Abuser Who Was Abused - Now What?

[ruthandsam]

My son (sjg) took the brave decision to approach his sexual abuser and ask him why he did it. The reply was, because he had been abused and he's had a sh*t life so don't bother him with all the questions!!!

I just don't know what to say, think or feel.

In response to the answer or more of a way of moving on, sjg has contacted the local rape and sexual abuse support group, which is good news.

I just feel all mixed up because the abuser was the son of my ex-best friend. I'm trying so hard to be supportive but inside I'm a mess. My ex-bf has been trying to contact me again but she has no knowledge of what her son did.

I don't know what I'm really asking but how can I stay supportive to sjg without involving my own feelings, I suppose?

[DTCwordfan]

I have a lot of sympathy in your situation.

An awful lot of abusers have been abused so your case is not that rare, not that there is much solace in that....

I feel all you can do is to let him know that you are there for him whenever and if he wants to unload. I certainly wouldn't go out of my way to meet your old friend. Also, I am sure, as has been suggested, a support group can also help you in your feelings as I suspect you are feeling guilt and shame that this has happened. That is a natural parental feeling.

[DTCwordfan]

Not pretty reading re statistics. Ok it's the USA but it's indicative.

https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/30-of-abused-children-become-abusers-how-do-you-avoid-it.15622/page-2

[andres]

So another paedophile gets away with abuse.!! How many more did he abuse as well as your son? Get him reported

[gness]

Hi Ruth...hope you're feeling a bit less mixed up today. Things will take time and you have a lot to deal with.

Take care....Gx