Sexual Abuse

[nailit]

Do you think that you could ever forgive someone that has sexually abused you?
Would you report it 40 yrs later when the abuser is most likely dead anyway, would it serve a purpose?

[andy-hughes]

I think the concept of forgiveness should be entirely in the hands of the potential forgiver.

If you are someone who would find peace of mind if you forgave someone who has wronged you, in whatever sense, then forgiveness is for you.

If it would not give you peace, then there is no point in it at all.

The same applies to reporting - if it would make you (I am using the term 'you' generically here) feel better to let other people know what went on, then go ahead, if it would not, then there is no point.

It is entirely an individual choice and decision.

For me, no I would not forgive, because it is not in my nature to forgive someone who has wrong me seriously.

[Tilly2]

Not forgive but try to forget, until circumstances bring it all back. Then, you might want some kind of revenge. Pointless if they've dead, really.

[nailit]

//Pointless if they've dead, really//
The people that assisited their perversions might not be dead tho…
Compiant acclompinces!

[Mamyalynne]

It's totally down to the one that's been abused. Not everyone will see it the same.

For myself, I buried a one off incident and did not report either then or after.

[jennyjoan]

I had 3 incidents but told my mother of the first one when I was about 10. She never told my father etc but went round to his sister and read her the riot act. The sister wasn't to be blamed. As for the other 2 - kept it to myself but when I got older I did tell a few friends and that gave me relief.

[nailit]

//It's totally down to the one that's been abused//
And when your the one that's been abused at 11 yrs of age it all makes sense???

[nailit]

//A drung pat on the bottom is different to rape,//
Spath, get back to this thread when you have a modicum of common sense!

[Mamyalynne]

It is your choice about whether you report the incidents or seek counselling or whatever may help in any way.

I think what we are saying is just that, your choice.

[fiction-factory]

I vaguely remember you mentioning something once about a male teacher. I would report it .. (to be continued)

[nailit]

//I vaguely remember you mentioning something once about a male teacher//
And theres not much point in reporting it furthure ff.

[Theland]

I was sexually abused at age 12 by a boy a few years older than me who was built like a brick shiithouse.
I was powerless.
Over the years I felt anger and shame and struggled to put it out of my mind.
I had counselling several times over the years, but it never really goes away.
Why didn't I fight harder?
Why didn't I run?
Why did I keep it to myself?
I mentioned it to my wife once, when drunk, and she just thought it was rambling, never mentioned again.
None of my kids know except for the night of the drunken rambling.
They have all forgotten it.
Sometimes there is a trigger, like this thread, and it comes back. The sounds, the smells, the feelings, the fear, the bewilderment. So hard to describe.
I wish no harm or punishment on him.
That would magnify my pain.
Yes I forgive him.
Maybe it was a phase for him, that he grew out of. Hopefully!
I live without the memories and hurt, until something brings it back.
It's sad.

[fiction-factory]

NAilit- I think spath is trying to help/answer teh question. I know it's an emotive subject that's clearly troubling you, and maybe we are not sounding sypathetic enough, but I'm not sure spath deserves to be called a "dimwit" here.
The perpetrator may or may not be dead. If dead then there are still things the institutions and police may be interested; if alive, even more so, and it may help forma picture as others may also be reporting.

[Theland]

It's so complicated and mixed up.
Nothing makes sense.
Blanking it out is heaven.

[hazydaisy]

No to forgiveness
Reporting perhaps if it would take away any fèeling of guilt felt by the person abused

[Theland]

I used to go to a self help counselling group a few years ago, and went back two weeks ago.
One lady there, 70, was still there after all these years.
The group keeps her going. She was sexually abused as a child, I THINK, by her father, but not sure.
She spent her life, agoraphobic, and by some miracle, got married. Don't know if she has kids. Lovely lady, life destroyed by the abuse.
she manages to laugh and joke and never asks for sympathy. What a woman!

[Barmaid]

Forgive and forget possibly eventually. Report it probably not. Despite all my training i know how horrific a trial can be. I admire those who do.

Forgiving yourself is often the hardest thing. Once you have done that you can start to move on.

As for revenge my belief is the best revenge is to live well.