Mental Illness

[Twirly00]

How can you help someone you believe to be mentally ill when you live too far away from them to offer physical support?

[logman]

You could try getting in touch with the social services dept in the town where the person lives. I'm sure they will be descreet if you speak to them..

[littlemissx]

social services dont deal with mental health in adults unless there are children involved who are at risk.

try calling the mental health crisis team for that area.

[gessoo]

It's so difficult to get anybody to help. I have tried. Social Services, as littlemissx says do not help. I have tried. They will not visit anybody without that person's permission or without referral from a GP. GP's cannot help because they too will not visit a person without that person's consent, and I believe I am right in saying that the Mental Health teams can't intervene without being referred by a doctor. As the daughter of the person I wanted help for I can honestly say I was tearing my hair out! Apparently it's all to do with Human Rights and the Data Protection Act!

Does the person concerned think that they have a problem. If so, perhaps you could persuade them to go to their GP so that the correct people can then legitimally be contacted.

Good luck.

[Twirly00]

Thanks for these answers.

Yes, she knows she has a problem but she thinks it will go away. I've tried talking to her and saying it won't unless she seeks help, but she's having none of it, she thinks it's normal, but it's not.

[gessoo]

So difficult. All you can do is keep in regular touch and try to encourage her to seek help.

[nicnic]

Apart from the brilliant suggestions above, have you thought about sending her some helpline numbers or have some information on mental health sent to address. Although their are no promises she'd look at or use them, there's always a chance she might. Would suggest the number for Samaritans, and I know that Mind publish information leaflets on a variety of mental health issues. And don't forget to take care of yourself, knowing that your friend is suffering this must be really stressful, so look after yourself too.

[Drisgirl]

We have a system in Scotland called Homestart - which is actually now a bit of a misnomer.It involves ordinary people ie not people who, anyone who is insecure, would be wary of,building up a relationship with the person - like going for a walk to the shops and getting a bit of shopping.Going out for a cup of tea and basically being a friend who in the main know what they are talking about because they have been there themselves in a lot of cases.

Sometimes - not always - a friend who understands is more helpful than someone speiling verbatum out a textbook.Give me down to earth any day.

There must be similar voluntary organisations nationwide.

[gessoo]

Drisgirl. I think there is something similar in our area. The problem I had was that my mother refuses to see anybody at all that would help and nobody can approach someone who is adamant they are OK. I have found a terrible gap in the system. In my case, as an anxious daughter, I worry all the time, but unless my mother agrees to help then I am told there is nothing I can do! She now won't even call a doctor when she is ill. It is so frustrating - I have even been told by her doctors and Social Services that I should try to detach myself and not worry about her.

[james_m246]

I depression and anxiety and I just deal with it as I have tried shrinks, councilers, the lot and none of them have been able to do anything. I was offered AD's but I refused to take them because my mum is on them and she is hooked, if she takes it more than about an hour late she feels like crap for days.

The only people that have been able to help me are my close friends, other than them everyone has been useless.

[Drisgirl]

I certainly wouldnt detatch myself from her gessoo.I daresay she would just love that but that is pandering to her.Can you not get in touch with the similar organisation we have and perhaps meet someone yourself then pop round with your 'pal' just on the the way to the shops and gradually ingratiate your 'pal' to her.Then just take it step by step after that - like taking a step back - 'o she's not well today so I thought I would just nip in to see if you wanted anything' - she'll be in tomorrow if she feels better - kind of scenario.Worth a try:).

[Twirly00]

Thanks again everyone - all great, useful suggestions.

Drisgirl, she lives in Scotland too so I will look up that scheme as it sounds interesting. Not sure she will agree to it though.

I am beside myself, I feel so helpless. I spoke with her for 2 hours this morning and she really scares me with her feelings/thoughts. Everyone is out to get her and she decides someone will react in a certain way when they won't necessarily, it's in her head. She won't get on a bus, a train, in a car, stay at someone's house incase there's a fire or incase she can't sleep or incase someone finds out and gets jealous... and so it goes on. She has stopped doing so much and always blames it on something, and if I rule out the thing she blames then she blames something else.

I just want her to get help. I have told her if she does she will feel so much better but she thinks she just has to start doing things again and it will go away, and yet she will put things off and off and never end up doing them anyway.

[Twirly00]

Hi Drisgirl, me again... just looked up Homestart but it says it's for parents... she isn't a parent. Have I got the right scheme?

[sense4all]

In England homestart is a charity for those with young children.Try a more general keyword search in ask.co.uk.Try : Scottish mental health association.

[gessoo]

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[gessoo]

I am sorry Twirly00 to have hijacked your thread here. I am finding it very useful.

Drisgirl. Thanks very much for the thought and effort you have put into this. It has been very useful. Unfortunately my mother is very antagonistic towards me. I am an only child and it always fallen upon me to contact people to try and help therefore she sees me as an enemy and if I didn't contact her she would never get in touch with me. She really doesn't like it when I go to see her because she has it in her mind that I want to put her in a home, psychiatric hospital, or call in Social Services again. (I managed to persuade her to seek some help once - we set up a good system and then she decided that everyone was against her and 'dismissed' Social Services.) She is not 'sectionable' (and I wouldn't want that) so there is nothing they can do if she decides against seeing them. I have been told by Doctors that she is acting as she is because of her 'age'. This is not true. Her behaviour definitely has got worse with age, but she has always had problems. She won't leave her house at all now and blames it on ill health.

However, Drisgirl. Your idea is very good and I will look into it.

Thanks so much x

[Drisgirl]

Twirly - try phoning them and explain your situation and they will be able to point you in the right direction.BTW she is a parent - remember and you are needing help.Both you and gessoo seem to have similar problems.Its almost like attention seeking in a child but its an adult.I have read about that.Have you tried the blase approach - dont ask her how she is feeling - just have a blether and then say hope everything is OK and I'll give you a phone in a couple of days.

gessoo - Your mum sees you as an enemy because she is frightened you are going to get her put in a home.Thats why she has got herself in such a turmoil and is rejecting everthing and everyone.CPN's are helpful - but I'm afraid the majority of people dont relate to someone who is just doing a job.Does she not have an old school pal or old neighbour who she hasnt seen for years that you could contact and they could pop in for a chat because they were passing?You have to be one step ahead - I think as I said before she in a bit of a state but she is also playing you.

Good Luck to both of you and please post again if either one of you feel like talking to strangers who can be objective.Let us know how you are both doing XX - one each !!!

[gessoo]

Thanks again Drisgirl. May certainly be calling on you again.

[flubber]

You are taking on an awful lot of responsibility and I advise caution. It is important you keep in contact as best you can but the help starts with the person themselves actually acknowledging that they need help. The next step is the Doctor. There are many treatments and drugs available but it needs the correct diagnosis. often a mental illness has a root cause that medication can resolve. Not that many people get "locked away" !

I was fortunate to have a very understanding Doctor when my husband was diagnosed as schitzophrenic. The "mental problem" suddenly had a name and drugs were available that certainly helped. Try and encourage your friend to visit the Doctor for help with 'depression' and any Doctor would certainly notice more acute problems if they existed, but it might be an easy way to encourage your friend to make that initial appointment.