I Need To Toughen Up But How?

[GymLadTim]

I was involved in an incident last weekend that has shaken me to my core and made me realise I need to grow a thicker skin but how – I care about people but fall apart when dealing with any conflict or verbal aggression?

I was walking in my hometown of Hanley last Saturday on one of the busiest shopping streets. I was horrified to see a man openly emptying his colostomy bag into a public drain – (one of the ones at the edge of a road). I thought don’t judge him Tim it may be a medical emergency. I went over to the man and asked if I could offer any support (very calmly and politely). I won’t repeat his reply but it was not pleasant. I explained (still calm and polite) and possibly illegal. The gentleman was very abusive calling me names that I won’t repeat. He then began to follow me shouting abuse and I ran away.

I went to my mom’s and explained what had happened. I then just burst into tears in my moms arms and I have been emotional about it since. A few weeks ago I was involved in a very similar incident in KFC. I heard a mom telling her son that he was her second favourite behind his brother. I said something and the whole thing escalated. My mom says I should that if there was not a good reason why he was doing this it was inappropriate, unacceptable mind my own business and my friend Kelly says I need to toughen up.

I’m 21 years old and soft like marshmallow inside but have a good heart. Has anyone else had to toughen up and how did you do it?

[GymLadTim]

Look I am sorry if my question or actions have offended people. I wrote this question to ask for advice. Don't think I will be seeking advice again. Goodnight.

[ummmm]

I don't think anyone has been offended.

[Tilly2]

You're from Stoke and you said, 'Excuse me sir...'

No wonder he was hostile.

What happened to... ' You ok, mate? Can I 'elp yer'?

[JimF]

You haven't offended anyone here! You don't need to apologise to anyone here! It was no-one here whose dignity you trod all over with your ignorant interfering.

[anneasquith]

Maybe lost a new member ?

[Mamyalynne]

Not sure I understand you Anne, who may they have lost?

[sherrardk]

I think she means the OP.

[Theland]

I am not,offended. I think you are a "Good Samariton."

[Barmaid]

I dont think you need to toughen up. I think you need to develop some empathy with others and start realising it's not all about you. That might sound harsh but you are really only considering yourself in this.

Having said that, you should never ever accept criticism for having a really good heart. But perhaps an understanding of others might lead to spreading kindness where it is more needed?

[douglas9401]

Have you considered missionary work?

[JimF]

A good what, TheLand?

[woofgang]

well you asked for advice and you got some.

[ummmm]

You know what he meant, Jim!!

[Ken4155]

If i was the guy emptying the bag, i'd have emptied it over your head. He was emptying it in the gutter, not on the pavement. I don't know about toughening up but you most certainly need to wise up.

[Smowball]

I’ve read this several times now. If I had an ileostomy bag that desperately needed to be emptied before it exploded(or whatever happens) and I had desperately found a drain to try and empty it, then some young lad saunters up and says excuse me can I help you ? Well I’d have been absolutely mortified. And to then tell me that it was illegal! How on earth were you planning to help anyway?? Then followed by telling mothers how to talk to their children??
As ummmm says I cannot imagine a 21 yr old breaking down in their mums arms whatsoever either.....

[Pixiegirl]

When you are a good human being there are times when you do things that other people dont like but that doesnt mean you would stop being nice . See , people never like others interfering in there buisness and you should at some point try to avoid it but if you think it is worth your interference then i would say that you should have a stand cause people dont like getting critised usually but that is just because they are not ready to accept the truth so try to be yourself because we usually dont get such types of people in our life who are having only a single face and rather than feeling bad about it just enjoy yourself and feel happy about being true in every situation .

[Old_Geezer]

If you aren't a tough guy by 21, and if the replies here didn't toughen you up, I'd suggest it's not your nature. Accept who you are and be ok with it.

[ABSpareEditor]

May I remind members that they should treat others as you would like to be treated and respect other people’s opinions. Discussions can get passionate but users should moderate their language and refrain from personal attacks and profanity. We encourage lively debate but name calling, harassment or abuse will not be tolerated.

This is not ChatterBank, this is Body & Soul and as members know the Site Rules are less lenient here.

[Purist]

Not sure why this guy is getting roasted for asking advice, offering help, embarrassed or not a simple no thank you would have been sufficient, not sure how he has offended people here by posting this thread. sign of the times I suppose.

[ummmm]

He hasn't offended anyone except the people involved.