Moving in together

[sammd]

Has anyone else found moving in with their partner difficult? Just going from seeing them a few times a week to seeing them every evening and all weekend. We do our own things too but should it feel like this?

[Poglet]

been with my partner on and off for 10 years and moved in 2 years ago and we came close to splitting after a few months!!! its very hard, both used to your own space and doing things your own way but if you want it to work, it can and it will but do talk to each other about it, your partner probably feels exactly the same... poglet x

[zara 4]

Its a big change,give it time and it will get better you just need to acknowledge each others presence,you're used to your own space it will improve as you settle into your new life!

[Morrisonker]

I have to say it was the biggest mistake I ever made. My ex and I had been together for 3 years and we broke up after a month of living together. I don't think it would have happened if we'd had our own places. Having said that we were both quite young (20 and 21) and there were other problems in the relationship that we thought would be solved if he movied in. My advice would be if you have *any* doubts then don't do it, there's no rush and no one says you *have* to do it.

[WendyS]

I think one of the problems of moving in together is that previously you could live your own life in your own space and on your own terms. That changes for both of you the moment you decide to share a common space and compromise will then become necessary. Sometimes it can just be an individual's small habits that prove annoying in this common space, like preferring the toilet seat to be left up or down, not putting clothes back in the wardrobe and wanting to watch different TV programmes. All couple experience this when they come together. It's a matter of being honest about the things which annoy both of you and trying to negoiate a fair "swop" of compromises. It's important too, to continue to have some personal space. Moving in together doesn't mean you have to be joined-at-the-hip. Indeed, this can be utterly suffocating. Learning to respect each others' differences isn't easy but practice makes it easier.

[shazbang]

I've been living with my partner for 2 years now and can honestly say its was the best thing i ever done. i came straight from my parents house to moving in with my partner. we have so much fun together. Cuddling up at night then waking up next to the person in the morning is one of the best feelings in the world. sometimes i actually believe that i fell more in love after moving in. of course we have fights like any normal couple but we always tell each other how we're feeling and talk about any problems and therefore are able to solve any differences quite quickly. i believe communication is the key to any successful relationship.

If you have a gut feeling that its not right for you then maybe it isn't but you should sit down and discuss how you're feeling. maybe you could take up a night class or go to the gym or swimming a few nights so you have your alone time.

maybe the two of you could make a list of things about the other than annoys you but also a list of the good things and then sit down together and go over the lists. that way, you're not actually saying it out loud and both of you get a chance to voice your feelings. living with the person you love can be wonderful so i hope it works our for you, if not, I wish you both well in any case. :-)

[Bohne]

I was so glad when I finally moved in with my boyfriend just over two years ago.
After a really bad experience moving in with somebody and for six years hearing 'If you don't like it, why don't you move out...' I thought I'd never do it again, and rather move to a new place together.

However, after three years of spending time alternately at my place and his (ca. 30 km apart) I was fed up with always planning three days ahead about clothes I needed to take with me.
One monday morning I did not have any shoes for work, since I went to his place on the saturday in trainers.

His place was bigger than mine, closer to my work, walking distance to my pub, and looking for a new place would simply have meant more stress for both of us.

But since I saw him every day even before that, I did not have the worries you seem to be having.
Maybe you want to take more time and think about it.
Maybe you're not ready to take that step, yet.

[Litchick]

I loved moving in with my boyfriend (now husband). Yes, we had arguments and such like any other couple but I had no bad feelings and was not worried about it at all prior to the move. It felt right and turned out to be fantastic!

[sammd]

Thanks everyone. It feels the right time moving in, etc. And if it doesn't work out at least i've found out now rather than delaying it and finding out when i'm older - less time left to find someone new before the old body clock ticks away! ;)