Funeral Dilemma.

[hammerman]

My best mates Neice died suddenly aged 24 last week. Although I never knew the girl, im old friends with her mum and very good friends with her nan and granddad (my best mates mum and dad).....still with me ? lol.

So her Funeral is next week but wasn't going to go but I was going to pop into the wake to pay my respects and raise a glass.

I mentioned this to the mrs and she was horrified that I wasn't going to the funeral but going to the wake.

What's the etiquette with this.....should I not go?

Cheers, HM

[Islay]

I'm with your mrs you should go to the funeral and then the wake.

[murraymints]

I think that would be ok..it is her family you knew and who you are showing your condolences to..I think it odd when folk attend funerals of folk they don't know/never met

[Jackdaw33]

Either go to the funeral and the after event or don't go at all.

[Tilly2]

I think you should go to the funeral otherwise it looks as though you are only turning up for the refreshments.
Your friends might appreciate some support at the funeral. Make some time and go to both.

[Sqad]

\\\\.I think it odd when folk attend funerals of folk they don't know/never met\\\

I agree entirely with murray.

[waterboatman]

It's your choice. If you felt like going to support your friends, fine. But, as you say, you didn't know the wee lassie, your plan is also fine. I think that is what I would do.

[Togo]

hammer you could just quietly turn up at the church or wherever the service is being held. It is not usual to attend the graveside or cremation as this is usually close family and invited friends. Yo could then go on to the wake and pass on your condolences personally. If you do decide to attend the funeral service it is usual for close family and friends to occupy the front pews and arrive with the coffin. You should already be there when they arrive, being in the church and sat at the rear. You will be expected to rise as the coffin and family are brought in together.

[douglas9401]

Stick with your original plan. It won't matter to the dead lass and if it does cause outrage among the whisperers it'll take their minds off their loss for a while.

[Prudie]

I agree with your wife, it's not the same as a wedding, it would be rude to go to the wake without attending the funeral. It's almost like going to the party bit without having endured the service.

[murraymints]

they probably will not even notice who is at the funeral...there were 200 + at dad's and more than that came along to the wake...some with mobility issues ...some just don't like funerals per se and some who felt uncomfortable in Catholic church..but came along later to show sympathy...no offence taken at all it was nice they thought to show some comfort to the famly

[tamborine]

Terrible to lose one so young and I expect the service will be full of youngsters. Yes go to the wake to support the parents.

[Old_Geezer]

It's not to benefit the dead but show support for the living. I don't see why you can't give a little of your time to show support at the funeral but maybe ask the family what you should do.

[EDDIE51]

This works both ways, I have been to funerals where the actual ceremony was just for family and close friends while the wake was for everyone. I have also seen the other way round, funeral for everyone wake for family and close friends only. A lot depends on the place the 2 events are happening.
In the last funeral I went to the actual service was in a very small chapel so family and close friends only, while the wake was in a large hotel reception room with room for 150 people.

[EDDIE51]

Just a thought, if the service in at a crematorium as seems to be the case most of the time now, there is usually a limit on the numbers who can attend due to the size of the chapel. Ours has a limit of 50 people.

[ummmm]

If it was a member of my family I wouldn't care less if you went to the service or not. Although in my experience is it quite comforting to see a 'decent turnout'

The Catholics have a mass the evening before the funeral so people that can't make the funeral can pay their respects.

[Peter Pedant]

all or none

you could after all go to the funeral and not the wake ....