Sex Addict

[MadMen]

I wasnt going to ask this as its such a personal subject but here goes.
I have recently started dating a guy who is a few years younger than me. He is absolutely amazing. He treats me so well and is unbelievably gorgeous.
The trouble is, he seems to just want sex. All the time.
We only see each other on weekends (I have kids and don't want to confuse them) and he says that this isnt enough.
He meets me on my lunch break, and asks for sex. He picks me up from work, and asks for sex. He asks me to stay over at his, and asks for sex.
I don't deny him, but for me it's just not on my list of priorities. I always think of what I can be doing... like my work from home or the kids' ironing.
I am 30 and he is 23. I wonder if this is the problem?
He says he and his ex had sex 3-4 times a day! Seriously, I'd be happy with once a week. I am honestly not bothered about sex, but don't want to sound like a bore...

[Scarlett]

Lots of good advice on here already but thought I'd add my opinion. He is very lucky he has a nice face. Because of this fortunate genetic fact, he has been able to sail along, having sex with who he pleases. And because we are genetically programmed to mate with a good, fit, even-featured specimen, you have fallen for his pretty package. But watch the ducks. The male chases the female. She runs away. He keeps chasing her. She eventually lets him jump on her and they mate. That's nature. Then he goes off and feathers some other bird. This man seems to be a very base creature indeed- bowing to his most basuc urges. He is really no better than a duck looking for another duck to jump on. I wouldn't be flattered by this. As you say, he would probably fancy a nun. But his habit is being fed by you, and as a result he wants more. If one of your kids wanted to eat only sweets, all day every day, would you let them, because they're gorgeous and lovely? This chap needs to learn that women should have a better place in his life than as something to shag. You would be doing him a huge favour by explaining this to him. In nature, sex is for reprodution; men are programmed to spread their seed (especially when young and fit) and women are programmed to have babies and nurture them. I would hope that we are a bit more developed than the ducks and dogs, and can have meaningful relationships than include but aren't obsessed with sex.
Let him go, and find a man who really likes YOU, not your privates.

[knowabit]

I remember reading somewhere that 90% of men have a high sex drive, and 90% of women have no sex drive!!

[lcg]

he sounds like a Snag to me, asking for sex on your lunch break. does he really think that is normal or acceptable every day (or even 4 times a day). anybody who shags him that much, imho, will get very bored of him, very quickly and that may be why he can't keep a partner for any length of time. for me, it's definitely quality over quantity. do you really trust him to keep his *** in his pants if you refuse him? any partner with a brain will know you have to compromise on the issue of sex to maintain a healthy relationship - and he doesn't sound like he has a brain.....

[McMouse]

I think I could manage once a week.

[piggynose]

I´m lucky if i get it once every 3 weeks : (

[MadMen]

Thank you for taking the time to respond Scarlett. Your answer has really made me think. I think you have hit the nail right on the head. He was supposed to come round last night but text me to say he was going to the gym and wouldn't be finished until late. I told him I wasn't feeling very well (I genuinely wasnt) and if it was too late then not to worry as I would probably end up getting an early night. He didn't bother to reply.
I left it at that and then spent most of last night wondering if he really is as amazing as I think or if it's just because he has a lovely face and oozes confidence. He rang me this morning and asked if I wanted to go out to eat tonight. I said I couldn't as the kids would be here and I promised I'd take them to the cinema. I said I could do this tomorrow night but he got really moody and just said he'd speak to me later. He then sent me a text about 5 minutes later to say that he feels second best all the time. What, to my kids? Of course he is!
I just tried to phone him but surprise surprise it went to voicemail. He's probably at the gym. I left a message saying perhaps he should pop round today if he had time as I'd like to talk to him. I've yet to get a response.
He's clearly sulking because I can't just drop everything and see him tonight, even though I've said I can do it the next night. I thought I was dating an adult but it appears I'm paired up with kevin the teenager!

[MadMen]

Lol knowabit. I do have a sex drive, but I would just say it's normal rather than high or low. I have spoken to my female friends about this and they've agreed that's it's all a bit much. It's not that I don't want sex with him but he just wants it at such inconvenient times.
lcg76, I can't go doing stuff like that on my lunch break and then going back into work straight after. Yuk! I'm so busy at the moment, trying to juggle work studying and the kids and he just seem to understand that. He thinks I can just be available and at his beck and call whenever.
McMouse, I'd be quite happy with that too. Honestly, sex just doesn't feature high up on my list of priorities.
Piggynose, at least you're getting it. Just be thankful for that :-)

[Scarlett]

Yes, he is a sulky teenager, and life is very kind to those with pretty faces. Handsome men and pretty girls do have an easier time than those who are not, and so he is now used to having his own way all the time. He sounds like a child. Tell him off like a child! Remind him that he is an adult and is behaving like a little boy. He can carry on perfecting himself down the gym- the purpose? To attract more women. What a sad and empty life he has. You deserve better. Focus on your lovely children and maybe meeting someone who has some respect for you!

[Scarlett]

And a P.S- if he is having that much sex, he will sooner or later get someone pregnant. And then his fun will be over, because half of his money will go to that girl FOR EVER to pay for the baby he didn't want. The gym membership will have to go for a start! That will make him grow up pretty quick. Maybe he should try and understand that sex without love is kinda pointless and can do more harm than good, ultimately.

[craft1948]

Send him round to mine...............I'd soon put him off it.

[MadMen]

Scarlett, he does behave like a little boy. He is a bit of a spoilt brat really. Anyway, update: he's coming around tonight and I intend on giving him a good talking to. I think I need to explain to him, nicely, that this isn't really how adult relationships are. The more I think about it the more I wonder what on earth I was thinking in the first place. Something new and exciting I think. Its more of a headache though.
Ha ha craft1948. I'll send him on his way!

[cathfromsaron]

does he respect you as a person with her own life or a sex object?

enjoy this whilst it lasts!

[boxtops]

MadMen, as this thread progresses, it sounds as if it's been really useful to you to think it all through....

[Sqad]

\\ I think I need to explain to him, nicely, that this isn't really how adult relationships are.\\

"some adult relationships"

Do as you have suggested above and in my opinion, the relationship will end.

[pusskin]

Tell him to bog off and only expect nooky when YOU feel like it!

[MadMen]

Cathfromsaron, I think not. When I first started this thread I had him in my mind and was thinking how lovely he is and how nice he is to me. Well thinking about it he's just normal in that sense. He doesn't actually say or do anything out of the ordinary and I think I've been confusing his constant want and need for sex as a compliment when its not at all really. I think he'd be the same with anyone which is probably why he's had so many relationships.
Boxtops, it really has. As above it's made me really think about the way he is and it's really good to get other peoples advise who aren't connected to me. Although I have spoken to my two close friends about him, they do agree that its all a bit much but they think I should stick with it as he's fun. I used to think he was a fun person too, until I actually got to know him. Now having sat back and thought about our relationship I've realised it doesn't really consist of much. He spends most of his time at the gym! I think I know how this is going to pan out and I don't even think I'm that bothered by it if I'm honest with myself.
There's been some really really good advice on here and I am really glad I asked for it.

[MadMen]

Sqad, yes you are right. I am sure lots of adult relationships are based purely on sex and that is fine. Its just not for me.
Pusskin, I think if I'd said that by now then he would have told me where to go!

[boxtops]

I like it when AB mates can help - sometimes all we need is a sounding board :-)

[MadMen]

:-)

Thank you all.