urgent boyfriend advice.

[goldheart]

My boyfriend told me Friday that he had a meeting on Monday at 4pm with his boss at a firm they are working for. On Monday I was ringin him from 10.30 it was unusual that he didnt pick up,all day i tried. So tell me what you think: 1. When he finally rang I asked how his "meeting" went and he said "same old b*llocks really" when usually he goes on and on and on about work and who said what 3. Came home but his long hair was all tucked into his t-shirt, which was on inside out. 4. Noticed his back pocket on trousers was slightly sticking out like he not worn them.5. No creases in the back of his knees where trousers always crease (especially the material his are made of) 6. Not one speck of oil or dust or anything on his hands, face or clothes - no smell of oil and his hair neat (although tucked in when he got it out, it wasnt all greasy and rats tails as usual). 7. by this time ive suspected that he hasnt been to work at all - although he left at 5.30 in morning. 8. I went to the bathroom and bedroom to look for his clothes because he has obviously changed clothing during the day, & noticed that what he wore out Sunday lunchtime are missing, so thought they must be in his works van & planned to get the keys later. 9. I confronted him & said that I reckon he's had the day off, he says im paranoid. 10. He said he "was" going for a drink with a friend after this meeting at 4pm but said he told me, but they didnt go after all cos the meeting overan.11. Hid his van keys when I had a bath so I couldnt go and check his van.12. last night when we tried to talk, i asked him again if he had the day off but he said then that he did an estimate thats why he wasnt dirty,so why didnt he tell me that the day before? Does an esimate mean he has to have phone off all day? He says he left it in his van cos he was workin underground where no signal anyway.

[4getmenot]

Look back at your post and ask yourself if what you're doing is something you'd do in a trusting relationship. If you have these doubts in the first place to go snooping maybe you shouldnt be together. I'm not trying to sound nasty just trying to see why you would do such a thing, Has he strayed before for you to be like this or have you had cheating issues with previous partners?

[happi_red]

Hey,

I would be pretty suspicious too if my bloke came home with his t-shirt on inside out!! Especially if he was reluctant to talk about his day if normally he is quite open and likes to chat about work. Hiding his van keys is also dodgy, my friends boyfriend would take his phone into the shower with him to stop her looking at it and it turned out he was cheating on her.

If your boyfriend simply had a day off, why would he lie about it to you? It could (hopefully) be that you are reading too much into it and he is genuinely telling the truth, but I would be a suspicious as hell if it was me in your situation. Don't know what advice to give. My first thought when I read this though was that he has another woman.

Men are ******* anyway. Except the gay ones mwah x

[4getmenot]

If he is cheating he'll muck up in the end. Cheaters always do :-)

[peterd]

Jeez, you don't miss much do you? If your suspicions are that strong maybe you could phone his work & see if he actually turned in on Monday & take it from there.

[Morrisonker]

I agree with 4getmenot. Who knows what he was doing? Constantly questioning him about it won't make matters better. Better to play it cool, sit back and wait for him to slip up or confess. And believe me, he'll do one or the other sooner or later.

Personally I do think it sounds a little suspicious but at the same time you've picked up on a lot of details that don't automatically scream 'he's cheating on you!' to me. Maybe you're seeing things because you want to?

[spaced]

happi-red, you the type of person that gives both blokes and women a bad name, with stupid ending comments like that.

[spaced]

...obviously been hurt by lots of men to come out with a childish comment like that. Grow up.

[laurence2]

happi, its idiots like you with comments that men are w*****s that put doubt in goldhearts mind.

Goldheart, i'm not surprised your fella is reluctant to talk, are you a wanabee detective?

You seem to have a jealous issue or where not getting the full details of your relationship, theirs a trust issue here, he could of had the day off for whatever reason, but i get the opinion you think he's cheating, i also don't believe for one minute it is the 1st time you have been checking up on him.

As a number of post have already said tho, if he's playing around he will get caught out sooner rather than later and if this is the case get rid of him

[Frankie Babe]

Doesn't matter whether he's innocent or not. You're never going believe to him anyway. Either you'll catch him doing something one day or he'll get fed up of the constant suspicion.

[theren_911]

Hi Goldheart,

It is a suspicious chain of evens, from your point of view.

Constantly challenging him won't help though, you'll get answers, but not what your wanting (expecting) to hear.

By all means snooping is acceptable, you have a right to know whats he's upto if you have suspicions. But be cool, badgering him will make you both feel worse.

If you both use the internet and email alot, you could get a key logger on the PC. Then you can see exactly what is going on and what is typed etc. I know it's deceptive, but I caught my other half having a fling this way. I was suspicious of her behaviour and activity, and she didn't admit anyting when I brought it up. Turns out I was being taken for the fool for around 2 months, and even got talked into driving her to/from the pub on a couple of occasions when she was cheating on me, which I have since found out. And while this was going on she was planning our marriage and helping me to decorate our house we've just bought together!

Anyway, I really hope it turns out to be innocent, but be prepared. It seems no one can take monogomy seriously these days! Confide in a friend, they will give better advice than strangers

[kazza12345]

wheres number 2?

I hate mobile phones, all this instant availability annoys me, and sometime i just either turn it on silent for the day or turn it off, so i susupect other people do too. If i saw i had loads of missed calls from someone when it wasnt an emergency, i might just ignore them longer

[zara 4]

It don't sound v.good goldheart,some of his answers( and actions) sound like what i was told in a similar situation once,my doubts were proved right but I also believe in "karma" and if he's cheating he will catch himself out and by then you will have moved on mentally,

[happi_red]

Spaced, I think you misunderstood my comment. My best friend is gay and I happen to live with him. I am also bisexual myself. My comment was merely an observation and not meant to be homophobic. I am of course sexist and think men are crap.

[Supernick]

Frankie Babe is right - if he's not doing anything wrong it doesn't sound like you'll believe him anyway, and if you've got no trust in a relationship then in my experience it's next to impossible to get back, and you'll find it hard to maintain the relationship.

As another point though, I would be really cross if my girlfriend went around checking through my things, and trying to get into my car etc. Also, if someone wants to talk to me, but I can't answer the phone, then leave a message and I'll get back. Don't phone every 5 minutes all day, otherwise It will make me so angry that I won't bother answering! I know that several of my friends are like that and we hate nothing else quite as much as when we feel like we're hounded by demanding girlfriends!

[treacle84]

Hi there goldheart. I know when you type it out in a thread, to other people it looks like you're a raving lunatic but I know where you're coming from. You go through each step over and over again to see if you can catch him out. I think deep down though, like the others have said, you're not going to believe him anway so either stick with the relationship and try to move on but promise yourself if anything happens again then you'll go or simply leave him now if you can't get past it. If you are going to stay with him though, you can't keep going on at him as it'll simply push him away. Get on with your life as you did before this happened and if anything suspicious comes up again in the future then I'm sure you'll know what to do. It's true though, cheaters slip up somewhere along the line so try not to get yourself in too much of a tizz over it as if he is playing away it won't be long until you know about it.

Good luck :)

[asteroid99]

happi - I think it was the sexism that spaced was objecting to!

[Beanmistriss]

Peterd - are you mental? You can't be ringing up peoples work?! Any boyfriend of mine who tried that to check up on me would be instantly dumped.

[tanzanya]

get rid of him. there are too many men out there for this nonsense. your post made me really tired, by the way - I could only imagine how exhausting it made you feel living through it! good luck:)

[spaced]

happi_red, your second comment on here just backs up what I said. Grow up.

[4getmenot]

happi_red men are crap but you're bisexual how does that work? Id just settle for being a lesbian then in your case. If you hate men so much. :-)