Maintaining composure

[Supernick]

For as long as I can remember I have had a problem with maintaining my composure when I'm personally put under the spotlight. By this I mean things like appraisals, interviews and to an extent public speaking. Uusally if I'm asked to present in front of people I'm okay even though I get particularly nervous about hosting these things. That's because I'm not having to defend myself personally, or feel like I'm under scrutiny. However, whenver I'm called into a meeting that debates my performance at work etc then I seem to completely lose control. I start to tremble, and get teary which is something I've desperately tried to control. This happens even when it's not a bad meeting, but it means that I can't move on at work because I look unbelievably wet and stupid in front of my managers all the time. I had this problem all the way through school and university, yet in other areas of social interaction I'm a generally confident, outgoing person. I just need some tips or help on how to control myself more, because I desperately want to change this. To an extent it is ruining my professional life, because I look dreadful at interview, and in my current job can't display a confidence necessary to proceed. Help!

[rampart]

Perhaps make an appointment with your boss and tell him or her that you have this problem but want to work on it, as career advancement is what you wish.

Maybe it would help if prior to such a meeting you could rehearse it with your boss in private. Go over the details and see where you might start having trouble.

A second thing you can do is rehearse presentations alone in front of the mirror or if possible, with a cam corder. Rehearse again and again, and try to come up with every situation you might encounter. Do it so many times that you are so well rehearsed that you could do it in your sleep. As you do it, imagine yourself in the real situation not tearing up, but being proper and strong.

If I were your boss and you came to me with this, I would want to help you through it rather than just let you muddle in it. I imagine your boss will help you.

Since you are aware of the problem and want it to change, I believe you will be able to conquer it.

[rampart]

A second thought, as I read again... think of these meetings as places where you can learn and grow. If your work is challenged, listen to what they say and make a comment like, that sounds like a great idea! I will try that next time! Thank you.

Nobody likes their performance challenged, but when it is, the best response is composure and acceptance of it if the challenge is valid. If it is not valid, you should of course be able to defend yourself.

Good coworkers and managers want good team work, and that will come from sharing ideas, including comments on performance.

Best of luck to you, supernick!

[Supernick]

Thanks Rampart. You're right in that preparation is the key in most cases. I was the best man at a friends wedding and although the thought terrified me, I didn't want to pull out. I must have rehearsed that speech 20 times in front of the mirror, and was absolutely fine when it came to doing it.

In many ways I think this problem is a residue from my childhood when I was a very shy kid who didn't like talking to people I didn't know. Whilst that has all fallen away now, this seems to be one last stain that refuses to budge. My bosses will be well aware that this is a problem of mine, but I don't think that many people know how to deal with a 25 year old man who's voice is cracking with nerves. I'm so unhappy about the whole thing I've though about hypnotherapy. Perhaps rescue remedies would help?

[rampart]

Gosh, I can't think of any rescue remedies, Nick. But I am glad to hear about the speech at the wedding. Part of feeling secure comes from knowing your subject, as evident in your best man speech.

Here is another thought. Join a club for giving speeches. Look here:

http://www.toastmasters.org/find/searchresults.asp?Country=United+Kingdom&State=England&City=&imageField.x=76&imageField.y=9

Good luck, mate.

[lady_p_gold]

Someone I know had a big problem with doing presentations and although it might not work for everyone he was greatly helped by hypnotherapy. So it might be worth a try, or might help you to get to the bottom of where this all started.

[El D]

Think of someone you admire who gives great speeches - pretend you are that person for the duration of the meeting. Don't adopt the voice, just the speaking patterns. You will be amazed at how effective this can be.

If you cannot make the above work, I always find something about the meeting that amuses me tremendously. Puts me in a good mood and makes the whole thing seem insignificant.