ex boyfriend got in touch

[kitten_uk2]

can anyone enlighten me, why my ex boyfriend has emailed me after nearly 3 years apart to tell me his recent relationship has broke up, i am in a relationship with my fiance and we have a baby together, which my ex knew about as we share the same aquantencies, so why on earth did he email me of all people to tell me how bad his life is! i just dont understand him.

[andy hughes]

Often when our lives take a negative turn, we hark back to atime when things were good - often with rose-coloured specs - but we still do it.

Your ex-boyfriend is feeling a bit cazst adrift, so he's casting around for parts of his life that made him feel secure, and trying to reconnect with them. he probably knows logically that there is no going back - you are in a settled relationship, and there's no guarentee that you would ever resolvet the issues that split you up in the first place.

He's not neceessarily looking to go back in life - he just wants a little comfort and emotional security right now.

If you are friends, then e-mail back and tell him you are sorry to hear about his situation - but my instant reaction is to do nothing. Contacing him after this time will cause more problems than it solves, for both of you - and if you are pregnant, that is stress you don't need.

You don't owe him anything, and he must move on with his live - without you in it.

[Cockney_si]

Well said Andy.

He's an ex and you've moved on, his loss.

[littlemissx]

then again though, dont know if you have seen my thread a few down but i have just mailed an ex... i have no idea if he is in a relationship now so he may be feeling the same as you.... he doesnt necessarily mean any harm by it x

[jno]

what you do next depends on how you feel about him. If you think of him simply as a friend, then feel free to offer him sympathy as you would to any other friend in difficulty.

But if you feel the slightest twinge of desire for him, the faintest flicker of wishing to bring back the good old times (which is no doubt what he's feeling, as andy hughes says) - then don't answer. You don't need conflicts like this in your own mind, now or ever.

[kitten_uk2]

too late i already replied, i said i hoped he would sort it out with his girlfriend as they have a baby together aswell, its playing on my mind because i loved this man dearly and we had a very bad breakup because i just couldnt let go, now ive finnally moved on with my life, and him mailing me out of the blue telling me he's single again, has put me right back to square one again.

[WendyS]

How does your fiance feel about the fact that your ex has contacted you?   It may make him feel very unsettled too and fear that he's trying to get back into your life and split up your relationship.   Now that you've e-mailed your ex with  some sympathetic thoughts I'd be inclined to leave it at that and concentrate on the current people in your life.  If you and your ex were meant to have had a permanent relationship the pair of your would have found the strength to make it work.   Value what you've got and hold onto it.

[jno]

if you feel you're back to square one - bringing back the bad times as much as the good ones? - I think WendyS is right: leave it at that. It doesn't really matter what he's up to, it's your own life you have to concentrate on, and it sounds as though you're disturbed by his reappearance. So do nothing to encourage it.

[Jay70]

Ever heard of on the rebound?  Avoid at all costs and just get on with your life - harsh but its safest.

[jedimistress]

I emailled my ex after a recent split. It was because I was feeling low and unloved.

I remembered someone who did love me, and thought it would somehow make me feel better even though he has a new life now. No girlfriend though. It was purely because I missed the closesness of someone and he was the last close thing I remembered before my recent split.

I wouldn't have contacted him otherwise. I guess I just used him as something to make me feel better. I think it's normal to reach for the past when times are hard and your ego is suffering. Meaningless though.

[bracknell]

emotional blackmail or what - tell him straight - no faffing about - you have moved on and do not want to hear from him - just because hes broken up with his latest doesn't mean to say that you will go running back to him - you are worth more than that plus you have a family - his tough luck.

[ladcon]

dont answer him  hes jus usin u babe xxx

[mimififi]

alarm bells ringing I'm afraid Hun.  You have a great life now, you don't want anything messing with your head, or the new guy who loves you and your baby to bits....It could go horribly pearshaped esp if you carry a torch for this chappy.

Let it go.  If he replies to your mail, I wouldn't reply back.  If you weren't friends before the mail, then you don't need to be now.  IF you reply to him again, you will start messing with his head and then before you know it you could be in a compromising situation jeopardising everything you've built over the last 3 years.

Maybe you are secretly looking for a bit of excitement, maybe you are flattered that he mailed you and it's given you a bit of a rush. life with a steady chap and a tiny baby can get dull, if that is the case, make this life more exciting, do not rekindly any flames.  Do no seek it here.  Very dangerous.  I know it's boring but be careful and be sensible.  Do not hide anything from your other chap either, that will be disasterous.  This time round with the baby esp, if anyone gets hurt, it won't be just you.

Good luck Hun, and remember your steady loves you and loves you for now, not for what once was.

If you try to walk while looking behind you; you will trip.