trying to motivate myself

[steve208]

well just wondering how others are able to get on with things. I have some time off this week but working a fair bit also, i need to get some things done and at least get out the house. Yesterday i didnt get out the house as got up late and just surfed net chatin to people.

I need to apply fdor some jobs or even just get out the house so i can walk or go to town and reflect on the thoughts going round my head. am quite down at the mo with a lot of thoughts abouts how life is not good.

[China Doll]

Poor you, know what you mean about the whole motivation thing. Usually what works for me... and this is going to sound stupid... is literally just getting up, picking up my keys and walking out the door. Sometimes, if you think about it too much you just get bogged down in what you should be doing or where you should be going, so just get up and walk out the door. I know that sounds so obvious and stupid but it does work.

[teag1rl]

Make a plan now. Walk to town, buy a good novel, sit in sunshine in park and read it. Block out all the bad things for a while and just enjoy being in sunshine engrossed in someone elses story. On way home pick up some healthy but tasty food, buy a paper. Look at the jobs, circle those that interest you. Cook your tea, eat it and then set about applying for them. Or you could spend tonight writing a cv to cover absolutely everything, then mix and match it to apply to any job you look at quite easily-takes the pain out of setting about writing completely new one for every job you apply for. Hope you feel better soon x

[elpea]

hey
I know how you feel... I often find it incredibly hard to use my time. When I'm aware of feeling like you describe I usually try to think of something really tasty I'd like to have for lunch or dinner, cos then I've got a purpose and reason to go out, and also something good to do for myself when I get home. Yesterday I had a half day from work, which I pretty much wasted and started feeling down and guilty I hadn't used my time better - and I'd been busy all weekend at a wedding so I really had lots I could have got on with yesterday, but I lunched it all out. But then I went to the shop (albeit at about 7.30pm) and got some bits and pieces to make a salad. I made a meal of pasta with salad, and it made me feel so much better. Not so much to eat for comfort, but like I say, if I realise I feel like that then that's one thing I can do to get me moving, and also afterwards I feel a bit like I've taken care of myself, and not been wallowing...

[steve208]

well sometimes i want to wallow and just cant face going out.
regarding jobs, i do have a job at the moment but its not very challanging and i need something more suitable for me but i dont have the experience. I need to get office experience but am stuck in a cycle of thinking at the moment that i cant get out of.

In the last week i have joined an adult site and been in the chat room a lot. I have talked to my counsellor about this so am addressing why i am doing this but cant stop myself doing it.

its like i have these desires and they just take over. But then after wasting a day i get angry with myself and wish i would not do it. i tell myself that its all wrong and i am bad for having any desire. I have two extremes and when am thinking one thing can never think the other, if that makes sense.

I have a weeks holiday from work in two weeks, i cant afford a proper holiday but been thinking about seeing an ex gf that i see on a casual basis. and also maybe meeting others for fun.

my head is all over the place at the moment. I need to address the work and other issues i have but cant face them.

[~posy-jo~]

steve where do you live?? i'm gonna knock your door and kick you up the bum!! lol!!
hunnie you need to find something to boost your confidence!! you are a lovely bloke, just try and do a little more each day. just take a walk to the shop and get a newspaper to start with. i know when you are feeling low the last thing you wanna do is go anywhere but the more you sit there and do nothing the worse it makes you feel. unfortunately life on it's own isn't good you have to make it work for you so it becomes good.
what do you want to sort out first?? you need to do it a bit at a time.
did you get your hair cut??
did you think anymore about joining the Navy??
please cheer up mate xXx

[elpea]

hey
what kind of things do you like to do? Do you make anything, or cycle, or martial arts or something? Or is there something you used to do and packed in when you started working or got a bit down? Sometimes it's good to pick up something you dropped a while ago and either work on it a bit more, or even better, finish it. But that depends on a lot of things I suppose...

[China Doll]

Seriously, you sound like you're highly strung and wired at the moment and I would recommend walking out the door with your keys and doing exactly what teag1rl said. Get a book and go and sit in the part. You need to get out and not stare at the computer, you'll feel like you've done something.

Job wise... is there anything you can do to get further experience? training course? volunteer? placement? Write a list of what you want to do, what you can do and how you can improve to get where you want to go. Break everything down in to managable chunks... you sound like you're trying to run before you can walk. You're thinking of the whole thing and tying yourself in knots before you've actually thought about what you can do.

Stop beating yourself up about talking on chat sites, there's nothing wrong with it, you just want company. It's only a problem if you have no other friends or anything else in your life and frankly, that doesn't sound like you. It's ok to want to chat to people safely, you're not abnormal.

