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Dealing with a pervert
16 Answers
A question for women
A man waits at bus stop with you, he deliberately grab his crotch for your attention. You try to ignore him, but he persist by harassing you with some pleasantries.
How would you deal with a situation like that?
I would love to know what's the smartest way to deal with people like that.
Many thanks
Answers
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I think I would either be very polite and completely ignore what he was doing, as if he wasn't doing it- which would therefore mean he was having no effect on me, or ignore him, get out my mobile phone, dial my sister whilst giving him a filthy look.
This kind of happened to me when I sat on a bench on the seafront next to a perv who had a carrier bag concealing his crotch- but you could see his flies were undone, and his hand was in there, and he was looking at the kids on the beach. I sat next to him, watching him and his hand for sometime, wondering if he would realise he had been rumbled, but he didn't move. So I stood up, walked a few feet away, faced him, and pretended to make a phone call.
He still did nothing and in the end I had to get my bus. But I made it very clear to him that I knew exactly what he was doing, and I wasn't afraid to confront him if he did anything out of order.
As long as there are other people around, laugh in his face and point at the saddo. Otherwise, do as Morrisonker says and scarper. Rather miss your bus than get pawed - or worse!
Having said that, when I was about 20, I was once walking to my bus stop for the last bus in the local interchange and there were other people waiting at their bus stops. Some p***-head came down from the top and as we passed (cos I had to walk past him to get to my bus stop), he grabbed me and tried to snog me, so was shouting 'Get off you creep,' etc. Everyone suddenly went deaf and no one batted an eyelid. Of course, the p***-head thought it was funny and tried even harder, so I was shouting and hitting out at him and stuff, and eventually a guy came over and told him to beat it if he didn't want his head kicked in. It took just one guy to send him on his way after all that, but out of the (approximately) 30 people waiting at their bus stops, he was the only one who would do anything.
So thinking about it, even if you are in public, unless you can run fast, there probably is nothing you can do: perverts will be perverts and what the hell is anyone going to do to stop them? Big fat nothing!
Years ago my mum was once alone in a bus station when a man approached her. He was holding onto his erection and said "What do you think of this?" She very calmly replied, "It looks like a penis...only smaller." He then scuttled off, somewhat deflated. She said she was terrified but determined not to show it. I think one of the biggest kicks these pervs get is scaring women, so I would advise anyone in that situation not to show fear but laugh at them or ridicule them, if safe to do so. If you are totally alone & don't feel safe, run for it and scream your head off.
I've been in similar very frightening situations and my reaction is based on how many other people are around etc. I was once groped on a train by a revolting dirty tramp but when I screamed out causing him to flee, and when I sat there very obviously upset, everyone else just ignored me. It infuriates me that I feel too scared to do anything effective but I am just fearful of things getting nasty .... you never know for sure if these people have a syringe or a knife. Unfortunately, I think many victims feel similarly and these sickos get off on the fear and disquiet they create.
What I wish I had the presence of mind to do, and the courage, would be to take my shoe off, hit "it" with all the force I could muster whilst shrieking that there was "something revolting in your lap" !!
I keep something in my bag that has got me out of many scary situations! I got a childs police badge, stuck it into a plastic wallet next to a photo (which is actually of Kylie Minogue!!) & added stuff to make it look official. If I get approached or anything like that, I just flash my homemade cop badge & say sternly "I wouldn't do that" It's never failed me yet.
Morrisonker.... Oh I would have, believe me!!! But the whole time I was there he was motionless and I couldn't see what he was doing because of the carrier bag shielding his lap. I was waiting for do something so I had some proof, and there was nothing. being a teacher, I am actaully very good at telling people off in a condescending and "disappointed" way, or just yelling when necessary. I shouted at a group of horrible kids who were attacking the glass in a bus shelter- but it was the instictive "teacher sorting out trouble" in me doing it, not the real me!! I had to have my teacher head on, and I even shocked myself. I hate it that people are too British and repressed to even tell kids off. is it any wonder they grow up with no boundaries or repect? But that's another issue..
slightly different, but my friends mum was on a crowded train when a man put his hand on her bum. She grabbed hold of his hand, held it aloft and shouted "THIS HAND TOUCHED ME" did the trick and he moved off down the train.
If there is no-one else around I think i would just walk away - the problem with weirdo's is that they're weirdo's! and you never know how far they're going to go.
When I was about 12 I was in town with my friend and her mum. Her mum wandered off and said we could go off alone but we'd have to meet her in half an hour. So me and my friend were in the market area and I felt someone rub my leg. It was very busy so I thought that it was a genuine mistake. Then I felt it again and this time it was very obvious that someone was doing it on purpose. I told my friend and we ran through to the shopping area and hid in one of the shop until we saw the culprit walk past looking for us. We told a random lady and she escorted us up to meet my friends mum but something I will never forget is that when I told her she said to me 'Maybe its because of the way you are dressed'!!!!!! I was only 12 and I was wearing a short skirt and a t-shirt? Does that really mean I deserve to be felt up by a stranger? I wish I had said something to her at the time. She annoyed me more than the pervert. Anyway I never forgot what he looked like and years later I bumped into a friend of a friend in town and the pervert turned out to be her dad. I never told her. Totally different story but hey!
I worked on the railway and was working a train on night to Liverpool. A guy was harrassing EVERYONE on the train and I was trying to get him to leave people alone. At the next stop a young female nurse got on the train in uniform. He made a beeline for her. So I went up to him and suggested that he leave her alone. She just replied "It's ok, I'm a psychiatric nurse, I put up with guys like this all day". With this he just got up, sat alone and never said a word to anyone else. CLASSIC. And still makes me smile.
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