Finding Peace Of Mind

[naomi24]

This question is prompted by a discussion on another thread. It’s said that good physical health is the most important thing in life but in my opinion peace of mind is far more valuable. From the previous discussion, God doesn’t appear to be the answer so the question is, how do people accept that life does what it does and people are what they are without allowing the negativity that all of that can bring to dominate their thoughts, thereby destroying their peace of mind?

[Old_Geezer]

I find that a poor memory helps.

[Zacs-Master]

I heard Stephen Hawking's daughter talking the other day about how he thought of his condition as a blessing as it gave him time to do the thing he was best at; thinking.

So you could be right, N. Mental peace may be more important than physical well-being.

[hereIam]

As I get older, physical well being becomes very important.

I love that poem 'If'.

[KARL]

I often wish people a happy and healthy life in that order - if you are happy then that can override problems, including ones of health. However, I am aware that long term health problems can drain happiness away - the two are sometimes/often linked, sometimes apparently in a mirror-like way. Also, even those in perfect physical health can be deeply unhappy - a situation that is acutely unsatisfactory. My wish (above) is intended to cover both physical and mental health. Those of both good physical and mental health can become unhappy as a result of some misfortune beyond their control - also a distressing condition.

[kvalidir]

I think I have to agree with 'acceptance'. Knowing what can and can't be changed and not dwelling on those things which you can't. I was going through a rough patch recently and was very depressed, or at least thought I was until I realised actually, no I was very sad, and the two are entirely different things. Once I'd accepted that it was legitimate and okay to be sad and somewhat compartmentalised it, I have begun to feel more in control, and being in control means that I have the capacity to find good in things that were previously veiled in a mire of feeling awful and thus have more peace of mind generally, although I'm still sad about what I'm sad about, but that's okay, I'll use it as a tool and find a way to make some good come of it.

[Muntin]

'What can't be cured, love
must be endured, love'

The Dubliners

[kvalidir]

'O'Reilley from the County Kavan'- I didn't think anyone else would know that it's so obscure, Muntin x

[kvalidir]

Blimey Cavan :/

[bainbrig]

Buddhism helps, as does (Spoiler Alert) Marxism. Both help give you an understanding of the way the world operates, which in turn helps avoid confusion and promotes calmness.

Doesn’t stop you getting annoyed at stupidity, but at least your blood pressure doesn’t go up.

[Theland]

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

The alcoholics prayer. I agree with Naomi. Peace surpasses anything else.

[Muntin]

The lines [attributed above to The Dubliners] have been stuck in my mind for many a year, I looked on line for a source lest it be thought they were my own.
Another take on life might be 'Stuff happens, but if you are a Buddhist it's not stuff'. [Probably off a t shirt.]
My answer to the O P is that peace of mind can be obtained, not overnight, but I think some people get somewhere near.

[Eleena]

Hi Naomi,
Negative things happening needlessly can make you feel so down. I think Rowan and Kval have it. Accepting what you can and can't do in situations. Some people seem to have more hate than love in them, it's very damaging. Trying to work round the ripples of their actions can be hard.

[rowanwitch]

It's funny but if you try to find it you can't. It comes to you when you stop and say ok this is bigger than me, life is short I will do better things with my energy. I can't solve the problems of the world. I can knit blankets, I can donate food, I can make catnip mice for the shelter, I can be a friend, talk to strangers , little things don't make you a hero, but they chip away a little at the mountain of bad stuff. The dust of those clippings is soil for more good stuff to grow.

[Zacs-Master]

I like that, Rowan.

[naomi24]

I once knew someone who had the ability to put anything she felt was negative into a kind of mental Room 101. She was kind and generous to all, a great supporter of animal charities and she loved her many pets with a passion, but when each one died she’d shed a tear for a few minutes and then say ‘Oh well’, and move on – and that applied to anything she couldn’t change. She just accepted it. She didn’t spend time grieving or fretting or worrying. She’d always help anyone but, apart from attending hospital appointments and things like that, she never did anything she didn’t want to do. She never went to funerals – even her mother’s and her husband’s - because she didn’t like funerals. She never allowed sadness or anxiety to intrude into her life for very long. It all went into her personal Room 101 - the door firmly closed. I don't know how she did it but I'd like to. A truly enviable ability.

[emmie]

she sounds a remarkable woman Naomi.

[rowanwitch]

I really get that, hard to start living that way but once it's established a positive way to live.

[naomi24]

emmie, she was.

Rowan, I think we all try to do it ....and we like to think we can do it .... but with most of us the niggles still creep in and niggle.

[vetuste_ennemi]

I'm surprised that Naomi thinks that "peace of mind" is (a) possible and (b) desirable. (Although I do recognise that we may be arguing definitions.)

Way I see it is that schitt happens in the world. If you've lost a parent, or a partner, or (worse still) a child, are you supposed to feel good about that? Are the details of their deaths important to you? Possibly painful? Do you want a happy pill which dulls the pain? Do you want a targeted lobotomy which gets rid of the disquieting memory? You have a moral responsibility to yourself and others around you (most especially if you're a parent) to carry on acting rationally and competently and decently. That I accept. But a person who, say, has lost a child will never have "peace of mind" in the sense of being unaffected, unmoved and without pain. And if they did they would (in this particular example) be betraying the lost child and their own humanity.

[vetuste_ennemi]

There are rival strategies (neither of which I'm competent to comment on) to deal with the human condtion. One (I think) is pain avoidance, namely Buddhism - over to you, Khandro. And the (VE preferred) other is pain acceptance, namely Stoicism.. But I haven't even read the Meditations.