Resentful, Guilt, & Other Negative Emotions

[nailit]

Ive spent the last couple of weeks experiencing the above.

Why?

I am only one of BILLIONS of people (or lifeforms) that have popped by to say hello to planet Earth.
A brief spark, in the great scheme of things.

Others experience much worse.
Others experience much better.

Am I any different from a zebra that gets munched on by a lion?
Why are my emotions any different from an effing alligator?
Because half the time I dont feel any.
Apart from the fact that I can use a keyboard?

[woofgang]

Nailit "My emotions arnt what I expected.
I feel anger and resentment.
Not love and compassion."

You may not have expected it but its absolutely what I experienced too.

[pixie374]

That sounds fair, nailit. I completely understand why you would prefer to stop suffering and have no idea why we treat humans so badly at the end of their lives. Anything you feel or think... I don't think anyone would judge you x

[rowanwitch]

Intelligence comes with a high price few species show evidence of a sense of self, and none apparently as defined as ours, it's why we feel, doubt, and struggle, but also why we love, and connect. We don't know what the zebra feels when it is in danger, fear, the need to flee but even that is unlikely to be in the way we do.

[nailit]

Found out today that Mum also now has COVID.
Test was done yesterday by Dougie Mac nurse with a view to finding her a bed in their hospice for end of life care within a few days.
So thats not going to happen soon....
Now all the family are been told to stay away!
Like hell!

(She has got no symptons whatsoever,
No temperature, cough, wheeze, loss of taste or smell, shortness of breath) just bone cancer pain.

[choux]

I am sorry to read that, nailit. You are all in my thoughts.

[Mamyalynne]

Life kicks you the hardest when you are down, I wish I could send you the strength you need to cope - but cope you will.

[rowanwitch]

If it hadn't been for Harold Shipman it's likely the doctors would have felt able to increase her pain meds far more, the old days of doubling doses and accepting the risk of death coming a little sooner have long gone.
You must decide for yourself if you want to take the risk of being with her and isolating afterwards, I know what I would do.

[Lie-in King]

Sorry to see your latest news, Nailit - I can only continue to send my best wishes to you all.

[nailit]

//You must decide for yourself if you want to take the risk of being with her and isolating afterwards, I know what I would do//

No contest.
She isnt going to suffer alone.

Cant understand people that would do otherwise.
If some would wish to lock themselves in a cupboard because they are terrified of a virus that shows no symptoms in an 86yr old dying woman, then let them get on with it,
Personally, Ill continue to care.

[pixie374]

So sorry, nailit... just what you all need! I hope she is as comfortable as possible. Has she had a vaccine yet, to hopefully minimise symptoms?
Rowan, that really doesn't seem to be the case. Morphine is still used that way.
Best wishes, nailit xx

[nailit]

//Has she had a vaccine yet, to hopefully minimise symptoms?//

What symptons Pix?
Shes got none?

[nailit]

And she's dying anyway.
Why vaccine her?

[pixie374]

Good, we cross-posted. Sorry x

[nailit]

My mum's actually recieved letters (numerous), Phone calls (numerous) and post (again, numerous) to get jabbed.

Meanwhile, her very real needs for pain relief from her terminal cancer seem to go unheard.

She now appears to have Covid (with no symptons whatsoever) and
her care plan (joke) seems to have gone tits up.

No wonder conspiricy theories abound.

[pixie374]

Does she have a syringe driver? Bone cancer is painful.

[Tilly2]

Is she still at your sister's house?

[nailit]

//Does she have a syringe driver? Bone cancer is painful.//
Yes.

//Is she still at your sister's house?//
No
Back at home with a hospital bed.

[woofgang]

who loads and manages the syringe driver?

[nailit]

The disttrict nurses woof