cheating spouse

[websurfer]

there's this girl working for my husband in his office. i started sensing something wrong when checking his phone and seeing deleted SMSes and i confronted him which he denied.

recently, i was with him in the office and he was showing me an SMS from a family friend when another one came in. thinking that it was a continuation, he opened it only to find out it was from this girl. he immediately tried to close it but i insisted on reading it and this is how it went "i luv u somuch darling, i' ve been ill for about a week, and the words on your lips are honey, darling. your love is driving me crazy! sweety, i miss you. bye."

i felt betrayed because she was always asking after my kids and warm greetings to me. i was even more betrayed by Mike who could sleep with his employee

he tried all phony antics to get me to believe it wasn't what i thought. this brings me to a question Why is it that when men are caught with their pants down, they are ever trying to convince you that it's not what you think?

that sentence gets on my RAW NERVES!!!

[Champagne]

I dunno, websurfer. Maybe it�s instinctive in us all that when we�re put on the spot we panic and try to protect our integrity as well as not hurting the ones we love. It�s crazy that people still try to deny something that is blatant for all to see!

I would love to point the finger and say that it's because all men are lying w*nkers, but unfortunately us girls can be just as prone.

[Rubyrose]

Coz most of them are spinless cowards!

My ex broke up with me 5 days before xmas as he said he wasn't in love with me anymore. On xmas eve he was in the bath and his dad called the house and told me he would be round in 30 mins to fix our boiler. He said he called my ex's mobile but there was no answer. I went upstairs and told my ex. I picked up his mobile which was charging on the side and I saw it had a missed call from his dad so I cancelled it and then saw 'I new text'.. I innocently thought this was from his dad and opened it and it said 'Sarah-Mob'!!!! So I read it... it said 'I'm all alone x'... I screamed 'Who the f*ck is Sarah' and I heard my ex leap out of the bath. He spent 3 hours trying to tell me she was just a girl he worked with and she gave him her number at the xmas party. I made him text her infront of me and I said to send 'Was that meant for me?'... he sent ' I don't think that was meant for me, I think you sent that to the wrong person'! I went mad and told him thats not what I told him to send. She sent back 'oh sorry, wrong number'!! Bollox! He denied it until over a week later when I had more facts. Then he only confessed when I asked him about it all and I had moved out. They are now a couple and have been since a week after me and him split! We were together 5 yrs! Men are sh!t!

[Dan Glebitts]

I would say that there are an equal amount of 'sh*t' men as there are nice guys, and as a man i find this behaviour degrading and unacceptable. Im not perfect but cheating on someone just aint right. luv dan ;-)

[Rubyrose]

Awwww Dan ya little sweetie ;o)

[whiskeysheri]

My boyfriend actually went to the extremes of having a separate mobile to text another girl from (no way he could talk his way out of that one!). Good job I'm a nosy cow and found it 'hidden'! x

[Blyss]

I would confront the girl websurfer, I would prolly be wearing my boxing gloves at the time , but I would confront her , see what kind of reaction she has , and take it from there. Its one thing her lying on a text message but being confronted by the wife face to face shes gona have a hard time lying.
If Your hubby doesnt want you to , tough for him.

[websurfer]

Rubyrose i agreee with you sis

i made him call her later at night to tell her that she was sacked effective from morning which he did without hesitation.

he started telling me that he didn't love her, that he was just eating the forbidden fruit!

oohhh men and their antics

i wanted to make it public so that he'll be ashamed but on the second thought, dragging our family into the mud will be no-good for us (me and the kids ) in the future. moreso, when the family name is reputable.

[Rubyrose]

I confronted her coz when I moved out her took her to OUR house.. which he swore he would never do. He invited her to one of our poker nights which I used to deal for and I wasn't told about it. So I went to the house to kick the sh!t out of her.. she didn't come out and hid in the kitchen. My ex came out and we had a nice chat and he cried and said he was sorry.. but he still went back into the house with her. He claimed she had only just arrived and was there to pick him up! Liar!

Websurfer... I would confront her and ask Q's if thats what you want. It may be stuff thats hard to hear but at the same time.. better to find out now than to wonder for the rest of your life, that he might have been lying! He could have told her he loved her and was going to leave you! And now coz the sh!t has hit the fan he is telling you anything to hold it together.

