racism killing my family

[irelandisin]

hi,

i have a big problem, my boyfriend is black and im white

my family will never acccept him in a 100 years

iv tried before

i used to say i had a black boyfriend to see wat wud happen, they went crazy, i had to tell them i was joking

my brother even beat me up in front my parents for jsut being suspicous i had a coloured boyfriend

i hate my family so much,i really love my guy so so muchw e been dateing for a year

and its so hard sneaking around!

in 1 year il be 18 i plan on getting money from my account and leaving the country

my boyfriend dont know about my family i told him they died when i was a kid

i know he wud dump me if he realised

im putting him in danger but i love to much to say bye

[spacechimp]

I'm sorry but I have to say that your family sound like very horrible people.

[hopalong]

if they are racist then there is nothing you can do to change their ways. Racist people dont want to change.

[twinny_15]

Your parents are sadlly narrow minded.. however do not cut yourself of from them. try to talk to them try to explain how you feel it will be hard. If your parent's did see your brother attack you then maybe they will never understand. I feel so sorry for you ,but you know how you feel is there anyone in your family that can help? Good luck!

[joko]

be aware that very few people end up with the boyfriend/girlfriend they had when they were 16.

I am not suggesting to forget him, just bear this in mind when deciding your next step.

although from what you have said, your family sound like people you would be better off without!

[spaced]

think realistically about what you intend to do. First of all lieng to your boyfriend about your family being dead is NOT a good start, whether they will accept him or not. If I were him I would be worried about any other lies you have fabricated. Secondly, running away to another country is difficult enough for an adult with steady money income, let alone a 17 yr old girl. So think about what your actually saying. In all honesty, lying to your boyfriend and thinking of leaving the country is not the best course of action.

Unfortunatly if your folks wont accept, they just wont do it, no matter what you do or say. Tell you boyfriend the truth about your family being alive and not dead, and see what his reaction is. Your only 17, you have a whole life ahead of you. You have only been with this bloke a year. just think before you act.

[mullein3]

I have been in your situation all though i didnt have a brother..my best friend was mixed race and my parents used to make her sit on the wall outside our house as she wasnt allowed to come in..so she used to sit their and wait for me to get ready ..I used to get them nagging on and on they had very stereo type visions of coloured people ..even though the mother worked as a proffesional within a hospital with people of all races..nothing would budge their ideas..anyway i met someone who was in the raf and they were of west indian descent all though he had been bought up in england..so of course they found out so the baloon went up!!...and they tried to stop me going out and they were on my back all the time but i am so stubborn ..and cheeky that i used to give them mouth fulls of abuse..anyway i got a flat and we got married and didnt invite them...then i had my daughter and i relented and let them come to the hospital to see the baby and dad leaned over and said something derogotary so i picked up a trifle he had bought me and threw it at him and told him to get out..and that was that i have been married now allmost 29 years to the same person and we are happy...the parents are now dead i didnt go to their funerals or anything they were just a pair of mean minded bigots..I remember dad in perticular saying my partner would be a pimp or a drug pusher ..when he was in the raf and doing well for himself..he is now a police officer ..i wonder what they would say to that? well if its what you want to do then tell him the truth and make your escape ...You will have to manage without family it can be done..its just are you strong enough to cope? I am a very strong stubborn individual and take people as i find them as their are good and bad in all races..Does your boyfriend have work? as you will need some money..as life can get difficult without any

[mullein3]

Also if you believe he would dump you if he knew about your family then he is weak and not worth the sacrifice you have to make..you need someone strong by your side to support you not someone that will run off at the first sign of trouble...I wish you well in whatever decision you make..its not easy but it can work out..We also had problems with my partners mother she wasnt racist but she was a religiouse freak..I wasnt a catholic and she ranted and raved...so we didnt tell her we got married either till it was over and done..I did have my daughter christend as a catholic to keep her quiet...As she never shut up until she died my husband stopped attending church and she used to phone and shriek down the phone about it..we used to leave the phone on the table and she would be shrieking to no one as we didnt listen...their are some strange people around with their funny beliefs and ways of seing others.....

