Abusive / scrounging foster brother - Part 1 how to deal with

[Cathyhuns]

I'd like some advice on whether ABers think my husband and I are handing a situation correctly.

My husband's parents fostered a baby who was taken into care from 10 days old (he is now 42 years old). He lived with them as he grew up but Social Services would not allow them to adopt him. He was always insecure, not least because SS insisted that the use his real name, so everyone knew he wasn't their son and he got called names at school. He was always a strange child and none of the photos of him (including as a small baby) show him smiling.

As a child, he would never accept no for an answer and always made a fuss until he got what he wanted. My husband's parents probably gave in more than they wanted because they there was always the possibility of SS taking him away.

As an adult, he doesn't hold down jobs for very long and is always short of money. He has also had a drugs problem and has mental health problems. When my husband's parents were alive he would obtain money from them, usually by threatening them and by making up some amazing stories about why he needed the money. We knew this was going on (but not the scale) and tried to stop them but they were so scared of him that they were willing to pay him off to keep him away.

Following their deaths we found out that in the six months before their deaths they had given him about �10,000, when their only income was a state pension. They therefore had no money left whatsoever and their estate consisted of the house and the debt from the foster brother.