Cant Get Thoughts Out Of My Head

[fruitsalad]

Thankfully this sort of thing hasn't happened to me often, I visited an elderly ladies home the other evening, as I have done some cleaning and odd jobs for her, I let myself in and called out to her, and see she was having a seizure in the chair, and her eyes rolled back, couldn't speak, or I presume hear me, I called 999 they took her off to hospital, but she died a day later, It keeps going round in my head and I keep seeing her in this distressed state in my mind. Will this start to fade in time.

[Mamyalynne]

The flashbacks should fade eventually, if you find yourself struggling seek some counselling.

It's very upsetting for you I know.

[pixie374]

Sounds awful. Well done for doing everything you could, and yes, it will fade in time x

[ducksie]

You should be able to speak with someone about how you are feeling and deal with it, it is very upsetting and I know in time it will pass, in the meantime, you should take comfort in the fact that you had called into her and she hadn't died alone in her own home and lay there for how ever long. I hope you get to remember her from better times with the help of chatting with people that knew her too

[fruitsalad]

I am relived to know it will fade eventually, thank you for reassuance, I could never work in any medical field, I'm sure I would carry the weight, of all the illness and deaths, on my shoulders, but I so admire Men and Woman who do.

[Peter Pedant]

yes
they will fade
ty to talk if you want to to someone you have confidence in
difficult to find one

[ducksie]

even the medics and first responders need debriefing Fruitsalad, I think you did excellent for just popping in, you were a good person and as scary as it was, that elderly lady was afforded to die with dignity

[zebo]

Last March I found my husband dead lying on his bed, he snored like a jumbo jet and we had seperate rooms, from the lights etc I later decided he had died probably 8 hours earlier when he'd gone to bed. I went to see him in the Chapel of Rest, I had sent some of his favourite garden clothes up, and I found it very comforting to see him looking 'normal' rather than the awful way I found him. When our daughter went to see him she commented that all it needed was a snoring soundtrack. If you can do this, maybe contact the relatives making arrangements, you may have a less upsetting final image.

[tiggerblue10]

Definitely seek some sort of counselling. Your GP may be able to refer you.

[Patsy33]

It must have been a big shock to you. It's still feels very raw to you, so unfortunately, it will play over in your mind for a while. You done what you could, and your friend wasn't left to die alone. Try to remember the happier times when she was well. It will fade in time. x

[ummmm]

Counselling is not easy to get. There is usually a long waiting list.

If I were you I'd speak to a close friend. Someone you feel comfortable showing emotion to.

[fruitsalad]

So sorry to hear that zebo, that must of been an awful shock for you.

[scorpiojo]

https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/

[fruitsalad]

Thank you for the link Scorpiojo I will see how I feel after a couple of weeks have gone by, if there is no improvement I will contact them.

[237SJ]

It will fade if you give it time and you don't try to keep processing it in your mind. If you keep thinking about it, the memory won't go away. Have you anyone you can talk to about it? I performed CPR on my neighbour back in the Spring ( he didn't survive) and I found that talking to my colleagues helped.

[fender62]

sharing your thoughts and feelings with friends will help a lot
it's like a shock and coming to terms with something thats difficult
as others have said it will fade, you did your best for her, so give yourself a pat on the shoulder as she would be grateful, and im sure
would not want you to fret so much.

[alavahalf]

You have my sympathy as I have been there myself..
A few years ago we were having a downpour where the rain was bouncing knee high off the ground. It was so heavy I didn't want to run the 5 yards to my van. Soon the storm passed and blue skies appeared. I got in my van and drove around the corner and seen something quite strange, a dog was sat on the pavment in a deep puddle, motionless. It looked so odd considering the weather we had just had moments ago. It made me stop and get out to check what was wrong .. as I walked between the parked cars I found the cause, the dogs owner was lying on the pavement unconscious. I will never forget the sight the dog and its owner both had steam rising from them in the sunlight. The dog went for me as I attempted to assist the owner. I called for an ambulance and tried to calm the dog. After a couple of minutes the dog let me approach the owner, I checked his pulse and and couldn't find it. Never having attempted this before the ambulance controller talked me through pressing his chest and doing mouth to mouth. All the time I was doing it, I could hear sirens in the distance and wishing they would hurry up as I didn't seem to be getting anywhere. All of a sudden the man made a really long groan. I thought 'I've done it'.. I had brought him back to life. Sadly that sound has stayed with ever since.. I have since found out that that was the sound of him breathing his last.
The Police arrived before the ambulance, without asking what had gone on, one of them asked me to "clear the area and move on, as there was nothing to see" ..
Possibly the biggest put down I have ever experienced in my life.
For some time after the event I kept thinking, "if only I could have done more" .. as it kept bothering me I told my manager about my thoughts. She immedietely booked me on a First Aid training course and followed it up with annual refreshers.
.. dont think about that event much these days, not unless we have a torrential downpour !

[roopower]

If you don't have anyone you can talk this through with, try the Samaritans. Someone will listen while you work it through. As someone has said, take comfort in the fact that the lady was not on her own when she died and wasn't sitting in her chair for days until someone found her. You did what you could.

[lady-janine]

Fruitsalad - This is such a sad post. I do hope you found some comfort from the replies you have received.

[Barsel]

roopower's suggestion to phone the Samaritans sounds good. Have never had any dealings with them myself, but they are there at the end of the telephone line if you need them. You may never forget this, but I hope it will fade in time as I'm sure it will.

[Theland]

And of course Answerbank. I find it a great help.