Husband. Erratic Moods, Anger, Frustration.

[Patsy33]

Although my OH has never been diagnosed, he certainly displays traits of bipolar. His Mother was the same. Diagnosed with Hypomania.
He's just been thumping computer and monitor in frustration because he couldn't do something that should have been straight forward. He's like an angry , frustrated child at times. Last couple of weeks, he's been on a high. Excited, keep laughing about things. He has so much energy when he's like that. I wasn't going to say anything but it's getting me down. I suppose I should ring doctor but doubt they will do anything much. They will probably say he needs to go and seem them. I know he won't do that..Just needed to get this off my chest.

[eleanor2]

Patsy has described ‘manic episodes’

[Sqad]

Smowball...No..I was young, naive, arrogant and believed in humanity-;).
My philosophy changed over the years as did my experience of life lol

[Barmaid]

The trouble with medical intervention is that they cannot really help someone who does not want to be helped or does not see the need to be helped.

You must put YOU first. Given that this is having a real impact on you, I would suggest you talk to your GP about coping strategies first.

My next suggestion is that you persuade him to engage in couple's counselling. If he wont engage in that, then I think you then ought to consider individual counselling because this type of behaviour long term WILL have an impact on you. It will be that individual counselling which will help you find the tools to either maintain and cope with the current situation or change it.

[anneasquith]

Women’s Aid usually offer a good counselling service .

[eleanor2]

I’m not sure you can reason with this type of disorder. Patsy has had long enough time with her husband to see similarities with his mother’s condition. Whatever it is, his hyper swings sound like a mental condition only a specialist can deal with. I hope you make that step Patsy x

[Eve]

I was going to suggest the same as hellywelly, speak to your GP surgery and see if they can arrange for him to be seen by a GP (maybe a general health check up which could account for a longer appointment, review any medication etc...) who can hopefully try and engineer the conversation to see if he is receptive.

I imagine it's maybe an easier question to ask at the moment, about mental health and how people are coping generally, given the pandemic as so many people have been.

Do you think he'd consider going to any kind of therapy together, if he wants to continue the marriage, as you have been affected so much. Or do you think that could make things worse, going together and talking about the issues? Could something like Relate be an option if he won't consider speaking to a GP?

https://www.relate.org.uk/

Even if he doesn't, some kind of therapy may well benefit you, give you a safe space and an outlet to be able to talk about things. Maybe, if he sees it's helping you it might make him consider it. There is often a wait for NHS therapy but could you afford to pay privately? GPs often have details of recommended private counsellors.

Also, if he's mentally abusive, there are charities you could speak to, there doesn't have to be physical violence.

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

[pixie374]

It's a very difficult situation, I have seen it many times before- and if someone doesn't want or won't accept help, you need to look after yourself. Try to persuade him, but if you really can't get anywhere, you either need to work out how to live with it, or whether you can or not xx

[elliemay1]

Patsy, have you any children or a close relative that you can talk to?

[wolf63]

Patsy

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 1996, I had been ill for around 15 years by that time. I managed to remain in full-time work until 2003/2004.

I understand the illness from the point of view of a sufferer but I am very aware of how difficult it would be to live with someone like me.

You need to consider your own health, your husband may not have proper insight into his illness and how it affects you.

♥

[pixie374]

Woof, having worked with couples where one has it- i would say it is quite possibly the most debilitating disorder, for someone else to live with.

[pixie374]

Wolf... sorry x

[Patsy33]

Thanks all.
No he doesn't drink accept for the odd beer/ shandy. Doesn't do drugs.
I'm looking after my 3 year grandson at the moment. I'll get back to you all later x

[Patsy33]

I spoke to OH about his behaviour last night. He said anybody would have acted the same! He just brushed it off as if I was making a fuss. My eldest son even said, he's in his own/ different zone when he gets like that.
I've got an appointment to see our Dr. about him, on the 11th August... I didn't want a phone consultation as he could be around listening.
I did tell him he needs to see Dr, and ought to be taking medication to help him. He just dismisses it and says he's he doesn't need them and won't go.
I also told him it's getting me down and can't put up with it much longer. He just carries on as though nothing has happened. It's like coming out the other side of a bad storm. He's fine and calm after, while I'm still reeling..
At least I've made a start.

[Chinajan]

Another step forward Patsy. Good on you.

[Smowball]

Well done for even tackling him about his behaviour Patsy - that couldn’t have been easy. X

[rowanwitch]

Patsy, your best chance of getting him to accept helps the brief spell between high when he feels he is just fricking amazing and low when he may well have a degree of paranoia. You need to have at least businessperson to confirm with him how misbehaviour presents itself but youngster prepared for him to tell you to go if you don't like his be a iour. It is just possible considering his whether there could be an early onset dementia making him worse , mum's first presentation wasn't memory loss it was depression, paranoia and aggression

[rowanwitch]

Businessperson, one other person

[rowanwitch]

I am getting sick of auto correct, youngster is wrong too. You should be...

[Patsy33]

Thanks all.
Rowan, he does get paranoid. He is also losing things a lot lately..

[Patsy33]

Well, after a couple of months, I finally got around to speaking to my Doctor, re husband.
I actually went for myself but asked if she could spare a few minutes. She was really sympathetic and helpful. She explained it was up to husband, whether he came in but she couldn't make him. I already knew that. One idea is to get him in on a physical condition/problem, as more preferable to a mental one. She said some thyroid conditions can mimic bipolar. I have to put my thinking hat on.
By the way, I did ask him weeks ago, to see Doctor. He refused and said he didn't need to and there was nothing wrong with him.