Just A Chat

[tinkerbell23]

I just fancied a chat.... no question as such!!

Someone tonight said “oh you are the one whos pregnant”

I replied that I was but am not now as it didnt work out. I almost cried, there were a few people around. I felt for the person too but it was really difficult.

It happens alot.... every other week someone random who dosent know my situation asks if I dont want any kids or how many kids I have!

I say none, but I personally think “one”!

Nobody means any harm, but god.... it hurts xx

[tinkerbell23]

Oh.....

For the background.... I delivered a baby at 13 weeks in December after an 11hr labour.

[Calicogirl]

Oh Tinks I'm so sorry :( Very few people knew about my pregnancy so I tend not to have that happen much, but it turns out I have a particularly vile sister in law who said something incredibly crass and unkind about my partner and our loss, and who I doubt I'll ever forgive, and yes it does hurt.
You must feel awful, but as you say people rarely mean anything bad. Always here if you want a chat x

[anneasquith]

Life is very harsh tinks. Your reply...... yes I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks. It’s very relevant to you now and in the future ,

[jno]

sounds as though they're just chatting too, "Have you any children?" is a regular question for women, usually just meant to break the ice; they aren't to know how hard it is for you.

[ummmm]

It's awful. I feel your pain 100%

I was 14 weeks when I lost our baby; we'd only just told people. I had to have an evacuation...Much easier than what you went through xx

[Theland]

So sorry for you. My own family is not devoid of heartbreaking problems.
It's good to talk.
Keep talking.
There is no immediate comfort to these situations, but somehow, not bottling it up helps.

[tinkerbell23]

Thank you both!!

Lately I have had every comment like “you will have another” and lots of opinions of whats good for me or I should & shouldnt be doing!

Very few understand my thoughts/feelings and I dont always share because its so hurtful when people may not agree.

I know some people think its “only” a miscarriage! I admit now looking back not being as sympathetic to people but ive just had such a *** time!

People expect quite alot
Of you in a short space of time IMO

How could your sis in law be so cruel! X

[tinkerbell23]

JNO yes absolutley!!! Its just something Ive always avoided asking because Ive had friends who were desperate for kids.

Or mabye not follow it up with “do you not want any?”

I get it alot at my age & length of marriage anyway!

Still hard enough ummm though eh :0(

Thanks Theland I didnt even know what to type! It is nice to share because family/friends can really “analyse” my every move! Again.... all so well meaning xxx

[goodgoalie]

Sorry to hear what you - and those replying - have gone through, tinkerbell. No matter how horrible or difficult life's problems are, there are always others who have been there too; and I'm often struck by the warmth of responses on AB to those having a difficult time.
Just knowing you're not alone makes a big difference, I think, and threads like this keep me tuning in to AB.

[Theland]

People are sometimes unwittingly thoughtless.
Not cruel as such, but it hurts all the same.
Some attempts at comforting words can have the opposite effect. Sad but true.
But keep talking.

[tinkerbell23]

Absolutley! AB has helped me through many a time I would rather forget!!!!!!

[jno]

mabye not follow it up with do you not want any?

that's the trouble, in the old days nobody would dream of asking a question like that because all women were supposed to want children. But because many these days have none by choice, they're being polite in asking it. It's tough.

[hazydaisy]

I am sure it does hurt
Three replies possible
1 None of your bloody business
2 Never been lucky enough to have children
3 Sorry but I prefer not to discuss this
All 3 are true

[tinkerbell23]

Nobody has went out of their way to hurt me... quite the opposite. Still hurts though.

Everything that could have went wrong has went wrong.

I was treated for infection a few weeks after delivery.... still bleeding to this day unfortunately!

Called for an ultrasound and internal ultrasound and i was in the same waiting room as all the happy pregnant couples it was so difficult. I cried!

I was admitted to the post natal ward for possible surgery due to clots but thankfully didnt need it!! Babys in the ward, antenatal classes :(

I understand I need the correct speciality its just difficult! I cant avoid it for ever i know that.

Laboured in the normal ward too.

Its just a crappy situation thats all.

Thanks for listening xx

[queenofmean]

Tinks you know we are all here for you, no matter what.

[tinkerbell23]

My friend answered once “ not through want of trying”

Happily she is due this week now her first baby!!!!

My best friend is also expecting she would have been two weeks behind when I was due.

Xx

[tinkerbell23]

Yes hazy last time a few weeks ago i said I did want kids but it hadnt happened for me yet!

I was just caught off guard tonight x

[Theland]

Bless you Tinks. Like I said. Keep talking.

[Mamyalynne]

People rarely intend to wound you, words just tumble out - my heart goes out to all you lovely ladies who have lost. ♥

[Arksided]

You come across as such a lovely Lady Tinks ... and everyone loves a Porker Xx ;-)