[websurfer]

whiskeysheri- you don't say! i guess you can never be surprised at the male specie...

most of them think with their f***king d**ks

[peterd]

Don't mean to hijack the thread Ruby & Websurfer but this sort of thing happened to somenone I know. They split with there partners & started seeing each other. They didn't last long though cos as soon as one wanted to go out it caused an argument. Basically she did not trust him. All he used to hear was " how can I trust you, you've cheated before." They split up & he regrets ever gettin involved in the first place

[malaise]

My boyfriend's mum recently found nude photos of another woman in her husband's work bag. He also went on to deny all knowledge and said things like "A friend gave me them!" as if that's entirely likely to happen. "Here you go mate, some photos of some naked burd I took the other week." Pah. Since this was discovered, it's been really weird. They've moved house, bought a dog, and he's replaced her wedding and engagement rings with new ones (kind of defeats the point, i feel).

I think men just do it automatically, even when they know they've been caught out. Probably something to do with them always wanting to be right!.

websurfer: good luck finding someone who will treat you as you deserve. That guy sounds like filth. x

[robbo82]

I have to agree with Dan, a lot of men are idiots and make me feel ashamed to be male. However, there are a few nice ones left. I would never even contemplate cheating on someone, anyone who does is a complete d!ck and isn't worth it.

[Rubyrose]

Peterd - My ex left me for this girl and she left her bouyfriend of 3yrs to be with my ex! They are both rebounding and two needy people don't make for a good relationship. I shall give them enough rope to hang themselves.. I just hope they do :o)

(Bitter? Me? Pffft)

[Dan Glebitts]

poor websurfer and ruby.... ;-(

as eric idle said in the life of brian 'always look on the bright side of life....do doo...doo dooo da doo da doo...always look on .......'

[Rubyrose]

Thats true Dan.. "Lifes a bit of sh!t, when you look at it. Life a laugh and deaths a joke, its true"

[purpose]

Ok, so it might just be me who thinks this... lol... but i'm not sure why Rubyrose (no offence... just an observation!) felt the need to cancel the missed call and therefore see the new text etc.

Isn't it a bit intrusive to cancel missed calls (or do anything else for that matter) on another person's mobile phone, be it partner, friend etc?

[Froggy_Queen]

Websurfer and RubyRose - I can empathise with your situation but I'm going to make myself rather unpopular here.

My mum was the 'other woman', my dad left his wife and 2 daughters to be with her and 33 years on they are still together. He says he never wanted to leave the girls but until he met my mum he had no idea how unhappy his ex wife was making him. (for the record ex-wife and parents get on really well and my sisters are still in touch with us too)

I'm not saying its your fault and I'm not saying that its always the case but sometimes the 'other woman' turns out to be the right one.

However, sometimes I'm sure it is just about their egos and purely about sex. Possible mid-life crisis scnenario (can they not do anything more original?) and I think they probably deserve your pity rather than your anger. Pity is surely worse.

What exactly are you hoping to achieve by confronting this girl? What exactly were you hoping to find by going through your husband's phone? I'd be horrified if someone went throught my phone or my diary, not because I have anything to hide but because they are personal and private.

Give someone a reason to beleive they are not trusted and they'll give you a reason not to trust them I find.

[Rubyrose]

Purpose - I understand what you are saying but it wasn't like that. I was calling to my boyfriend from the bedroom (which is next to the bathroom) and I was telling him his dad called his mobile and that he will be round soon. I was saying 'yeah you have a missed call' as I was doing it. Me and my ex used to be like that with eachother and just use eachothers phones! Then I saw the text and I assumed it was the one saying 'O2 Alert - You have one new voicemail' and I just opened it.. then I realised it wasn't and as I had no idea who 'Sarah' was and her name was blantantly stored in his phone and the text was there.. I was reading it before I could even register!

Froggy - Don't get me wrong hun, I'm not condeming all 'other women' at all. I agree that sometimes it works and sometimes they leave and are happier. I am just telling my situation. We can't help but hate the other woman but the truth of the matter is.. he is the one who did wrong but you don't want to believe that. You want to believe that she snared him, he was weak, he still loves you and it was a momentary lapse! All bollox! Except maybe the 'weak' part.

I recommend all women read a book called 'What men don't want women to know' by Smith and Doe! Its a real eye opener :o)

[dancealot13]

My boyfriend of almost 6 years can look at anything of mine he wants. I have nothing to hide. And as far as a journal, well he would be foolish to think I didn't write about him (good and bad), or that I didn't write about my feelings (maybe even thoughts of another person)--that's life and it's normal to have thoughts and to write them down. But if he ever suspects me of cheating, Id rather have him look all he wants then feel the stress and insecurity.

If you have nothing to hide then it shouldn't matter if you happen to answer your mates cell phone.

Websurfer- What goes around comes around. Maybe he needs a taste of his own medicine. Make him realise what his life would be like without you and the kids as his family. He's been taking his perfect life for granted (as we all do), but this needs to hit him like a ton of bricks.