Finally, this ex girlfriend thing... Do you definately want to see her? Is that going to be ok or hurt your head more? Be careful. These situations have a nasty habit of backfiring. Maybe better to go meet some friends insted? Just a suggestion.

Now come on, get up, get a book and go and sit in the sunshine and try to relax a little! Things always seem a bit better when you take time to gather your thoughts rather than chasing them around in your head.

Good luck xx

[elpea]

and hanging around with your ex isn't always a good thing... especially if you're still intimate, but not in the relationship you once knew.

[WendyS]

I think this kind of lack of motivation hits us all occasionally, and this hot weather doesn't inspire great burst of energy, does it?
I think the secret is to have a list of daily tasks you want to achieve. Recognise that the most physically active ones should be done in the cool of the morning, or in the cool of the evening, i.e. walking out in the town, so try and set your alarm clock early so you can make the most of your time and the cool period. Then draw up a timetable of other activies, i.e. 11 a.m. scour newspaper for situtations vacant, 2 p.m. Dust up CV and print off copies, etc.

I know it's temping just to chill out when you have time off work, but if you want to achieve anything, you do need some kind of discipline and structure to your time. Just intersperse the chores with some leisure like like surfing the net, reading or TV, but mark these time limits with a little buzzer to remind you that "Time's up" so that you don't get carried away.

The days ticks away so quickly that the only way we can capture it is to measure it and allocate it. I've had days off work in the past, planned to do so much with them and then just generally wasted them and felt angry about it afterwards. Remember the old Latin proverb: "Carpe Diem". It means "Seize the Day", and that is what you have to do if you want to get anything done.

[steve208]

hey posy,

hum ive not posted for a while im surprised you remember all those things about my questions! thanks

regarding where i live im in hertfordshire...and if i remember rightly you are in the south west somewhere near plymouth?!

Im sorry for being a pain and id like to kick myself but half the prob is that so many times i try and "go for it" but get so far then feel the weight of my worries get me down or get to a certian stage and feel im not doing well at all.

I did get my hair cut but nothing too different, though i went to a salon rather than the barbers! The wedding at the weekend went well although the church got struck by lightening!

Well i will try to have a shower and go to town in a bit and will walk insted of driving as this should help although sooo hot! hate the heat.

Erm the navy well yes thought about it but not done anything as yet. I wasted time last week as was watching news 24 and the navy!

[~posy-jo~]

see i have a good memory!! get yourself down to the naval careers office this afternoon and go and see them. at least you will have asked them even if you decide it's not for you at least you will have done something about it!!
i live in somerset so yes i am out towards the west.
you sound like a top bloke!! i wish you all the best xXx
p.s i'm sure your hair looks gorgeous!!

[steve208]

thnaks china doll but regarding the chat rooms thing it does concern me presisley because its an escape from the crap life i have. i dont particuarly have many friends around here. perhaps one or two guys from work i get on well with.

there is a local social group i would like to join but cant face it with all thats going on in my head at the moment.

with the ex gf ive seen her before casually and was also thinking about some time away with her. she knows to expect nothing in terms of relationship but im so flip floppy with my emotions.

regarding getting experience i should go back to the office of a charity i was at this time last year but i think its taking a step back and i already feel like i have got no where in the last year. My counsellor said that maybe i am just scared that i actually did well and im scared of a good situation as im comfortable with the bad.

[steve208]

i think i might try to go to the careers office later in the week.

on a broader point though...do you find making lists of what to do helps and should i do a day or week list? thing is in the past ive found that a to do list only functions as a list of what i have not done.

[~posy-jo~]

i often make lists normally things to do that week with the highest priority tasks at the top although i tend to get towards the end of the week and realise i've hardly done anything then it is a mad rush to finish it!! lol!!

if ever wanna chat you can have my msn if you want xXx

[steve208]

thanks you posey.

ok well maybe msn another time. i would not want you giving your details out on here as i know there can be some unscrupulus (think ive spelt that right!) people around.

[~posy-jo~]

ok well try to be positive!!!! and keep us posted as to what you are up to ok?? look after yourself mate xXXx

[elpea]

hey steve
keep your chin up. You will be ok, you just need to keep moving, even if it's just baby steps that's better than being horizontal and static.

[steve208]

ok will keep you updated posey. will prob post in a week or so.

[steve208]

posey,

can you help....when i do find jobs that i think i could do...i get stuck when the application form asks about lesuire activities. I can put stuff down from uni but i feel it is kinda out of date now i have left?

If i was going to blag what i do in my spare time aside from lying down feeling low and surfing the net then it would prob be something like...

i enjoy swimming, take an interest in voluntary work and go walking in the countryside when i can.

[~posy-jo~]

hi steve!! that last bit sounds good!!! you should definately put that!! sorry for the late reply but i had to go pick the kids up from school xXx