Sexual Abuse

[nailit]

Do you think that you could ever forgive someone that has sexually abused you?
Would you report it 40 yrs later when the abuser is most likely dead anyway, would it serve a purpose?

[Rockrose]

Not going into who and when but I chose to move on and forget not forgive. I made this choice because the hurt it would cause if it came out would be so great I chose to bury it.

[Old_Geezer]

Forgiving is for one's own peace of mind, not for any benefit for the perpetrator. Those who refuse to forgive are saying that they refuse to heal.

In answer to the question, I do not know. Knowing what I should do doesn't always match what I feel that I can.

[rowanwitch]

Two friends both abused, one by her father, first raped age 8 went to see him in her twenties, and found she was able to talk to him and forgive him. Her two sisters also victims couldn't though. Other friend abused by a stranger let it affect her life until she married and had her own family.

[fiction-factory]

It depends. Do you want to see someone or an institution punished or at least made to answer some questions or put things in place to make it less likely to happen in the future? Are you prepared to have to relive it all by giving statements and possibly giving evidence if ever there is a trial? If you just want to try to forget it happened or learn to live with it then I'm sure there are groups that can help- although I recall you are not a great fan of counsellors.

[LadyCG]

I suffered violent physical abuse as a child, from my mother and my step-father. No sexual abuse in my case.

I harbour overwhelming hatred towards my mother mainly. I had learned to live with it at one stage but when she walked out of my life a couple of years as I was being investigated for breast cancer because she didn't want to offer me any support, she ripped the scab off a very old wound.

I can't forgive and I don't want to. I only wish I could prosecute them both for the years of physical and emotional abuse they inflicted.

[Prudie]

Going by what people report as abuse these days (mainly in the celebrity world) I could probably accuse at least 10 people of inappropriate touching when I was a child and once as an adult. No I wouldn't report them as it didn't affect me deeply except perhaps one when I was child (a dirty old man but he only put his hand up my skirt). If it were rape or similar though I might now - even if they were dead it might have some form of cleansing/healing for the victim so I guess that's why they do it.

[Peter Pedant]

// As for the other 2 - kept it to myself but when I got older I did tell a few friends//

sorry about this Jay-jay - this is seen time and again - a social construct even - the kids see what trouble it causes, nothing else happens, and learn thereby to keep quiet. This was particularly seen in Middlesbrough. yes Lady Butler Sloss ( bless!) doing more good! - said ( ordered ) that the Cleveland children should never again be asked if they were abused. Final result was a third werent, a third may have been and a third were. Bless her she made very good other recommendations and went on to totally screw up the Family Court system for 20y but that as they say is another story.

A recount a few years ago ( oo-la-la what did the judge say!) had: a half were and a half - - - may have been. oops! under-reporting there then

Hobbs and thingey ( the paediatricians who were vilified and lost their jobs - Higgs ) are still around and maintain, "everything we said - was later confirmed"

I am sorry it occurred to you Jsay Jay

[Peter Pedant]

// No I wouldn't report them as it didn't affect me deeply except perhaps one when I was child//

One of my school masters is doing time now - there were stories at the time and the boys discussing it didnt seem too upset - but clearly Mr X DID and dobbed him in 50 y later.

[tamborine]

raped at 17y, if I knew his name I would have him beaten up. Loving my 'to be' OH cured my fear of men.

[ummmm]

I don't give my abuser much thought. He's dead now.

[-Talbot-]

Thankfully I have never been a victim but if I had I wouldn't forgive or forget. The perpetrator would have got a serious beating and depending on how bad the abuse was I'm sure I would consider killing them.

[ummmm]

My mum beat my abuser up. He quickly left the country so he got away with it.