my grandfather refuses to eat

[cardi88]

my 90 year old grandfather has recently started refusing to eat - he says he's lost his appetite, but wont even try to take complan or another similar sunstitute the doctor has prescribed him - i dont know if its psychological, he lies to us that he's eaten with other members of the family when we know he hasnt, i dont know how much a 90 year old needs to eat - are we being over worried? he is getting much weaker and looking after him when he wont try to help himself is getting very fustrating - he still lives alone but one of the family goes down every night to sleep in the house and evry mealtime to encourage him - has anyone else been in this situation that can advise?

[miffy63]

Over the past few years I've watched my mum eat less and less. She says she's not hungry anymore and can't be bothered with food. It sounds obvious and you've probably tried it but have you asked your grandfather what he'd like to eat, what's his favourite food, sweet or savoury.
I always make a point of eating a meal with my mum at least once a week. I've noticed that if I overload her plate she won't eat, tiny portions are the answer. I don't know that I've been much help but I do understand.

[Lonnie]

Hi cardi88, I can relate to yours and your Grandfathers predicament, you say he lives alone, probably through choice, I say that because I don't know the circumstances, and I'm assuming he's still got all his mental facilties.

If he;s not ill, then I would say he's just given up, I may be wrong, at least, I hope so, but it does happen.

It does sound as if you and your family are doing everything you can.
I wish you all the best in the future.

[raysparx]

Hi Cardi, we had a similar problem,it could be as Lonnie says,he has just had enough,the one thing we did that worked was to make a milky coffee with full cream milk, and if he like a little scotch or brandy put a drop in for him, I do feel for you,not easy is it, hope things improve, good luck. Ray

[cardi88]

The only thing that he would eat are milk puddings - and bread soaked in milk (disgusting i know!) but these wont make him stronger over the last few months we have been reducing his portion sizes but he takes a few mouthfuls and says he's full - he also says that my couisin or auntie came down tea time and fed him so he's not hungry but when i ask them - they say he said the same to them about me - it feels like he's anorexic, lying to us, i know he's scared of being alone but wont come to live with us, we feel like he's deliberatley making himself weak to carry on the attention he's getting from us. The doctor came the other day and prescribed him some antidepressants - i just dont know what to do for the best

[fee-is-me]

Hi cardi88,

My grandfather was exactly the same. He was 99 when he virtually stopped eating. He lived on his own although one of the family would visit every day as he was functioning reaonably well and did not want help from 'outsiders'.

Unfortunately, he had an accident and was then forced to be hospitalised.

He refused food but the nurses tried feeding him anyway which he hated. We had lots of discussions with various people and were told that with many people there comes a time when the body just does not want food. It is simply too much for the system to deal with.

It was not easy, but we knew it was what my grandfather wished, and the 'forced' feeding was stopped.

He had other health issues and he passed away peacefully on New Year's Day.

I'm NOT suggesting that is the case for everyone, but just passing on the info we were given about the system finding food too much to deal with. From experience, an elderly person can exist on VERY little food.

My OWN belief is that it was kinder for us, as a family, to 'allow' him to stop eating.

But every family will be different - individuals and circumstances vary so wildly.

I wish you all the best at this difficult time.

Fi :0)

[tradey]

sorry to hear that,if hes not been ill then i think hes fed up of life and just had enough,some of them will do this to end it,youll just have to be there as much as you can,speak to the doctor they may send him to the hospital and have to drip feed him,you take care keep your chin up hun and keep us informed

[silverdale5]

i had problems with my dad recently following an illness and being diagnosed with leukemia. he came out of hospital with lots of pills - 8 in a morning - another 8 throughout the day. he hated the fact that he was ill and he too lives alone. he started to complain of loss of apetite, then pains in his stomach, then constipation. he hardly ate at all for weeks and lost 17lb ! GP was very kind and came out many times but could not find anything else wrong. In desperation i got him to take respite care in a private residential home. They immediately noticed that he was on the wrong medication and that he was taking strong painkillers on an empty stomach. They have got him into a good medication routine and he has now started to eat regularly, albeit small portions. He is optimistic that he will keep it up at home. i can only hope so.
Not sure if this helps but at least you know you are not alone.
good luck hun !
xx

[Ethel]

Granddad could be constipated which would make him feel full and uncomfortable. Or piles. He may be in pain when he opens his bowels.

