I Don't Know Where To Start - Background Is On Here Somewhere.

[jourdain2]

Life has burst apart, courtesy of Son-in-Law, who was discovered, in July, to be sleeping with Ladies of Easy Virtue. 2 children - boy (9) and girl (7). On its own this is bad enough - and some of you will have seen my earlier post about grandson being admitted to psychiatric unit after attacking his mum.
Going from bad to worse. Divorce now likely to be bitterly fought out in the courts and all my savings for my old age will have to go to pay for it. No-one could look after the kids on Friday - he was away, she had to work. I abandoned Mr J2 Thurs. and baby sat. Taught boy his 12x table and girl to sight read music (middle to upper C - she's very musical).
Sat. a.m. Daughter obsessively doing maths GCSE papers (needs to train as a teacher). Screams emanate from playroom where granddaughter was practising the tunes I'd taught. I went to find grandson kicking hells bells out of little girl (curled up defensively on the floor)and shouting 'I'll F...ing kill you'.
Needless to say, I took prompt action. He fled to his bedroom. I pinned him down in there - stripped his stickers from his door and left him there for a few hours for parents to deal with.

Daughter is seeking excuses (!) in that boy has been bullied at school. I'm treading a fine line here and frightened to death for my gentle, musical granddaughter. I don't expect anyone can solve this, but any comments will be helpful. Grandson is now thoroughly scared of me if that helps. It's horrible.

[Jackdaw33]

Ladies of Easy Virtue.

Haven't heard that term in many a long year. There is a simple one-word substitute but unfortunately the AB filter will not allow it.

[Mamyalynne]

Prostitute.

[Jackdaw33]

I was thinking of another word meaning the same thing. Starts with a W.

[tonyav]

***.

[tonyav]

Your right, Jackdaw.

[Jackdaw33]

LOL! I wonder if the lovely old-fashioned word 'harlot' will get pas the censor.

[tonyav]

I'll bet that TTT will know this one 'Brass Flute'.

[Jackdaw33]

My all-time favourite word is 'strumpet'.

[tonyav]

Ah yes, a favorite with the Elizabethans so I believe.

[jno]

there used to be a bowdlerised American Shakespeare that changed a line in Othello from "she played the strumpet in my bed" to "she played the trumpet in my bed." Poor Desdemona.

Sorry, getting off topic, I suppose.

[Smowball]

What an absolute mess. I really feel for you but do NOT use your money for this divorce x

[waterboatman]

I agree with smow.

[emmie]

i also agree with smow, in no sense should you be using your cash, tell your daughter that she must seek help from the Citizens advice bureau, its a start at least.

[Cloverjo]

I think it's good that your grandson is scared of you. He knows he can't act up when Granny J is around.
Very sad situation. I'd advise you not to throw your money at the divorce. My dad paid for my sister's and the fees quickly escalated with solicitor's time-wasting and petty charges for reading emails from her etc. Greedy burgers. (But not burgers; you know what I mean.)

[waterboatman]

You're right there jo, solicitors are so greedy, barristers more so!

[rowanwitch]

Although I had a complex divorce I got legal aid for some of the property work. I don't know if that is still a possibility. My solicitor also offered an instalment plan which meant I could pay it off in monthly chunks. Don't give up your savings, the less well off get divorced so there must be ways round the major costs issues.

As for your grandson he sounds in a terrible place. He may very likely have an underlying problem. He sounds very like a neighbours son who turned out to have a variant of autism. Used to beat his little brother and later his mum when he was challenged. Funnily enough his grandad was quite good at managing him too. He did need a lot of help finally going to a specialist centre during the week.

[tamborine]

DIY for £550 all in! Magistrates court within 3 months, forced property sale to divide assets (more to kids guardian). adulterer Bruv did this & got 40% of prop = enuf to buy flat, out of 4b detach. Kids uni teens. Ex wife had to pay own legal bills £4k+!

https://www.gov.uk/divorce/file-for-divorce

[LadyCG]

Jourdain, two things:

Don't pay for your daughter's divorce. She needs to find the money herself.

CBT might be the best first course of action for grandson. I'm sure GP or Social Services can organise this.

[tamborine]

As for the bully who kicks his lil sister, tell her to kick him 'where it hurts most' he will never bully again.

[murraymints]

such a complicated mess..but first I agree do not throw good money after bad on this matter...your daughter has been through much but this is her problem to deal with not yours...you can over practical help where possible, but the mechanics and financial costs are hers to deal with.. you too have been through a lot and you deserve your own happiness and security too...
She needs to speak to a child psychologist regarding the boy and his behaviour and agree some kind of treatment, clearly his spell in hospital was not helpful, but if he is endangering his sister as well as his mother he obviously needs some quite radical attention.. do NOT feel guilty OR responsible...you can give advice and steer her in the right direction, but DO NOT take this mantle on board, words are easy but you simply must heed the advice given here by many....