how do i go on?

[snow_ho]

A very short while back a very close friend of mine was killed in a car accident - he was 22 years old. i cant get it out of my head, everywhere i go, every little thing someone says i relate it back to whats happened. its given me such a different perspective of life. i cant see why i should be doing anything i dont really want to even though i HAVE to, i should be doing something that i enjoy instead. nothing seems to have purpose anyomore. I cant bear to do anything that holds any sort of responsibility, including my job. I know this is not how i should be thinking but i cant shake the feeling. Will this eventually pass? How do i 'get back to normal'? How can i stop thinking such negative thoughts about everything and everyone around me?

[Jennykins]

I have gone through the same thing.. I lost a very close friends for years, he also died in a bad car accident. I was a mess also.. I couldnt go to my dance classes I couldnt take care of my frist son.. I couldnt cook dinner.. I just wanted to cry and be alone... The first month was the worst.. and for about 3-4 months things were hard.. but after a while of really morning his death I began to deal with it.. I talked about him a lot and I still do.. I remember the fun times and little things I liked about him.. Its so harsh what your going through snow.. but you will survive.. You have to... I also believe time doesnt heal but instead time teaches you how to deal .... Of course your frusterated and un-happy with what has happend.. and life seems to be a blur right now.. almost as if your in a dream all day.. a haze... But I promise you that it will get better ... You have to hang in there and be strong.. and remember people care about you and people around you are going to try to make you feel better... Well I hope I could help you a little... I think I was drunk for at least 2 months straight after my friend died.. lol.. It helped I guess...

Well , I am wishing you to feel better sooner then later.. Remember what's done is done... You have to be strong and move forward... Take care snow...

-JEN-

[raysparx]

Hello snow,

Sorry to hear what you are experiencing,you are going to wonder what is the point after something like this, it probably will change your outlook on life,maybe permanently, but life will go on,the pain will gradually get a bit easier it won't go overnight,you have got to go through this grieving process,but one positive thing allready is you are talking about how you feel,don't just talk on here though speak to your parents and other friends,tell them exactly how you feel,your parents will understand exactly what you are going through they will have lost someone close,so please talk,talk,talk, and gradually you will see the point in going forward,just remember the good things you had with your friend and make the most of your life hope things start to get a bit easier for you, take care, Ray

[WendyS]

Hello snow. Bereavement is such a difficult process. One goes through various stages, denial, anger, grief and then finally...... acceptance. It takes a long time to pass through each stage. You can't hurry the process. Each of us is different and will take a different length of time to go through the various stages. The only thing you can do is be grateful for the necessary functions in life you have to go through like getting up in the morning, going to work, etc. There may seem no purpose to them at the moment but they will provide a basic structure to your physical life which will help you through your emotional "numbness". Everybody who has lost a loved one will understand where you are now. But on an encouraging note, they will also tell you that time does heal. Slowly maybe. But one morning you will get out of bed, the sun will be shining and you will suddenly realise that a large chunk of your sadness has retreated to a lower level of your consciousness where it no longer causes you so much pain. Be patient with yourself. What you are experiencing will pass in time.

[andy-hughes]

Little to add to the thoughtful and sincere posts except to say -

Grief is not a train on a track, it doesn't move you forward on a daily journey, never going back.

Grief is a boat on the ocean. Some days you chug along nicely, the sun shines, the wind blows you along. other days you sit becalmed, no movement, nothing. Other days you are blown backwards, past where you started from. And the worst days are the storms, you have no sail, no engine, no rudder, you are tossed around helpless, until the sea decides to let you go again.

If you think of grief like this, it will help, because this is how the process works. So althpugh friends and casual aquaintences will expect you to be 'over' this loss in a few weeks, it will take a lot longer than that.

Don't fight it. Enjoy your good days, endure your indifferent days, accept your bad days, and you will get past this. Thinking of you.

A x

[Catso]

Don't worry yourself into an even worse state. It's a natural thing you're going through. Losing a close friend or family member unexpectedly is a serious psychological blow.
Don't force anything, it will pass. When you're ready to move on, you just will, without realising it.

[raysparx]

Nice put as usual andy.

[Jennykins]

wow andy, thank you so much for typing that.. It made me feel good to read that... I hope it does the same to snow

[silverdale5]

there seems to be a lot of wisdom in these answers but andy, as always, writes words from the heart. i was very moved and inspred by them, and i too hope they bring comfort to you snow_ho. xx

[snow_ho]

Thank you all for your kind and reassuring words. Days are beginning to get easier, I suppose the night I posted my original message was just a bad day. Andy - thank you, your words have brought me a comfort knowing that I'm not going mad but sometimes just have worse days than others.

Once again, thank you all. x x

[silverdale5]

How are you today snow_ho ?

i have just re-read Andy's contribution, and you know what - those words are very powerful and poignant. I'm sure most of us have had times in our lives when we could draw on those thoughts.

perhaps we could persuade him to write a book !

just keep remembering that you are not alone and time will lessen the pain.

take care

x