He could have discomfort with his dentures.

Heartburn is another possibility. All of these would put him off eating and dull his appetite.

If he is a very private person he may be reluctant to mention embarrassing ailments. It's worth checking this sort of thing out.

In the meantime, try getting him to 'share' his food. Half a sandwich with a light filling, half a bowl of soup, half a cake - whatever is easy to eat and prepare.

Good luck.

[joko]

why not make the milk puddings and add complan to the ingredients?

also if he likes milk - will he have milkshake? - those slimfast diet shakes are full of vitamins which may help a bit.

could he have an ulcer or something?
because my dad had bowel cancer but ignored it because he was embarrassed.
he is ok now but only because it got so bad he had to do something, but it shows how particularly men get embarrased about being ill and especially if it is anything to do with their bum

[joko]

also my dad gets paranoid (he's 80) that we don't want him round and may try to bump him off - he jokes about it and pretends he doesn't mean it, but he now thinks the docs are trying to do it, and he really does seem to have a vague belief.

could your dad be getting paranoid about being poisoned?

[alijangra]

Do you happen to know if his bowels are moving regularly? Is he on any laxatives? Chronic constipation can really put people off their food. On the other end of the scale, has he had any accidents with faecal incontinence? Avoidance of food could be his way of dealing with it. The older generation are less inclined to speak about their bodily functions and can get very embarrassed about it.

[Blyss]

contact your local council and get him meals on wheals , the point beiong that its a regular time the guy or woman drops buy with the food and will chat with him for a few mins daily , and not fuss at him for not eating , but these ppl are not daft and if the trays aint empty or touched , or they see it full and in the trash , they do keep a record .Point being hes not bening moaned at to eat , I do understand your worry I really do , My father was the same way .
Your granfather may end up being placed in a hospitail unit where he will be fed desserts and milkshake kinda things with enough to keep him going.
why not even try and bring to the family home for meals , I also diod this with my dad , and it worked for a few years .
but Im sorry to say , you and your family shoulkd contact his doctor and socail servies to help him .

good luck, and my heart feels for you.

[Blyss]

fee-is-me , Im sorry to hear about your loss , sorry I just read about it there.

[gazzawazza]

I recently lost a lot of weight due to illness and was given supplements by the dietitian which are tasteless and can go in tea or coffee and help to maintain weight. They will also go in soups or even the bread and milk or milk puddings without adding any taste. The one I was prescribed was called Maxijoul.
Just thinking about it, when I was a kid and had an upset stomach my mam would always give me rice puddings or milky meals because she said they were good for you and easy on the stomach. It could be he has stomach problems like others have said and doesn't want to mention it.

[joko]

just a thought - i developed lactose intolerance becasue i used to drink about 3 pints of milk a day and my body eventually began to dislike it

could this be happening to him, but he doesn't realise that its the milk doing it and not ordinary food?

he may be thinking "oh i have diarrhoea, i'd better not eat to much, or i'll set it off, so i'll just have what my mum used to give me when i was a kid - milky stuff" - which will have the opposite effect, and now he's worried about it.

many of the older generation don't understand about intolerances and think that having diarrhoea when you haven't eaten anything bad must mean you are ill.

[WendyS]

I wonder if your grandfather is suffering from depression? If he doesn't like living alone he may feel as if his life no longer has any purpose and self-starvation is one way of gradually easing himself out of life. Possibly this is why his GP described anti depressants.

If he won't eat much in the way of cooked food, can you leave little packets of nuts around and other snacks. Nuts are quite high in protein, and although they and snacks like crisps and biscuits are not a balanced diet, getting anything into him at all would be better than him not eating anything.

Perhaps, at 90, he is now reaching the end of his road. The body doesn't necessarily shut down overnight and often goes into a long slow decline. is it possible for him to come and spend a week or fortnight staying with you all to see whether more attention and company would improve his morale and encourage him to start eating again?