How Often Do You Have Sex?

[jd_1984]

This is a serious question which is why I havent put it in Chatterbank, which would likely encourage humorous replies!!
But, as a newly married man I am not sure whether we are being intimate frequntly enough. I realise circumstances will play a huge part in marital relationships but we are probably being intimate around 2-4 times a month (not including kissing and that type of affection)
As a younger man, in less serious and more casual relationships, I was going at it a hell of a lot more. But, I question whether we are in a rut, so soon into married life!!!

[boxtops]

It's different for everyone, jd, so impossible to give you an average. You don't have to be at it all the time..... there are many other ways to express your mutual love and attraction. People have different level sex drives too - there are many things to take into consideration, and whether you are both tired, shifts not coinciding at work, etc. I wouldn't worry about it, as long as both you and your lady wife are talking about it. Ask her what she thinks, too - if she's agreeing with your OP then perhaps you both need to think about the frequency - but you can't "do it" to order just because it's Wednesday!

[Sqad]

\\\\being intimate around 2-4 times a month (not including kissing and that\\\

as a newly married man.....that would NOT do for me and would indicate a poor prognosis for the future of the marriage.

BUT:......if you are both happy with that dismal performance than that is fine.

I am off to my Club now.

[black_cat51]

is it vastly different than before you were married, or are you saying that since you married it's declined?

[boxtops]

I don't think it's dismal, sqad - each to their own....... not sure how old jd and his wife are, either, which may affect how often they want to "perform"?

[grasscarp]

Sqad leaves for the local brothel, a.k.a his "club"

[jd_1984]

We are very happy in all other areas.
I realsie there are many ways to show love and affection. When we met we were at it every day and night. But, now 3 years on and 6 weeks into marriage its just struck me we have been severely lacking in that department!

[Sqad]

I disagree with you boxy...the key words are "NEWLY WEDS"........that is a DISMAL performance.

[Sqad]

grasscarp...LOL

[ChillDoubt]

Chris Rock sums it up and yes, this is a serious answer.
It certainly sounds relevant to your current outlook:
**WARNING** Extreme content:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EfLbDFlrQg

[boxtops]

They've been together 3 years, though, sqad. Maybe newly wed, but not new to the process.....

[Sqad]

boxy...^^^ that is a good point that you make.

[ummmm]

We go through stages. Sometimes we could do it daily, then we might not do it for a month.

I think daily affection is very important.

[jd_1984]

We are young 31 and 24, newly married (but not a new couple).
I am hoping that its just our busy lives that are getting in the way because, from my point of view, the physical attraction is definitely there.
We have breifly discussed this but end up playing the blame game (my long hours at work etc....)
I think as a couple you have these periods and work at them together.

[Sqad]

ummmm...."affection" doesn't enter into the OP's question.

It's SEX.

[ummmm]

He mentioned affection in his first answer!

[ludwig]

This reminds me of the scene from Annie Hall..

[Alvy and Annie are seeing their therapists at the same time on a split screen]
Alvy Singer's Therapist: How often do you sleep together?
Annie Hall's Therapist: Do you have sex often?
Alvy Singer: [lamenting] Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.
Annie Hall: [annoyed] Constantly. I'd say three times a week.

[boxtops]

I really wouldn't worry about it, jd - we know ourselves how the stresses of the day job seriously get in the way of more personal things. If you are happy and neither of you is too bothered at the moment, some might say that 2-4 times per month is actually quite good going! Perhaps you need to make a date a couple of times a month as if you were still courting, to make a special effort..... :-)

[ummmm]

My OH said he'd rather not have sex than be denied affection. It's very important to feel loved.

[jd_1984]

Affection is a daily thing, hugs, kisses etc....
Its the nitty gritty that is perhaps lacking... :-/

Perhaps our inability to call this "an issue" is a problem. It clearly is for both of us yet we lie in bed watching tv and its become the elephant in the room.

I am planning a weekend break for us (not a solution but hopefully some "us" time will help this)

[ummmm]

It's also difficult having kids in the house.