Parents ....what Would You Do ? ...distraught

[dieseldick]

i had police onto my x wife approx 6 months ago ( if anyone can rem the post) last week i again had social services call on her as she was leaving my 7 yr old daughter everyday from 11am to sometimes 12 midnight basically to defend for herself, make her own dinner etc ( suer noodles or samwhich ) everyday. xwifey was away somewhere which is none of my business if she was working or with a man i do not have one iota . tonight i took a notion to drive over there and check up, all kids in street told me my daughter had went over onto the " big road near park " with another child alone the 2 of them, i tried call my daughter ,no answer, texted the xwife all i recieved was a barrage of abuse with the most vile language . i searched around near city park and centre then 30 min later my daughter rang me to tell me she was in her friends, but while she was talking to me x wife was heard screaming in background abusive vilest filth, my daughter has to listen to this language everyday. will i get social services involved again or not, my heads telling me if i let it calm dow a few weeks then maybe xwife will not be so aggressive . but thenm why should i continue to let my child grow up running the streets and listening to that kind of language everyday ? xwife hates me because i walked out 2 years ago its very plain to see and she will allways have the upmost disrespect towards me, she is an uneducated nasty woman from the north of thailand anyway and im sorry i ever set eyes in her. but this is about my child.

[hc4361]

You mean PRETEND to send her to boarding school?

[tamborine]

Up to what DD can afford.

[EcclesCake]

Given the various troubles of each parent as given on AB I honestly don't know what advice to give.

[jourdain2]

There are state boarding schools - good idea. DD you must take action.

[EDDIE51]

Tamborine , sorry but yours is a terrible idea. If DD went for it and the social services got to hear of it, it would look very bad for him and make him look worse than the mother!

[EDDIE51]

DD you need to act now.You need to put safeguards in place to ensure the mother does not run off back to Thailand and take your daughter with her!
That has happened in cases like this!

[ladybirder]

I tend to agree with Eccles. Because of DD's health situation, the child could end up looking after him.

Perhaps he should go to SS and tell them what's happening; surely his daughter will verify what DD tells them. Perhaps the threat of losing her daughter will bring his wife to her senses. But as others have said, he must act quickly.

Awful situation for him and his daughter.

[jourdain2]

Are you reading DD? Please, please listen to us all.

[trt]

I know you don't care, but what does the Mother do all day out for such a long time, and how old are the 2 Thai half brothers, I assume from a previous relation?

[dieseldick]

Given the various troubles of each parent as given on AB I honestly don't know what advice to give.

hey, thought i told you before many many times, i do not need or want your advise, stay away !

thanks to all the rest of you guys.

[waterboatman]

I haven't read all the answering posts, but to my mind you should contact social services immediately, to get your daughter removed from that environment and see about getting you custody. The situation you describe is not going do your daughter any good at all. I think you will find the court on your side if you can prove you can provide a safe and secure environment for her.

[ummmm]

Eccles has a point, Diesel. Your lifestyle seems a bit hectic and you have various health issues.

Do you actually witness her mother screaming at her? Do you witness her brothers ignoring her?

[bednobs]

i tried not to answer on the principle of if you can't say something nice ..... but seriously, people are recommending that Dick would be a better parent than the mum? is it better to live with an alcoholic or someone who shputs at you?? It's a toughie!
In all seriousness, i would talk to the school Dick- the teachers see your daughter more often than you do, and will give you an indication of how she is developing/how she is being affected by her (seemingly) awful parenting.

[murraymints]

I would voice my concerns to the appropriate authorities and stand back..let a fair unbiased assessment of the situation take place....

[ummmm]

I was just wondering who witnesses it.

Maybe she just shouts and swears when Dick is about because she hates him.

[hc4361]

Lots of well meaning advice here but nothing very practical.

Get custody - how exactly does he do that?
Get Social Service involved - is there a risk the daughter could end up in care?
Send her to boarding school - don't. Really, don't.

There are too many things we don't know to be of any real help. Is there anything in Dick's background, on record, that could jeopardise his chances of getting custody?
Is there a risk ex wife could flee to Thailand taking daughter with her? If so, how does Dick make sure that doesn't happen?
Is there anything in ex-wife's background, on record, that could help Dick to get custody?

Who should he go to for professional advice re custody?

Is the daughter simply playing one parent against the other? It does happen, even with very young children.

Looking at Dick's opening post calmly:
the police and social services have been told by Dick that his wife is leaving young daughter alone for many hours each day. She has not been removed, so is it actually true?

he didn't see daughter roaming the street, he was told by an older boy - was she?

swearing in front of a child is horrid and shouldn't happen, but as already pointed out, maybe ex wife only does that within Dick's hearing because of the animosity between them.

Dick, if you know when she is home alone you really should fetch her. That is the most important thing you can do for now.

[ummmm]

Full custody you'd have to go to court for.

Social services is a good idea. They aren't monsters.

[dieseldick]

yes, i dont think she swears a lot in front of my daughter when im not there to be honest, she has a lot of hate for me and this is probably why she is doing it i suspect hense the reason im staying away, social services were out today so will see me kid in morning and ask how she got on, girl in social services told me that she will be telling my ex wife that language like this and hitting is unacceptable, wifey akso has a translator there , great, so she will be left in no doubt what is being asked of her now. all in all im glad i went to social services, i also have learnt a valuable lesson to stay well away from wifey as it just makes matters worse.

[hc4361]

Are you divorced now, Dick?

[ladybirder]

Thanks for bringing us up to date DD. Let's hope things get better for your little girl.