My friend has a friend with benefits. They have been having a sex-only relationship for 3 years. He tells me it is sex only. She however is very needy and seems to be in love with him. She is only 19 and has only ever been with him. He is older (27). I worry that he is using her for sex and that she now thinks that this is what all relationships are like. My feeling is that he should set her free and allow her to find someone who actually loves her, but he won't- because he has exactly what he wants from her. This bothers me, morally. Am I old fashioned- is it each to their own?
Yes, just someone with whom you have recreational sex. Rather like having a gym partner, you wouldn't have any other obligation to them that to train with them.
\\\They have been having a sex-only relationship for 3 years. He tells me it is sex only\\\
Not much for discussion really........a situation recognised for generations.........she is called a mistress and he, a lover.
Taken as normal behaviour in some countries e.g France and Greece but popular in the UK, but not recognised and thought to be anti-social.
If he's get what he wants but she isn't then it's an unhealthy relationship -- but, like most unhealthy relationships (or even healthy ones for that matter) interference from outside is unlikely to be well-received anyway. At the moment it seems like you "only" have a feeling. Best, I think, to keep that to yourself.
" I worry that he is using her for sex" - but that is exactly what friends with benefits is. Who describes the relationship with that phrase - you or her?
I dont see the problem here as long as both are adults! Hopefully she is not suffering any type of learning disability, then she should be able to work it out!
She should be able to work it out but if she was a child when this arrangement started then perhaps she thinks this is how all relationships work. I think her self esteem is very low too.