Bereavement Councelling

[Thisoldbird]

Bereavement councelling has anyone here used this type of councelling?

I've never been a fan of councelling, couldn't see the point etc...
I lost my son and only child last November at the same time I became full time carer to my elderly husband..

I am finding myself very distressed anytime of day and night. My head is fit to burst from it.

I have no one to talk to about my feelings I feel guilty even using his name in front of family..me, the ever strong woman who was always there for everyone else..

I wondered about councelling but know I'll end up a wet rag..

[jno]

you poor thing, you must feel terribly battered and alone. I haven't had any experience with it but this page may help you

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/feelings-and-symptoms/grief-bereavement-loss/

[Mamyalynne]

You absolutely must reach out and talk to someone, bottling up grief is so painful.

[bobbie22]

I know how you feel. I lost my son about three years ago I went for counselling for a few weeks. It helped a bit.

[anneasquith]

Oh, I’m so sorry to hear how distressed you are( with good reason) . There comes a time when even the strongest among us needs some help. In the short term please think of contacting the Samaritans, day or night. Contact social services re assistance in being a career for your OH. You will always find someone on A B for a chat. Take care .

[Buenchico]

The efficacy, or otherwise, of counselling (for all types of things) has been discussed many times before on AB. It seems to be a 'Marmite' thing, with some AB members saying that they found it to be a total waste of time but with others reporting that it helped them greatly.

I suggest trying a phone call to the Cruse Helpline. (Their lines are open from 9.30am to 8pm tomorrow. See the link for times on other days: 0808 808 1677). You'll then be able to have an initial chat with someone who understands how you're feeling and who might be able to suggest the best way forward for you.
https://www.cruse.org.uk/

An alternative (or additional) helpline you might like to call is that of The Compassionate Friends, which is a charity dedicated specifically to supporting bereaved parents. Their phone lines are open from 1000 to 1600, and from 1900 to 2200, every day of the year.
https://www.tcf.org.uk/

See also 'Things you can try to help with bereavement, grief and loss' on the NHS website:
https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/feelings-and-symptoms/grief-bereavement-loss/

[Thisoldbird]

Thanks all. We do have carers in each morning for 30 mins 2 morning 1 stays extra to change the beds and another vacuums through once a week. It's all those other hours when I'm already shattered that are the problem

I thought about a couple of weeks respite but at best part if £1000 a,week its not an option.. xx

[calmck]

Someone I know used Cruse and found them very helpful.
Some schools and Scout Guide groups might be able to help with giving you some time off in the afternoons as part of their social programmes. Also your local council or WI might be able to help

[AuntPG]

You can apply to your Council for funded respite care. You have to be assessed, info here
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/support-and-benefits-for-carers/carer-breaks-and-respite-care/

[jennyjoan]

Thisoldbird - have read all of the posts and some of the very helpful links. I also know that when you are so tired yourself you probably don't know where to start to look for help even via the links.

I don't know if you have a Social Worker which you should have - to me that would be my first port of call. Perhaps your carers can organise that for you alone. She can then work with different authorities to arrange help for you.

My heart goes out to you as my sister lost her only child/son years ago and I know she has never gotten over it but the bad thing (I think) she done she never sought help. I have been the main source for her - like I done all the paperwork as he died in Thailand so it took 15 days to get him home which meant he was "waked" for all that time, then she fell to pieces and I then had to bury him as well. At Mass people were coming to me (the aunt) (these were my sister's friends) saying how sorry to hear about my nephew - me I was coming through my own nightmare. Don't be like my sister - seek help and do talk (important) about it. It does get things off your chest and you don't need to be guilty about it.

Lastly I hope you are receiving all the benefits that are available out there and they would help in "paying" for a bit of respite.

Good luck Thisoldbird.

[pixie374]

A "wet rag" could well be appropriate and cathartic for you, at this point. I'm so sorry, for everything you are having to deal with. Please try it, at least, as you need some kind of outlet. Take care xx

[rowanwitch]

Done well it helps a lot, your GP practice should have details of groups in your area as well as one to one services. Why not give it a try, you won't know until you do.

[pastafreak]

I agree that it will do you good to cry, vent, rant, sob, talk...just get it OUT. It's what you need to do as holding it in is no help to you.
I used CRUSE many years ago when I lost first my sister and then my mum within months of each other. I became a zombie and felt I had no outlet...husband didn't know how to help, and family was across the ocean. It did help. Mind you, as an American I come from a culture that is very pro talking therapy. So I was already receptive to the idea of using it.
Sometimes it is just important/ helpful to release your feelings in a non-judgemental situation.

[Thisoldbird]

Thank you all for your helpful answers.

Unbeknown to me a relative has approached my surgery today asking for help for me, hoping I can have a face to face appointment. Talking on the telephone isn't easy as my tinnitus is so loud I can't hear well.

I was cross at first but know it was from her heart, she wants to help.

Thank you all again. I will look at the links and digest what help is available.

X

[Mamyalynne]

So pleased to hear that someone cares enough to have put the feelers out for you, take all the help you can please. ((X))