Partner /fiance not sticking up for you...

[spaced]

not sure if anyone else has experienced this, but one of my biggest pet hates is that my fiance never sticks up for me. If, for example her mum, dad or sister say something quite rude, which has happended in the past, she never jumps in and says anything. I klnow for sure that if my folks were rude to her I would say something to them, but she never does. When I mention it she says that "Oh she was only joking" or something like that in order to dismiss it. I have in one situation beem rude back but that makes the whole atmosfere a bit bad. I wish she would take my side once in a while. anyone else had this happen to them? what have you done about it?

[Drusilla]

If she is not capable of defending you when your love is at its most passionate and intense, then I doubt she ever will.

It would be wrong of me to suggest any course of action because I don't really know the circumstances, but love/marriage is supposed to represent an alliance that goes beyond sexual union, a gold ring and the ties of blood.

Sorry, if that sounds a bit OTT, but I've just answered a question on poetry and its gone to my head.

[noxlumos]

I agree with you Drusilla, my first wife positively rejoiced if one of her holier than thou friends or relatives ran me down, always implying that I had taken it too much to heart (yet abother personality flaw) and that I shouldn't be so touchy.Eventually my marriage broke down horribly partly because of this.My second wife I am delighted to say, is an angel and makes me feel so different.She will never tolerate unfair critisism of me without responding and I've noticed that her group of friends and her relatives are not prone to do so anyway.Strikes me that it's almost a case of birds of a feather, with rudeness being acceptable to some and certainly not to others as a whole social group.

[spaced]

thanks so much for your comments. It makes even more sense when someone out of the bubble makes a comment on a situation you are living. It may sound petty to some, but it really annoys me that someone you love can not defend you especially when you have do nothing wrong.

[Minxie]

Hi Spaced, I have been on the receiving end. My long term boyfriend (4 years) does not stick up for me in front of his brothers. They have been out right rude to me, instead, he turns it round and says I should make allowances for them! Family get togethers dont now happen with his family, but he is always made welcome with mine, yet feels put out, if he is not invited.

[Amara]

Hi spaced - Families! - who would have them? Unfortunately most people are accustomed to their families behaviour and will ignore it or simply not notice. I believe that we set our groundrules with people when we meet them and they treat us accordingly, everyone is worthy of respect and the old 'treat others as you like to be treated' is always important. My advice would be reclaim your power, and speak your truth in a calm but firm manner. Let it be known that you won't accept this behaviour. In doing this you will never need your partner or anyone else to step in, and it sure will make you feel a whole lot better. Love and light Amara x

[spaced]

amara, such lovely words from a name that means "sour" in my parents language of italian. But, you are right in what you say. Thanks alot!