know what im like, not being able to switch off etc. the first time in 18 years and its come to this, as i said cant set a precedence, having them next to us every year! still feel bad though, am i ever gonna feel good about this!?

[cameliaheartfelt]

They would see Snowball that the apartment next to us was empty after all and i do think the woman would say something to inlaws about us not wanting them by us if we spoke to her. What a mess!

[Old_Geezer]

I do wish OPs used paragraphs.

Sorry, it may not be what you want to hear but unsetting though I'm sure it is, the reaction appears to be a bit hysterical.

You are over-reacting by miles. For a short while they are next door rather than across the way ? Can you really not stand them that much ? Did you specify to the woman who lives there a minimum distance the in laws apartment was to be from your own ?

I think if you intend to continue this type of arrangement in future years then, nearer next time would be best for minimum distance away requests to the kind lady who finds an apartment for your in-laws. Although expect the in-laws to find out about the request.

I think you need to calm down and get this into perspective. It may not be what you wanted but it is done and there are worse things in life than being next to the in-laws for a holiday. Buy a meditation tape and relax or something. Join a self improvement class to try to minimise your reaction to not getting what you want. You don't have to be intimate with your partner over the holiday, might even be more relaxing if you weren't and just chilled out. Plan another break just for you and your partner sometime in the new year.

Either that or admit to your in-laws that you just can't stand them but are in denial of the fact, and tell them you just don't want them close and it isn't fair it's being forced on you.

[Old_Geezer]

Wow, had I spotted there was already 3 pages worth of posts I may have moved on without responding. Hope you work it out.

[friedgreentomato]

Sorry but I do think you are over reacting - I really really dislike my MIL but for the matter of a couple of weeks I would put up with it!!

You just tell your MIL you want days to yourself and get on with it - if you overreact to this situation how are you going to cope when something really goes wrong!

[boxtops]

Surely your husband can see what a state you have got yourself into over this - why didn't HE ring his parents? It does sound as if you have got this way out of proportion, but I can see how it's become a major issue to you because of this. However - it's not the end of the world, it's really not worth making yourself so ill over. I do hope you can get it into perspective before you see them at the weekend.

[Jemisa]

I've a feeling I've read this problem before. Did you have the same prob last yea?

Jem

[chrissa1]

My in-laws lived in Malta for 25 years. Most years, but not every year, we went out for 2 weeks with the children and stayed with them.

Why not say to them that you want to be alone and just want a holiday just the two of you. I'm not sure why you seem so against them but you must have your reasons. As others have said before, it's a short period of time. Are they really so awful?

[cameliaheartfelt]

they are not awful, i just feel that i wont be able to relax on the balcony, talk, say what i want without them being literally over the other side of the wall. ive spoken to hubby and hes going to call them later, hes not over the moon about the situation. we didnt specify to anyone about finding them somewhere, they asked themselves. ive exploded i know, i cannot tell you just how desperate i felt last night when i heard this. it took me back to a very dark desperate place, we are very private individuals too and like our time together. no, this hasnt happened before now, they have just moved in a little bit too close for comfort this time and i hope they think how i/we feel. i can imagine if it were me on the other foot i would take it personally, at first , but then hopefully see the other side.

[Smowball]

Just out of interest, what does your husband think about it all?

[Nini74]

Part of me just wants to tell you to get a grip. The other part is telling me that if you've really become so upset over something so trivial, then perhaps you should consult your GP about things, as it appears you have had issues before, so in all seriousness, I really would consider making an appointment to discuss your issues. I think the resolution to your problem is to be found in your own mind, and not the holiday. I hope things work out.