Do Not Resusitate Order

[Beaupeep]

Can someone please give me some guidance of what to tell one's partner when a consultant tells you that she recommends you, the patient, sign a DNR order.
The prognosis is not good as chemotherapy, radiotherapy and surgery are out of the question. Treatment is confined to pain relief only.
How on earth do you begin to approach this?
Thank you.

[calmck]

Sorry to read this. As an ex nurse I would ask for a face to face with the doctor, patient, partner and a nurse to discuss all options and what is the best in the circumstance.

[trainboy]

My dear late wife had one. We were asked about resuscitation when she was admitted very ill. She said that she wanted to let things happen. I couldn't disagree and go against her wishes even though it broke my heart.

[Pooka1950]

My dear late husband was in the same situation. I was upset when we discussed it but, in the end, I had to accept that it was *his* decision and I respected it. His consultant had explained just what happens in those circumstances if the medical team do attempt to resuscitate and she assured him it was nothing like you might see in TV and if successful can still be quite damaging. I have cancer myself now and maybe one day I'll be in that situation too.

[choux]

Beaupeep, I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation. If you haven't already been made fully aware have a look at this:
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/end-of-life-care/advance-decision-to-refuse-treatment/
How you cope with this is so very personal between you and your OH.
If your OH is aware of a poor diagnosis you are entitled to ask a doctor to see both of you to discuss OH's options. I am not sure if you have reached that stage yet? My very best wishes to you both.

Pooka, I send the same to you, so sorry to read your news.

[Pooka1950]

Thank you Choux. It is strange to be diagnosed with a blood cancer so similar to the one that took my husband.

[Beaupeep]

Than you all for your advice and very kind comments. I did speak to my wife earlier today and she told if she was in the same position, she would consent to a DNR.
I fully understand that the decision remains a very personal thing between couples. We also spoke to a doctor at the hospital who fully explained what was involved and how different it was from what we see in TV dramas etc.

[choux]

That must be quite a weight off your mind now, Beaupeep, well done. I faced similar last year when OH was in hospital and I do understand. I really hope the pain management works well for you, make sure you let the medical team know how you are coping. My advice is to be open and honest with your OH and to ensure they also have support in place. Thank you for the update. Feel free to post at any time, there will always be someone to help, I'm sure. Take care.

[Beaupeep]

Thank you Choux. Severe constipation remains the biggest problem right now and I'm due, once again, to see the palliative care team today. I'm told they are the experts in getting it sorted out. The trouble is they've done work on it before and failed. It's so frustrating and I'm having to resort to enemas right now.

[Beaupeep]

I think the pain aspect may be easier for the hospital to resolve as I'm on 12 hour morphine capsules with as much oramorph added in whenever I need it. All the same, I detest being not able to think straight under the influence of the morphine. I would give anything to avoid taking the stuff.