Lost Voice

[jennyjoan]

do you ever think that because you are own at the end of life - you don't have a voice anymore.

If you are put in care home - you've no voice.

If you can't speak - you've no voice

If you are in pain and you can't speak - you've no voice

If you try to complain in any situation - care home or any kind of home - you've no voice.

You may as well as be on your merry way - WITHOUT YOUR VOICE

[Mamyalynne]

Well, I hope the outcome means she is not in as much pain and you take care of yourself too Tony.

[TonyV]

She's in the best place now Lynne IMO, she's more worried about how I am coping lol.

[Mamyalynne]

That's what you do when you love someone x

[TonyV]

Yes I know Lynne, house feels so empty at the moment, even though Jen was mostly in bed for the past few days. It was funny when Jen was being taken to hospital and I said take good care of her Dave. How did you know my name, "its on your badge" lol

[Mamyalynne]

I bet he appreciated that Tony.

Night x

[Ringlet]

JennyJoan, I think I know what you are saying. People assume that anyone who fits the label "elderly" should not have an opinion about their own care, or where they go or even what they eat, what they wear, when they have a bath, what time they go to bed. Especially in care homes. The right to make those decisions is taken away. The voice of the individual person is lost. I dread that time coming. I think a lot of older people fight against that kind of assumption but often they cannot express themselves and are looked upon as stubborn or unco-operative. It is a very sad thing to watch someone you know be treated this way.

[Jackdaw33]

Ringlet, you are so right. As I become increasingly less mobile it is my abiding dread. I still have all my marbles but would rather make a quick exit than lose control over my own destiny.

[barry1010]

JJ, can you write to your friend? Send a card, some chocolates, perhaps, or hand cream?

[roopower]

Sorry, jj, but from what I've seen of Captain Tom on tv, I think he still has his opinions and would voice them. My mother was 93 when she died and in a care home, she made her presence felt until she got advanced dementia.

[KARL]

Maybe I understand what you are pointing to.

A close neighbour of ours' parents went together into a care home. He, his wife and his children were soon barred from visiting. He asked us to go and see his parents as a test, we were not allowed in. His sister in law and her family were barred. Eventually he took the home and his siblings to court - the siblings were quoted as the inspiration for the bans. There was an out of court settlement/agreement but little or nothing seemed to change. Soon thereafter his father fell ill and was transferred to a hospital where son could visit father who soon died. The mother was moved to another home where visits were re-established. All this started as our neighbour challenged the first home's doctor's decision to prescribe "calming" drugs (can't remember their names) for both parents.

As an aside, while we were waiting to be told whether we could go in on our attempted visit another unrelated resident/inmate approached us and said she hated staying there, wished she was dead. The home in question is regarded as one of the best locally. I wrote to the relevant authorities with my story and was basically told it would be looked into (don't call us....). He spoke to his locally elected member and got a sympathetic ear in a conversation but it appeared to go no further.

Through all of this I vowed never to take up residence in a UK care home and I know my wife feels something resembling that. Our neighbour and his family moved from the UK permanently once his mother died. I now await my Anti-British badge to add to my substantial collection for telling this story - I know I should be standing on a doorstep clapping instead.

[KARL]

I am acutely aware of how often older/elderly people seem to be expected to find a chair in a distant corner, stay quiet and out of sight, and wait to DIE. Another significantly younger than I neighbour refers to it ageism - she already is aware and feels it.

[woofgang]

When I was working in the NHS (community rehab) I went into LOADS of local care homes and yes they vary. There were some nasty ones out there (not always the cheapest) and some very good ones (not always the most expensive) and yes covid has added complications. All care homes are not bad and even the good ones won't suit everybody.

[jennyjoan]

ummmm ////
///But she also claims to be able to lip read....and still manages to use a phone. ///

Stop disbelieving me and using the word "claim". Please just leave me alone.

[pixie374]

What woof says.... they are fantastic for some, and not for everybody. I have already told my children to move me to a care home if it seems a good idea. Having worked in them for long enough, I would love to be in one.