Sex On A First Date?

[Scarlett]

Is it an old fashioned view that it's not a good idea to have sex on a first date? What is your view on this. I wonder whether girls who do this either are desperate to secure a man/husband and think that's the way to do it, or they have low self esteem and having sex makes them feel special and wanted. If they just do it because they like sex, does this spoil the chances of the relationship being anything other than just sex? In days of old, you were supposed to wait until you were married (according to the church and therefore society) so that men would commit and take sex seriously. I wonder how much has really changed these days? Do you have any first hand experience of this?

[pixie373]

Lol. I know that was tongue-in-cheek, jomifl, but why do men say that? I've asked different men, for a male point-of-view, but they all deny it then!
My opinion (and only my opinion) is that men who claim to sleep with a lot of women/ men who are over-muscled and men who drive flashy cars, are actually doing it to impress other men, rather than to attract women?

[jno]

the church's rules weren't observed all that widely. My aunt - now in her 70s - remembers people tut-tutting when she went off on holiday with her boyfriend, but it's not as if she was excommunicated or snubbed in the street. And there is an awesome list of children on my family tree, going back into the 1600s, born rather quickly after weddings.

As for first dates, if people are just wanting to hook up, good luck to them. But it's probably important for both to know just what they're looking for. If one's after 5 minutes' pleasure (by my watch) and the other is looking for a lasting relationship, there is much potential for confusion and disappointment.

[jomifl]

Pixie, I was of course exaggerating the stereotype, but it does seem to have some anecdotal truth. I think sexual success is a big part of some men's ego and it looks as if some ladettes are trying to emulate them. The irony is that many women who are desperate for a good 'catch' rule themselves out of the game by being just a bit too eager..

[DJHawkes]

when were these 'olden days'? Not in my lifetime, I went out on a friday and saturday night and then went to teach sunday school on a sunday afternoon. Noone asked me where I'd been or who I had been with. Well the superindentant Miss Westby didn't, the other sunday school teachers were out with me usually,

[Sqad]

Previous generations, it was a sin to become pregnant out of wedlock........so, one would wait before one had sex.

Now......being pregnant is "no big deal"...so, why not have a go on the first date?

It was looked down upon to be a bastard, now bastards are the rule.

Would i have sex on the first date....too right I would.

Would i have sex on the first date as a teenager?......no, too bloody scared of getting her pregnant.

Women that i have had ( to demonstrate illegibility to answer)...about 43.

[cupid04]

Has it dropped off, sqad?

[Sqad]

Oooopps! sorry....44

I forgot the Salvation Army Chorister one Saturday night at the back of the Grave Maurice pub in Whitechapel.

[shoota]

Surely you've missed a '1' off the front sqad?

[cupid04]

With tambourine?

[Sqad]

shooter....LOL...no, I have always been a "very shy boy."

[Sqad]

cupid...LOL...very good........;-)

(I even bought a War Cry from her...see i am a gentleman)

[FredPuli43]

Who waits for a first date? I've known women met at parties who have wanted sex, no question of having met them before.

[cupid04]

bought one or got one.......

[Sqad]

cupid..LOL

Fred...good point.......I will need to start counting again as the OP said "First Date"..........;-)

[pizza]

Sex is great and if you meet someone on a first date and the chemistry is right why not? as long as you take the neccessary precautions.
I have had some great experiences over the years, doesn't make me a *** just someone that has known what they wanted and not being afraid to go for it.
Too many people these days have hangups about sex.

[Sqad]

pizza.......have you been in the Salvation Army?

[Kramer21]

Pizza, did any of the guys in question pass the word around that were marriage material? I'm guessing no.

[baza]

when going out on a date my dad always told me to be in bed by 10.30, if not , then come home.

[joko]

"...as men enjoy the thrill of the hunt and the sense of achievement at the end which you wouldn't get with a woman who gave it up on the first night.."

"sense of achievement"!! What The Funicular!

this notion that sex is something that is 'done' to women and they just endure it for men is ridiculous
wherever did men get this idea that sex was 'theirs'?
that we are there to be hunted and won etc?

and 'give it up'? why is she giving anything up?
why cant she just like sex?

women may feel dirty because others make them feel that way, not because they have actually done anything dirty or wrong.
they dont actually feel dirty inside- they just think other people will think they are - and thats not the same thing.


scarlett - there are other things to consider in that study - safety is one - if a man walks up to you in the street and asks for sex, a girl would worry that he could be a weirdo - as its a weird thing to do - he could also hurt her - a man would not have that worry - i would bet that is one of the main reasons they said no.

i agree that generally women want a bit more out of sex - they want a bit of romance, excitement, connection, to be in the mood etc - whereas men seem to be happy to just have somehwere to put it...

[joko]

'ladettes' are not trying to 'emulate' men at all! - they are just doing what is natural for them - something that has been denied to women for centuries - this notion that women are delicate little flowers that are easily shocked etc and that are only there to look good for their men is a man-made situation and is actually unnatural.

women have discovered that some things are fun, and being female doesnt change that.

i hate the phrase ladette because it implies that what they are doing is somehow trying to be a man and is therefore unnatural for a woman - it is not.