[spaced]

even though a life on your own is possible, I wouldnt recommend it. It may have worked for all those years ago mullein, but times have changed. sound advice that does not work in today's day and age.

I would rather have a life with my folks than without. Life is too short to run away, have kids and not live a life with out the dearest thing in your life, your family. So, even though it worked for you, its just not good advice in my opinion. running away from your problems doesnt always work, and telling a young 17 yr old to do the same is a tad bit silly. Irelandisin - just think carefully about what you have and what you may loose, then ,ake a proper decision. Just dont run away from your family for a guy you barely know.

[irelandisin]

wow, guys i really thank you so much for all your answers theey really help, mullien i really relate to whats been happining to you, i have 12,000 in the bank and i have access to it when im 18 ok i now its not enough to go buy a house in a forign country and i know maybe my guy still wont be with me, but even if we break up i have to leave them

i tryed to commit suisicde last year over my family im glad i survived coz i wudnt of met my guy now, but i really cant handle much more, at the end of may my boy wants me to move into his new house with him

i honestly want to, but i cant tell my folks that, il try stay weekends or sumthin, im so chought up

my family make threts to me each day ''if u ever left this family wud track you down''

its so scary to live in my own house, i hate my family so much i know a lot of people thik im crazy but i live in a racist neighbourhood and many gangs saw me with my boy and they call me black / nigerr ****** lover etc... in front of my family and they alwyas ask and i just say its coz i like rap etc... its terrifying going out incase im seen with my guy and i know i should tell him my family are alive but i dont wanna loose him i love him more than my family and that wont chnage

thanks guys

love xx

[WendyS]

I'm sorry you are having these problems. I can only ask you to try and believe that your parents do love you and probably have in their own minds a mental picture drawn up of the person they would want for you as an eventual husband. It will be hard for them to abandon this "fairy tale" image but the reality is that most parents would probably not have selected the son-in-law or daughter-in-law they eventually end up having to accept as reality.

Please don't deceive your boyfriend about your family. He deserves to know the truth and if you really feel he would "dump" you, then he too is probably too immature for this relationship to last. Even at 18, you are still very young to leave home and start a new life in another country and you will run into all sorts of situations that you probably could not even imagine right now.

The adult thing to do would be to be "up front" with your parents, tell them the truth and introduce your boyfriend to him. If they can't handle it, just bide your time but please dont make any hasty decisions. In 12 months time you may find you feel very differently about a lot of things and burning your boats with your family is not the most sensible thing to do.

[funkymoped]

why do you people call it a racist thing ??

its black and white.

we are one race, the human race.....

for christs sake get off your high horses and back in the real world.

[funkymoped]

irelandisin....

you head your thread with

"RACISM KILLING MY FAMILY"

but you killed your family off (in your head) to be with this guy...

sad, very sad !

[irelandisin]

right funky moped, say wat u like

but y not try be in my position for a day

see how its like yeah?

and i am in the real world

ye just cant understand a situation unless u actually been in it

thx for those who supported me and gave me advice

it really helped

[joko]

funkymoped - WE PEOPLE don't call it a racist thing - irelandisin does!

she gets beaten and abused by her so-called family because they suspect she may like black guys!!

where in the above scenario so you see anything other than a race issue? its pretty clear to me. did you even read the posts?

as for high horses... have you heard yourself? though i expect thats all you ever want to hear isn't it...?

incidentally irelandisin, what race are you?

[irelandisin]

call it what you want guys

but to me a white or black perosn hating sombody of another raice is racisim i didnt create the name of racisim so wat yall trippin for?
i posted my story coz i wanted help

not guns pointed at my face

im white

[funkymoped]

read my reply people !

im saying we are one race, not a different race because of colour !!

i dont care what colour people are, dont care where they were born...

WE ARE ONE RACE. "THE HUMAN RACE"

BUT, irelandisin chose to kill her family off . not me....

[funkymoped]

joko....

name says it all...

dont judge what you dont know...

sound advice from someone that DOES KNOW.

[irelandisin]

oh my god

were humans?
no duh!

did it take u that long to figure it out funkymoped